His and Her Health

1st the weird part. Am a 37 year old never been in a sexual relationship until this week! Strange I know but recently started sleeping with fantastic, attractive 44 year old woman I've known as a friend for a couple years. She does not know about my lack of experience.

Have spent 5 wonderful (for me anyway)nights with this woman so far. Here's the problem: I've been able to "fake" my way through so far and she seems to enjoy it enough. However, as you may imagine, it has not gone completely smoothly. I have zero problem achieving an erection initially. However, I find myself unable to achieve orgasm and my erections seem to wane after a while (10-15 minutes). Serious bummer.

I'm pretty convinced from what I've researched that it's mostly performance anxiety from the buildup of expectations over all these years. I believe another factor has been the different sort of stimulation from oral or vaginal sex as opposed to masturbation.

Last night she expressed disappointment to me in a way that was (not intentionally i'm sure)not very sensitive. This made me much more anxious as you can probably understand. I'm afraid this is causing sort of a chain reaction that I don't see getting better unless something changes.

My question: Is there any way that she doesn't know that I'm a virgin?

She has given no indication but I feel like she wouldn't be surprised if I confided this in her. I have avoided telling her because I thought maybe I could get by without going through that embarrassment.

Right now am torn between trying to tough it out and not telling her or laying my cards on the table and seeing what happens. I think I know the right answer but would love to hear others' opinions.


Sorry so long-winded.

Lay your cards on the table . You might be surprised . There are tons of women who find it exciting to be able to teach their lover how to please them and to enjoy sex to the fullest.

gcon, your diagnosis sounds correct. And what's ironic is that your reluctance to tell her you're a virgin probably comes from the same insecurity that is now contributing to your temporary ED.

I think an important part of a relationship is establishing enough trust so that it feels safe to be honest about things like this. If you're going to try to appear invulnerable, maybe she will likewise feel less inclined to admit vulnerabilities of her own. Is there any risk in admitting to your inexperience -- yes, a small one. But you have to be willing to take small risks like this in a relationship. What's the worst that can happen?

I don't think it's too late to make a full admission. Why do you feel that a man needs to always be more "experienced" than a woman, especially because you're younger. It's mathematically an absurd notion to begin with, as the amount of sexual experience of men and women has to be about the same -- every time a man is having sex, there's a woman having sex. And every time a man has a new partner, his partner is a woman for whom he is a new partner. So, the amount of sex and the number of different partners for men and women has to be about the same, on average. And an older person can be expected to have had more sex, regardless of gender.

And I agree with the moderator. On the other side of that coin, many women are sick and tired of the kind of guy who comes on like he has all the experience in the world, especially if he has the attitude that there isn't anything new that she can teach him about sex and what matters to her.