His and Her Health

Eversince I was 16 years old, I've used a vibrator to orgasm. Now, I'm 26 and married for a year. Unfortunately, I've never experienced a natural orgasm without help. (I've tried every thing such as oral stimulation, masturbation, meditation, prayer...really...)

I know my vibrator has caused me to loose clitoral sensation. I've made some research about how the frequent use of the vibrator can harden the outer tissues of the clitoris (desensitizing it), which scares me.

I've stopped using the vibrator for a few weeks...hoping that I'll regain sensation again - there. But I couldn't take it anymore, and settled for a really really little whimpy vibrator. Though it takes me awhile to climax, it's still better than nothing. Basically, I use it 3 times a month, which is a great progress.

Nevertheless, after using less of the vibrator, my clitie is starting to wake up from its' coma, but it's a slow recovery.

Will I ever regain complete sensitivity there again???

Help.

[This message has been edited by Spirit1978 (edited November 29, 2004).]

Yes. It takes a while with lots of practice. You need to do two things--you need to develop your powers of erotic concentration and you need to practice with your hands. Work on fantasy--read erotica, explore what arouses you, watch erotic movies. Learn to focus on your desire and focus solely on your fantasy for twenty minutes. Also several times a week masturbate only using your hands. Don't go for more than twenty minutes. Use Albolene (although don't use it internally--oil-based lube, will also break down condoms). Try to cut down the number of orgasms you are having with the weak vibrator, if possible and when you do use the vibrator only use it at the last possible second. It is best to practice this when you are alone, warm and relaxed. You can regain all of your sensitivity, especially at your young age.

This may be a dumb question but I have never maturbated with my hand only with a toy so here goes. How does a woman do it with only her hand??

Experiment with what feels good to you. Many women prefer a fast, light, flicking side-to-side motion of their finger on their clit.

Wow, I am so glad to see someone else post this. I was never able to acheive an oragasm through intercourse, or by using my hands. My husband tried orally, but I would almost get there.. and then..I couldn't make it over the hill so to speak. About 5 years ago, he suggessted we go shopping for some sex toys, which we did. Our sex life went from ok.. to amazing. With the aid of a vibrator providing clitoril stimulation, I was able to have an orgasm every time. Naturally.. I started using my vibrator on my own. However, lately.. my clitoris is numb, and it is getting harder...and taking longer.. to have an orgasm. <P>I am so afraid.. that I will never get the sensation back. I have tried to use my hands to get there, but to no avail. <P>Any advice?<P>

How often do you orgasm using the vibrator and what sort of vibrator is it?

Since I can't orgasm any other way, my husband and I use it 2-3 times a week.Not to mention the other 1-2 days I will use it by myself. I alternate between a rabbit & a bullet.<p>[This message has been edited by Beach_RN (edited December 17, 2004).]

The good news is that the odds are very good that you can retrain your clitoris to orgasm from manual stimulation since you are orgasming that frequently. One last question--do you take any antidepressants?<P>Onto technique. First off, I'm not going to push my whole diet on you (although you might want to consider the fish oil) but I am going to push one part--the PC muscle exercise. Get a device called Gyneflex and start using it for fifteen minutes twice a week. The stronger your PC muscles, the easier it is to have clitoral orgasms. While you are using it, fantasize as best you can, focusing on whatever you find erotic. Many women have underdeveloped powers of erotic fantasy. Reading erotica may help you to find out what arouses you. During the flexing, don't masturbate. Once the flexing is done, then lubricate your clitoris (as I said I recommend a makeup remover called Albolene for this) and masturbate only using your hands for twenty minutes. It might take several weeks of going without an orgasm, but you will reach a point from manual stimulation where you will be very close to orgasm. If you can't stand it, you can finish yourself off with the vibrator on the lowest setting for just a few seconds, but if possible try to avoid this and let the tension build.<P>This process takes a strong amount of willpower, but the results--being able to orgasm during sex without toys and having full clitoral sensitivity--make the abstinence worth it I think.

Thank you very much for your advice. And No I do not take antidepressants. I am certainely going to try your techinique. Now this diet.. I'm curious.

It shouldn't take you very long. The vibrators you are using aren't that strong as compared to say, a Hitachi Magic Wand or the Eroscillator. You are also having frequent orgasms so you have a nice healthy libido. Please let me know how it goes--the more feedback I get the better I can help women kick the habit.<P>I'll bump up the thread with my diet.<p>[This message has been edited by zaneblue (edited December 18, 2004).]

I have a question. I can get an oragasm with any clitoris stimulation but just sex on it on (with no extra hands down there) i can never reach orgasm. I s this just me or do all oragasm only happen threw the clit

A large percentage (from 60-80%, depending on which study you look at) only orgasm through clitoral stimulation. Some women, like myself, only orgasm through penetration and not via clitoral play. Others can orgasm either way. You're perfectly normal.

Hi,<BR>I have been trying the manual stimulation technique, and completely gone cold turkey on the vibrator, which I am proud of.<P>However, I have not had an orgasm since I stopped using the vibrator, perhaps six weeks ago. <P>I've come very close several times, but never quite there. My arms get too tired before I can get there. In fact, today I tried for one hour with no success. I felt like crying, and was so frustrated. <P>I am taking anti-depressants--Paxil. I've been taking it for several years now, but have not noticed any side effects. I've been able to orgasm with a vibrator until I went cold turkey. <P>I haven't tried the PC exercises, so I will. Thanks zaneblue, for your advice, and thanks to everyone else who contributed to this thread, I am not alone! Good luck to you all.

Hold on, if you are on antidepressants you may need the vibrator to orgasm. Nothing wrong with having a vibrator orgasm, orgasms are good. This is just a technique to get the clitoris to make the transition from vibrator to manual, but some women physically can't. If possible, switching your antidepressant to Wellbutrin may help. Men on antidepressants sometimes even have difficulty having an orgasm during sex.<P>That said, for women used to vibrators a very fast and steady flicking of the clitoris from side to side can be effective. Don't spend more than twenty minutes a day at it and try to wait until you are very aroused, maybe from something you read or fantasized about. Really focus on your fantasies Make sure to use lube.<P>I'd give it a couple more weeks and then throw in the towel. Someone who is masturbating with a vibrator three times a week is going to find it easier to do this process than someone who orgasms three times a month. General rule of thumb, wait seven times your normal downtime between orgasms. For a woman who has a clitoral orgasm every couple days, that would be a couple weeks of abstinence. In your situation it would be a couple months. I know it's a pain but that's the general way of it.

Well I also decided to go cold turkey, I have to tell you it was easier to quit smoking than do this. I have been doing manual stimulation, and reading some erotica for just women,I just can't seem to get there. I really feel nothing, I'm climbing the walls, But I'm trying.