His and Her Health

My name is Kelly, I am 21, almost 7 months pregnant, and I have been married to my husband for almost only 4 month. I fear that he has lost interest in me! Recently he and I looked at some pornographic pictures together, something I dont have a problem with usually. I think that if a married couple experiences these things together and are comfortable with it, its ok. Unless it goes outside of the marriage. Then it almost feels like a betrayal in the marriage. He and I are also religious and not something I would think we be involved inside a of a marriage if it is being hidden from the parner. Anyway, so after that night he and I looked to the pictures together I have found that he was doin it by himself almost everyday and not wanting to be as close to me anymore. I have told him that I enjoy doin it with him, that it is something we can share together. He says he enjoys it to with me, but still does it by himself sometimes. I have asked him to stop doin it without me. He has agreed, but still we are not intimate. I decided to bring home a porn video one night to see if we could spice things up, it worked, but only while we were watching the video. The days after I would try to be intimate with him and he does not want to. One time he said maybe we can watch some videos this weekend. Now I feel like the only way I can make love to him, is when he sees someone else. There have been times that he was turned on and I went to pleasure him and make love to him, and his penis just goes limp. He says he doesnt know why this is happening, because he wants to but when it comes time to do it, it just goes limp. He also says that he fears intimacy for some reason, he does not know why. He told me he likes to watch the videos and look at pictures because he feel like he can get off and not have any attachments to these women, and doesnt have to worry about all the strings in between. He says its not like he knows them or loves them, he just know that they cant touch him, and if they were accually here he would never touch them. He doesnt even kiss me. He will hug me, and cuddle with me at night, which is great, But he turns me on so much, I love him and i love making love to him. I just want to be able to touch him and turn him on, and for him to persue me. I am very sexually frustrated. And I miss be that close and connected to him. It a very beautiful thing for married couple to have. But I cant have that. What do I do.............PLEASE HELP!!! Is it me? I feel so imbarrased when i cant keep him wanting me!

Kelly

It might have something to do with the fact that you are 7 months pregnant. A lot of men have a hard time reconciling the view of their wives as sex partners AND mothers at the same time. He may be afraid of hurting the baby - even unconsciously. He may be worried and stressed out about the future - he's young, newly married and about to become a father all very quickly. His view of his own role has changed too. He was a young single guy and now he's suddenly expected to provide for a family and be a dad. Not to say he won't come around, but it's a big adjustment! You might want to talk to him about these things. He may not even realize that's what's going on.

His looking at porn may be a simple escape from stress and worry. He wouldn't want them in real life any more than you. The whole point is that he has no obligations to the women in the porn. He doesn't have to worry about them at all - it's easy.

I just need to know how to get his mind off of porn and get him to want me again. He only wants me if were watching porn together, otherwise i cant get anything. He just doesnt want me at all anymore!

Please any suggestion!

eva gave you a good suggestion--TALK to him about it. Many, many men have difficulty reconcilling motherhood and womanhood. Once a woman gets pregnant, she is the mother of their child, not a sexual being. I don't mean this offensively, but I've seen it a lot more in men who are fairly religious, especially in religions where sex is considered "dirty" or "forbidden" or only for procreation (not sure what religion you are, so not sure if it applies).

He is likely watching porn because these woman are just objects to him, and not the mother of his child. Watching porn with you takes his mind out of "mommy-to-be" and into "sex object." So, the key is to TALK to him about it, and see why he's feeling this way. Let him know that yes, you are going to be the mother of his child; but, you are also still very much a woman. He needs to see you as the sexual being you still are, and that may take some work.

Also, some men simply don't find the physique of a pregnant woman attractive. Yes, I know it's supposed to be beautiful, and yes, I know it's politically incorrect: you're carrying his child, he should find you stunning, etc. That workss well on paper and should be true in real life; but, the truth is that some men just don't get turned on by pregnant women just as they may not like larger women, skinny women, etc. This could be a factor, and possibly something else to discuss. He also may be worried about what to do with your new body. For the most part, men have no clue what is okay in terms of sex with a pregnant woman: if he goes too deep or hard, will he hurt you or the baby? Can he play with your breasts, or are they sore? These kinds of questions can be embarrasing for men to ask, so you may need to volunteer some of this information.

dona1 Thanks for your advice. I have talked to him about it. All he tells me is that he simply doesnt want to have sex with me. Thats the bottom line. He just doesnt like being intimate. And as for, him not being attracted to pregnant women, I just dont see that about him. Simply because before I was even prengnant and also when we had just found out, he would always say, I think pregnant women are hot, the turn me on. And when we found out things like, I cant wait till your bigger and I can do this or that to you. Its goin to be so hot. So now I feel a little teased, because I sometimes think of the things that he told me, and I cant have them. As for our religion, we are christian, and we dont see sex that way. I dont know, I have talked to him many times, we never get anywhere, its hopeless. Hes now not even willing to get a little counseling. "How can telling some stranger that I fear intimacy, and that I look at porn, and she wants to have sex with me going to help?" He says. "They'll just tell you all the common sence things and tell you to look into certain books, I've already read books, and it didnt help did it?" I dont know where to start, I dont know how to find help for us. He wont take, he doesnt understand that other men have had this problem before and have gotten counseling and it has worked for many of them. If anyone has any suggestion on where to start with all of this, that would be great, because just talking to him is now officially goin nowhere.

Wow Kelly, I could have almost written this post myself! Sorry to hear someone else going through the pain of feeling un-desirable, un-loved, Just UN-DONE. I found myself wanting more "intimacy" during my pregnancy. Unfortunatly it hasn't gotten any better for me. The baby will be two in Jan. and we have only ONE time since he was born. February of this year. I have given up on sugesting anything to do with sex, or dressing sexy, trying to turn him on. I just cant deal with the rejection anymore.

I hope your situation improves. You've gotten some good advice here. and although you havent made much progress, the two of you are at least Doing SOME TALKING about it. (My whole problem~seems to exist only in my head. So what's to talk about?) With the porn, "Do what ya gotta do" at least you get ya some! But be careful, Men (maybe women too?) can become dependant on porn. IT can get so out of hand, that it can replace the need for a Real intimate partner altogether .

Real possable that's where i'm at. anyway... GOOD LUCK! Let us know how things are going, and if ya find something that works, PLEASE DO Share!!

MIKEZ BADGIRL