His and Her Health

My soon to be wife has been denying me sex for a week or so. Since I work allot, alone time is hard to come by. When it does come, I try to ignitionate intimate moments only to be turned down by excuses (well to me they seem like excuses). A week or so ago she went to the doctors and found out she was anemic and blames being too tired for sex encounters. For some reason she tells me that she doesn't feel in the mood to start anything. I'm usually the one who will touch her sexualy and it seems she never trys to start a sexual encounter. I brought this to her attention and she cry's and says - it's hard to start something sexual when she's not feeling it or in the mood. Again today, we found the little alone time and I wanted to do something only to be turned down again. This time she blamed a migraine headache.. In her defense, she does get bad migrains and gets somewhat sick when she does get them. It seems like I have to beg her to do something sexual. To be terribly honest, I don't know if these are just excuses or she really isn't in the mood lately due to her anemic and migranes. I know I should just go with the flow but its starting to worry me and bothering me allot lately. I mean I know she loves me and isn't cheating on me so I'm so confused into what is going on with her in the sex department. Our sex life has been so great throughout the six years we've been together but it's so fustrating when the little time we do get with one another I really want to do something and she doesn't. I'm starting to feel so rejected and she knows that. Sex is very important to me in regards to having that ever-loving, very intimate time together. I mean through love making, I guess to me thats the ultimate way to show someone you truely love them. What should I do......? Be patient or tell her that her lack of interest is starting to make me wonder if she is the right woman to marry or not..........?

I'm all for increasing a woman's sex drive, but freaking out after just a week off from sex is truly overreacting. Maybe she's coming down with a cold or something.

Please. It's only been a week and she's had migraines and anemia. You're taking this way too personally and probably making it worse by pressuring her.

To question whether she's the right woman to marry after such a short time makes me wonder if you're the right man to marry. What are you going to do if she gives birth and can't have sex for weeks or months? What are you going to do if she's too exhausted from caring for little ones all day? What are you going to do if she gets seriously ill? Pout? Feel hurt and rejected? Lay a guilt trip on her? Leave?

Marriage has lot's of ups and downs and if a week without sex has you this panicked, maybe you aren't ready for that kind of commitment.

Penguin, you make it sound like every time you have those rare alone times, you want to have sex. She might wish you wanted to do something else when you're alone together. If you're making her feel like all you want to do when you are alone together is have sex, she might begin to feel used, and disconnected from you emotionally. You say for you having sex is a way of showing love, but she might need to be shown she is loved in other ways in order to want to have sex.

Maybe you do do other things when you are alone together that strengthen your bond, and you just didn't mention them in your message, so correct me if I'm wrong.

P.S. Maybe you are a little bit insecure. Wanting someone to have sex with you "a lot", to make yourself feel secure, is going to cause problems in a relationship. I know you say you need a lot of sex to show "love", but you might want to consider that it isn't so much about love for her as it is about your own insecurity. (You know the kind of person who says "I love you" to their partner only because they want to hear their partner say it back... That's a turnoff.) She might be pulling away because she senses this.

I agree with all the advice everyone else offered. Also, you say she is your "soon to be wife" but you've been together six years? Have you set the date? Are you planning a wedding? The dynamics of your relationship may be changing. A wedding is pretty stressful. But, if you haven't really made the committment to take the next step, she may be getting tired of waiting.

Having said that, most women just aren't like men. We do need to be healthy and mentally ready for sex. If I had anemia and migraines I wouldn't feel very sexy either.

And, last but not least, most women do not feel that sex is the way they want to be shown they're loved. It just doesn't work that way for us. You really need to find out what she needs. Like Conner said, your approach so far is going to cause problems in the relationship.

Going a week without sex is hardly a crisis. You really do need to adjust your expectations.

Perhaps my experience can really get you down. Your fiance sounds like she has depression, which is common in people who have migraines.
My wife has been depressed since she was pregnant with our second child 15 years ago. The birth of our third ten years ago didn't help. If it wasn't for ovulation time every 4 weeks, our sexual activity would have been pretty bleak. Even then it was gradually down hill over the years. She was nice enough to try testosterone gel topically. It helped improve her mood and slowed the decline in libedo. Last March she decided she didn't like the 10 pounds of muscle she had gained and tapered herself off of it. (Don't stop testoserone cold turkey or things will be really bad for a while) The last time we had sex was April 6, That time and the few times before it she had a look of total revultion on her face. I decided that instead of waiting around on weekend mornings to see if she was willing to do something that she hated, my time would be better spent going out and working on our bike trails in our woods.
So we are like sister and brother, We have three healthy, athletic, smart kids, a beautiful farm, we comfortably live on my one part time job, but I am stuck with going solo with no relief in sight.
You might want to see how interested she is in joining you in some kind of counseling and get things worked out before you worry about the wedding.