His and Her Health

I need some advice on how to help my boyfriend achieve orgasm through penetrative sex. While he gets aroused in a normal way, and enjoys sex, he is unable to orgasm in this way. His masturbation techinique does not involve the typical method of "w*nking" either, so he is unused to reaching orgasm with this kind of stimulation. To clarify, he IS able to orgasm - just via a method that doesn't involve his penis being inserted into anything ( vagina, fist, mouth etc), and he would like to be able to "teach" himself how to do so while he is inside me.
Another thing to mention is that the problem does not include him losing his erection - he simply stays hard throughout sex and it subsides naturally once we are finished. Sometimes he can remain like this for a very long time, though he doesn't get frustrated by not being able to "unload" so to speak.
Any advice would be much appreciated, thanks

Do a search on "traumatic masturbatory syndrome"

There is a very good website out there that will fix him up in no time.

Thank you for your response - this is exactly his situation and the website looks like it's going to be very helpful. To be honest I was terrified for my boyfriend when I first read it...thinkin he has managed to permenantly damage himself and is storing up problems for the future, but he is still in his early 20s so there's plenty time for us to re-teach him a better method!

Again, many thanks for your help

Bad Blonde,

I saw your post in the "ejaculations w/o orgasm" thread, but I'll reply here to keep the board organized.

I think the websites about "traumatic masturbatory syndrome" are somewhat exagerrated. They're only talking about prone masturbation right? When I was younger I experimented with prone masturbation a few times, but it never became my regular method. I never suffered any horrible effects, but then I wasn't having intercourse with girls either at that time so it's hard to tell.

Anyway, jerking off with a traditional thumb and index or fist grip still isn't very similar to a vagina. A lot of sex happens in a prone position. Why not just get an artificial vagina with a flat bottom that he can put on the bed and hump (using lube of course). If he already has the desire to lie down and hump the hell out of something why fight it and find him something similar but with less friction?

I masturbate the traditional way and I find it hard to come from intercourse (but I've only experienced it with a condom which certainly lowers sensitivity). So traditional masturbation isn't any magic bullet.

Obviously, he will be more sensitive if he hasn't masturbated for a few days before you have intercourse. Also, you could experiment with positions that make your vagina tighter (i.e. sqeezing your legs together and/or bringing your knees to your chest). Hope this helps.

P.S. Bad British blondes deserve to be spanked!

I just had a new idea:

Why don't you lay down on your back on the bed and then have your boyfriend hump against your lower pelvis like he usually would do against the bed (not inserting himself in your vagina). Who knows, it might work (or he could hump against your butt if you lie on your stomach). This way he could use his old method and feel some hooters at the same time---it could be the wank of his life.

Then if it works he could insert himself in your vagina when he's about to climax. It might not work, but it's just a thought.

It sounds good idea and I am sure it will work .

the inability to have an orgasm â€â€

I think Coiled Serpent has proposed some great ideas here. Your boyfriend has found what works for him, to totally change the method in which he stimulates himself is a bit drastic, just to be 'normal' like everyone else. It's like, if you required your clitoris for orgasm and he were to say "no I don't want to touch that, getting off with the clitoris feels too good and makes you unable to get off through vaginal intercourse like normal people, so stop touching it and learn to like this".

It's like the 'good for the goose/gander' type thing.

Besides using outercourse, I think you can potentially have intercourse while still stimulating him this way. I'm pretty familiar with prone masturbation since I myself practise that (hands free) as an alternative to the more normal supine form.

This may not apply to all guys, but for me personally, I point it down. It doesn't naturally go that way either, so it is rather uncomfortable if you try to just put it there, generally it's only possible if you ease into it while erecting from a flaccid state.

I don't see how people could do it prone any other way, honestly. The underside is much too sensitive and there's like a crushing force on it or something. If guys are doing it that way I could see how they could get problems, though not so much if done on a mattress or pillow. But if it's on a wooden floor, it has to point down or it'd hurt too much. This way, the sensitive underside doesn't touch the floor, it touches the sides and it's better.

So anyway, I saw this hilarious porn movie once where it looked like the missionary position, only rotated 180. Basically, instead of being lined up, they were reversed, as in feet to head and head to feet, rather than head to head and feet to feet.

It looked really odd, like some kind of yoga kama sutra type thing. But basically, this has the same effect I think, because it points downward, so it would give a similar (or actually, maybe even better type of stimulation.

It definately looks strange from afar though and I imagine is awkward to do (harder to balance than alone) and potentially dangerous, and probably less romantic (since it's like 69ing basically, only you're moved down so there's less/more ass visible).

Actually, based on that, since you're probably going for romance it may not be the ideal solution, but since you can 'spin' basically (probably something you gain experience with over time) you can switch between traditional and inverted missionary to please him, and to make the romantic connection you desire. It is exotic and you and he will feel like contortionists.

hello..just joined today i have the same problem and relieved to find its "not just me"and sympathise with you all i have been to see my gp and she i going to refer me to a uroligist a bit of insight to myself...i am 46 have two kids aged 19 and 14 had a vasectomy 5 or 6 years ago and been taking medication for asthma all my life could either of these be the prob ?

SEE healthystrokes.com
I recently met a 50 year old man who has masturbated in this fashion since young and as a result he can NOT climax when with a woman. He has been like this for at least 15 years (maybe more he won't admit how long). Apparently the friction from the female genitalia/mouth is too soft so it does not mimic the feeling of the bed. He told me of an experience where he went to have testing at a fertility clinic with his wife and he had to hump the floor in the "porn room" in order to fill the cup. How NASTY!!! Can you imagine this for the rest of your life??? Can you imagine being married to your wife and having to watch her as you hump the bed to have an orgasm for the rest of your life??? I would STRONGLY urge you to get him to retrain himself to climax using the standard masturbation technic with the hand.