His and Her Health

I feel guilty for saying this, but my husband has decided to get a vasectomy done. I am against it, from some of the stuff I read there's a potential for impotence and other nasty side effects (other than the fact that he is getting his balls snipped)
I have really mixed feelings about it, but he doesn't care and is going through with it anyway.

We already have problems in that department, with a lack of want/will/desire on his part...and now I'm experiencing some negative feelings toward this whole thing. I find it a turn-off and honestly he's going in next week to have it done and I've already lost my interest in sex with him.
I'm actually in tears over this, because I wasn't asked anything about it, and the doctor made mention that a lot of wives pressure their husbands into it...where I said "wait a minute, I am AGAINST this and want no part in it" so I just signed the paper holding the doctor harmless and was done with it.

I'm pissed and emotional about it, it's feeling like the beginning of the end of our relationship, because I don't feel like I can ever look at him the same way again.

Have you read up on it? The vast majority of men have no problem from it whatsoever. My husband had a vasectomy several years ago and after a few days recovery he was fine. Neither one of us can detect any difference in anything. His semen sees the same, he has no pain or change in his response or ability.

I'm a bit puzzled. It seems like there must be some other things going on in your relationship besides this and this symbolic to you in some way of other issues. I recommend you get to the bottom of that rather than obsess over the vasectomy. Is marriage counseling an option?

I tried to suggest counselling but he won't do it.
I think part of it is the fact that I'm not ready to call it quits on kids, but he is and won't bend on it. So it's made me angry at him over it and it's killing our sex life and relationship all together.

I don't know why I feel so against it, other than the fact that everyone keeps saying "oh it's perfectly safe" and if you do more extensive research, it isn't.
I don't trust it and yet my opinion means nothing, and it makes me where I don't want anything to do with him at all.

Well, that's the elephant in the room. Decisions about whether or not to have (more) children are basic basic basic. That's the heart of it, I'm sure. You aren't ready to draw that line and he is - AND rather than working it out with you and coming to a joint consensus, he's taking unilateral action to take the decision out of your hands. No wonder you're angry. Aside from whether or not you have children in the future, him ignoring your feelings on the issue has to be a cruel blow.

I would definitely go for counseling on this one. Marriages have ended over this and it's probably one of the toughest issues couples can face. If you want to save your marriage, please talk to someone!

Originally posted by Armywife0304:
I feel guilty for saying this, but my husband has decided to get a vasectomy done. I am against it, from some of the stuff I read there's a potential for impotence and other nasty side effects (other than the fact that he is getting his balls snipped)
I have really mixed feelings about it, but he doesn't care and is going through with it anyway.It's pretty clear that you are opposed to the procedure and are looking for bad stuff about vasectomies to support your position. Yes, there can be complications as with any procedure, but vasectomy is overwhelmingly safe. Post-vasectomy 'syndrome' is usually when a man has an anti-vasectomy attitude like yourself and feels pressured into vasectomy and resents it, If he has a positive attitude about it, and he does, then he will not have a problem, and if anything it is very likely to increase his sex drive, It did it for me.

I'm pissed and emotional about it, it's feeling like the beginning of the end of our relationship, because I don't feel like I can ever look at him the same way again. Clearly your relationship has problems far beyond the vasectomy issue. I am inclined to say that you should not interfere with him having it done. He wants it done, and opposing it will only harm your relationship. The worst thing that could happen is that you could force him into delaying it and get pregnant, bringing both your marriage to an end and a child (unwanted, to him) into it.

Maybe your marriage is doomed. But maybe not. As others have suggested, if you hope to save it you should get counseling, pronto. But as for the vasectomy, I think that you should calm down and make peace with it.

Oh so that makes it ok for him to make a decision without even asking me? I should just be like "ok, go ahead and have it done it if makes you happy, even though it's not what I want"...
I'm not making peace with it, this is my life too. I guess I should just let him do whatever he wants whether I like it or not then.

It is his body and he has decided not to create anymore babies. His mistake was not discussing it with you and or get couple counseling before he told you what he was going to do.

I am a vasectomy victim and was never warned of all of the potential side effects/ complications. Eight days after the "simple procedure" I lost all ejaculatory sensation. Months later the pain kicked in sometimes disabling. So I have been robbed of most of the sexual pleasure I once had and it has been replaced with pain What a trade. Doctors will not tell you about this and if it happens to you they will tell you it is all in your head. But I have found many more guys and their spouses with the same problem.
There is a website vasectomypain.org written by a doctor who had to have his reversed after suffering pain. Read his site and the links I am in contact with him from time to time and he is a great resource. Also check out Revolutionhealth.com and type in "Can a vasectomy cause problems in the bedroom" let him read these two first before he does it.
Without exception it was the biggest mistake of my life.