His and Her Health

[ Cross posting this from the Women's Sexual Health forum, to try to get a wider variety of insight; Hope you all don't mind! ]

Hello, I am a newbie here who is desperate for some insight.

I will have been dating my boyfriend for two years come the end of April.

I'm 24, he's 28.

Our sex life has never been great, though, we have had SOME great sex.

But, over the months, it seems to have went from mediocre to almost non-existent.

For quite a while now, my boyfriend has preferred oral sex.

I indulged him frequently for quite some time, as I also enjoyed it.

It was fun and fine for a while, but, at this point, he expects oral sex without giving anything in return.

He has never been a very affectionate boyfriend, which, I learned to deal with. I understand that not everyone is touchy-feely.

This situation has brought about many conversations and many fights.

At first I felt as though he wasn't attracted to me, which, he denied was the case.

At this point, we have sex about once, maybe twice a week. I almost always initiate it, and it almost always begins with me giving him oral. It almost always ends in me finishing him by giving him oral, also, ALTHOUGH, he has no problem ejaculating from sex, when he wants to.

When he initiates, it is always by trying to get oral. He never initiates regular sex.

When we do have sex, it seems forced, and unpassionate. Although, not entirely unsatisfying or unenjoyable.

We almost never make-out, which is a big turn on for me, whether it's during sex, or not.

We have watched porn together in the past, which was successful, and have even played with each other using our toys. ( I own a vibrator, he owns a Flesh Light. )

He has a self-proclaimed stocking/lingerie fetish, both of which I own, and occasionally use to get him in the mood.

During our discussions/fights about this issue, he often throws out the, "All you want is sex!" line, which, is just ludicrous, and also accuses me of not "trying" to get him in the mood, which, is also untrue.

I often kiss on him, hug him, rub him, cuddle him, all of which gets brushed off.

This year he had a hernia operation, and knowing full well that we would not be able to have intercourse for some time, I hinted around that I would have liked to have sex a few times before the surgery. He put forth no effort toward this.

During his down time after the surgery, we had taken to stimulating each other with our hands, and giving each other oral sex. ( During this time was the most oral sex from him I've ever received! ) We had more "sex" during this time than any other time since when we first started dating.

As an example, and what prompted me to seek out some insight to our problem, tonight he came to visit me to watch a movie. We laid in bed, snuggled up while watching. He kept hinting that he wanted oral, and after the movie was over, I obliged for a short while, and then told him that I wanted to have sex, to please myself, before I finished him. He told me, "As long as I don't have to move." In other words, he wanted me on top. I declined, as I have a hard time reaching orgasm in that position. I continued to try to get him to have sex with me, sprawled on the bed nude, and he just made the excuse that he didn't feel good. ( We have been sick, but, when I asked him earlier in the day how he had felt at work, he said he had felt fine. ) Frustrated, I told him to just forget it, got dressed, and sat at the desk next to my bed. After a few minutes, he, frustrated & resigned, told me to just get back in bed. I declined, again, politely, and completely turned off by this point, to which I was met with this gem: "Just come get in bed, or I know you'll just go get it somewhere else." I told him, "That's the way to get me back in bed." And, that was the end of that. ( Note: I have never been unfaithful to him. )

Now, tonight happens at least once a week. He wants oral sex, I try to initiate regular sex to at least get myself off, and it bombs. He doesn't want to have normal sex.

I know that he looks at/watches porn while he's at home ( We do not live together. ), and sometimes I wonder if this is contributing to the problem. But, I am hesitant to ask him about this, because it might make him defensive and prone to lie about how often he does it.

I am 99% positive that he is not seeing anyone else, as he leads a pretty quiet, predictable life; He goes to work ( Where he often messages me from his phone ), goes home, and plays an MMO that we play together, during which we also message each other, then, goes to bed. When he's not at work or home, he's visiting me.

Other than the lack of affection and sex, we have a good relationship. He's my best friend, and we have lots of fun while spending time together. We play games, we watch movies, we roughhouse, and we go out once in a while, and we're both content.

I just don't understand what is going on with his lack of desire to be intimate.

Talk about a WALL of text, THANK YOU for reading if you got this far, and, if you didn't...

TL;DR - Boyfriend prefers oral sex over regular sex, and often will refuse/make excuses to please me. Isn't affectionate, or passionate, even during sex. Has a strong stocking/lingerie fetish. Possibly looking at porn to the point that he isn't wanting sex?