His and Her Health

I am 22 and in my first serious, sexual relationship of 2 years. Earlier this year, I found out my boyfriend had been going to see strippers during the time we'd been dating. I was devastated and traumatized. Since then, I've felt unattractive to my boyfriend, and threatened that he secretly wants to look at other woman because they are more sexy. Every other woman I've talked to, even my closest of close gal pals, blew it off as being "Just another guy thing". I was crushed they had no sympathy and could offer no other comfort than an empty cliche, and more so that they seemed to think I was overreacting. I never questioned my sexuality before this episode, but it's been seriously damaged since. Any comments of understanding or advice?

Have you talked to him? <P>If you've never had a problem with your self-image before this you may want to put on your loveliest (most provocative) lingerie and show him that the REAL show is at home - with you. <P>It may seem silly - and you can play it off as something both amusing and sensual if you wish. The humor takes the edge off things. <P>If he's a decent guy he'll see that you've taken an extra step in turning him on.

I just wanted to say that I don't think a man's wandering eye has much to do with how sexy his wife or girlfriend is. Halle Berry, Uma Thurman and Angelina Jolie have all had men who both looked and worse, acted on it too. I think it depends more on the man's character than how sexy you are.

I am very sorry that you have been traumatised and so deeply wounded inside yourself.I hope you are healed of this hurt and trauma in the near future.<P>Perhaps the switching-off of your sexual feelings since then is an indication that you do not feel secure with this man. You could try counselling and if that doesn't switch your sexual feelings back on, then perhaps you could call it a day with this guy; give yourself a while to get over the relationship and then look forward to a relationship with a man who doesn't indulge in behaviour that is so hurtful to you.<P>(Personally, if I were dating a guy and he were to go oogling at women in a stripper club, I would immediately ditch him. But that's just me.)<P>Not every man looks at pornography or goes to stripper clubs, so you might find a more compatible mate out there and in the process re-discover your sense of sexuality. Youth is on your side and you have many choices in your situation. It's not like you are on the shelf. Seems to me you are too young to settle for any man whose behaviour traumatises you.<P>Also: there is absolutely nothing wrong or odd about your wanting to be in a relationship that precludes your partner oogling other women. We all have different tolerance levels and you are entitled to yours and your position in this regard is not at all unreasonable and even many men would share your values.<P>One piece of advice I give with no hesitation: don't marry or commit long-term to a relationship unless you are sexually attracted to the guy. <BR>

P.S. I understood your allusion to the questioning of your sexuality to mean that you had sexually switched-off your partner. But perhaps I misinterpreted your comment and should merely have assumed you feel insecure with him.<P>Pardon me if I jumped to conclusions in this regard.