His and Her Health

Hello all. My husband and I go months without having sex and I consider myself to have a very active libido. I look at a man and I instantly wonder what it would be like to be in bed with him. My husband could care less about sex and has told me that when most of his friend were starting to have sex at 16 that he had no interest in it. When we first started dating, he would lose his erection quite a bit which started a lot of frustrations for him and for me. I tried to be supportive and ask if there was anything I could do. He just said "sometimes this happens; ask my previous girlfriends." I understand we can't all perform all the time; I'm a realist. But when it started happening 4 out of 5 times would try to be intimate, it became even more frustrating. We are now married with a son. I am so sexually frustrated, because he will show more excitement over a football game (women are from mars, men are from venus, i know.) than he EVER would if I showed up naked in front of him. I asked him once even if he's like me to wear anything for him and he said, "I'd probably laugh." He's a horrid kisser, as well, and has chronic bad breath. On top of being sexually frustrated, when he pecks me on the lips before he goes to bed at night, his breath reaks. I've asked him to brush it, but he just says "what's the point, I'm going to bed!" Now, how the heck do I approach someone for intimacy who is most likely going to lose his erection, has horrible breath and does not know how to kiss? I've tried to talk to him about the things I do like; IE: "Try using your tongue, that turns me on," I try not to coach him too much, but he truly doesn't know what he's doing and I end up being miserable. Months go by without sex. THis can't be normal, can it? I find myself flirting with other men just for a little bit of attention, but I know that is not right and it only makes me feel worse about my situation. Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated!

It's not you OR him.

He is who he is and he did not deceive you about it and you married him anyway. And now you have a child. Did you think he would change after marriage?

I wish I could give you something positive here. Maybe if he's willing to go to counseling you can get some kind of compromise. But frankly, you've gotten yourself into a bad situation and he is not to blame. It would be nice if he wanted to make some effort to meet you halfway. That's what people who care about each other do. But people's basic sex drives are what they are and there's little you can do to change it.

You're playing with fire to be flirting with other men. You need to face your situation and decide honestly what you can and cannot live without and go from there.

Good luck!

Is he happy with things the way they are? Does he seem content, satisfied with your relationship? If the answer is yes, then Eva's right - you're stuck with a mismatched sexual partner. If the answer is no, then maybe counseling would help resolve the underlying problem, if there is one. Then at least you know you've done everything you can. Can you live the rest of your life like this? Can you keep from resenting him? I agree, there is probably nothing wrong with either one of you. So many people get married thinking their mate will change. Very unfair.

But about the toothbrushing, you really need to have a word with your husband's dentist and have him or her talk to him. He's ruining his teeth and tooth decay can lead to all sorts of health problems!

Thank you Eva and Shirl, I appreciate your feedback. What you said really hit home; that I knew this going in. He really is such a fun, nice, good-hearted man and I guess in my mind, I stupidly thought, "intimacy will get better with time," and I married him for his heart. I really do think that we are mismatched sexual partners and I have to learn to live with that and have him try to meet me half way on things. I'll continue to try; it can just get frustrating is all....

A man and a woman teach each other to love and to have sex. Don't ask him to do smth if you haven't taught him to do it yet. Be patient. Compliment him for everything you like. Everybody wants to be good, everybody likes when smb likes what he does.

<small>[ 09-28-2006, 02:07 PM: Message edited by: Moderator ]</small>