His and Her Health

I've been surfing the web for a bit researching ED. From what I have seen, I think I have a psychological form of it, and I would like a few second opinions. I'd also like some actual advice if this is the case other than "Time" or "Counseling" which seems to be the generic one liners on most informational sites have. I apologize for the abrasive tone but it has been a bit frustrating.

First let me illustrate the setting for you. Then we can dissect the many possibilities.

As of now, I began a "relationship" with someone, mostly in quotes because its pretty much on hold if I can't get myself sorted. She means a lot to me but I had to spend years with someone who had sexual dysfunctional and I didn't want her to go through something similar or rob her of full pleasure. Thankfully she is very understanding and giving me time to research and cope with what is going on.

I have 0 problems attaining an erection, I do not go limp during masturbation nor have a "lazy erection". My problem is somewhere between a few seconds to a minute after putting on the condom and going inside of her, I go limp. I do no lose sexual drive really but as soon as I realize it has happened I feel worthless and shut down.

Up until recently I have only had intercourse with one person. My ex-Fiance and I were in a relationship just short of four years. Although it started off as a fairly healthy sex life, she had a breakdown and became heavily medicated and developed Anorgasmia which is apparently a legit side effect of the main drug she was prescribed. After years of being unable to help her achieve an orgasm via penetration (sex, masturbation, fingering, dildos, nothing worked) it took a huge toll on our relationship. Although we both wanted to blame the medication, there was the tinge of accusation towards myself. This of course racked me with guilt and made her spiteful of me, part of why we finally called it off. Many times I would feel too guilty to orgasm during the actual act of sex regardless of the fact that she was on birth control. I never had a situation where I just went limp though. I did however loathe condom use since she was on BC but when we first started having sex I used them without fail.

The other thing I did not think of when this first started happening was nervousness. I get really nervous, especially with her. I make her orgasm multiple times through fingering and oral and the fact that I can do this (and apparently well) is a huge self esteem booster but when it actually comes to having sex with her, I am definitely nervous. Nervous about pleasing her, and now nervous about keeping it up. I also have to use a condom (at least I would presume, as far as I can tell she is not on BC and I'm not 100% sure she is STD free but I haven't developed anything yet) which I admit is a turn off. But not like this I wouldn't think, because the brief amount of time I am having sex, I am enjoying it immensely.

Another option I haven't touched on too much, is perhaps her in general. I've never dated a BBW before, and don't get me wrong, I do think she is sexy, but I'm wondering if there is some subconscious block from years of media brainwashing of "This is gross" even though consciously I have no problem with it. She isn't what I would consider morbidly obese and I do find her good looking clothed or not.

I wonder if this condom thing though has some legitimacy to it... The first time was almost at instant flaccidity with a normal condom. Normally I would wear a Magnum (Large not XL) so I thought maybe that was the problem as the sex was kind of of capricious, I wasn't prepared and she was. The second time though lasted longer, was nice and in a different position but as she got close to climaxing I went limp.

Anyway, those are the things I have been meditating on after searching around. What do you think?

I think you're thinking about this too hard.

First of all, with the condom, try putting it on sooner - not right before intercourse. Give it a chance to warm up, stroke yourself to get hard again with it on. Try masturbating with a condom to get used to the feel of it. It's quite common for guys to go soft right after putting on a condom, but if you give yourself a chance you can get hard again.

Second, it is quite normal for women to be unable to climax from penetration. In fact it is the norm. About 70% of women climax from clitoral stimulation and the clitoris simply isn't in a location that gets the right sort of contact from intercourse. So please don't feel like something is wrong with either you or the woman if that doesn't happen. Many many couples (myself included) have very happy and satisfying sex lives where she comes from manual or oral stimulation and he comes from intercourse and it's all good and loving and fun.

If you've given her multiple orgasms through fingering and oral, you HAVE PLEASED HER. Take your pleasure in intercourse! I'm sure she wants you to have as much pleasure as she did. Intercourse feels great for most women even without orgasm and we take as much pride and pleasure in our partners finding our bodies stimulating to you as you do finding your skills satisfying to her. Why deny her the pleasure of seeing you enjoy yourself?

You might want to ask your urologist if you could take something ,(Viagra,Cialis or Levitra)to help you through the beginning of intercourse.If you felt confident the erection would hold it might help you lose your nervousness until you become accustomed to your lady.