His and Her Health

Okay, first time posting here. Little info about myself:

I'm 18
in great shape (play hockey and lacrosse and run a lot)
non-smoker
I drink but not heavily, only socially and never alone

I had some issues with sexual anxiety and condoms in the past but I thought they had gone away. I'm dating a girl that I REALLY like and it just became an issue again about 30 minutes ago. I'm pretty much devastated and I'm looking for answers.

Basically this girl is a "good" girl that I'm with and she made me wait a pretty good amount of time before I could have sex with her. She's only been with one other guy and I've been with a couple of girls so she seemed pretty apprehensive. To make things clear, I am EXTREMELY attracted to her and get strong erections around her ALL the time, whether or not our clothes are on or off. Like many girls that are trying to make a guy wait, she kept me content for the past few months by giving me oral sex or using her hand. When we were doing these things I NEVER had a problem getting a strong erection. Heck, half the time I would just be lying next to her in bed without her doing anything and I'd have a strong erection.

Anyways, today we were fooling around between class and I asked to have sex with her (like I always do, half jokingly expecting another "no") and she said yes. I was inside of her for a few strokes without a condom on just to get her going a little bit and I was fine with a strong erection. She told me to put one on so I did.

Here's where everything went wrong. Since she made me wait so long to have sex with her there was a ton of build up to this moment. Putting the condom on just ruined it as I had to sit up and fumble around with the wrapper for 30 seconds. Even though it only took me 30 seconds it felt like an eternity and I kept second-guessing myself in my head. After I got it on I started getting nervous and once I got it on my erection started to dwindle. I waited MONTHS for this day when I never had to wait longer than 3 weeks with any other girl I've been with and I blew it...

This has happened to me once before with another girl, but I wasn't half as into her, had had a little bit to drink and it was freezing where we were so I didn't make much of it. Now I'm starting to get worried because this should NOT have happened.

I tried to get her on top (because I heard missionary position is the worst for guys with erectile problems but I could be wrong) but she didn't want to be on top for our first time which is understandable. I pretty much just made lame excuses and tried to hide my penis from her until she got fed up and put her clothes back on. Extremely embarrassing. She had no idea what to think because I'm always asking to have sex with her and when she finally gave me the opportunity I passed it up.

I don't understand it. I'm ready to go and then all of the sudden my erection just goes away. Could it be because the condom is too tight? I'm about 7 inches long, but I think that should be fine in your basic lubricated trojan...right? Or do you guys think this is mental? I have to say, the only other time I had the same problem there was a TON of build up to me having sex with the girl (a bunch of her friends and a bunch of my friends wanted it to happen and I was kinda pressured into hooking up with her). I think this is psychological. I'm a very social person but I'm high strung and stressed out a lot. I get nervous for no reason. Usually if I'm nervous in a social setting like a party I have a drink or two and I'm fine, but obviously alcohol isn't going to solve my erectile problems.


Can someone please help me? I feel like I could fall in love with this girl and I'm too embarrassed to tell her I might have a problem, especially because she might think I'm making something up because I'm hard around her all the time when we're doing other things.

Please help.

Your situation is really very common and the answer is simple.

First of all, it's not at all unusual to go limp when putting on a condom. There's the fumbling around, getting it on and then it's cold at first. Put the condom on earlier in the proceedings. Let it warm up. Give yourself a few strokes to get yourself hard again. Have some more foreplay. Rather than spend the time horribilizing about how you're messing up some how, think of ways to make her feel wonderful. Eventually, the erection will come back.

The other part of the solution is to practice. When you're alone, practice putting one on and the masturbate with it on. Get used to how it feels.

People have the idea that condoms really change the way sex feels so much. And I guess they do AT FIRST. But if they really did all that much, how could so many people find that one broke or came off while they were having sex and they didn't notice?

And please please please, no more "few strokes without the condom." There's a name for people who do that: parents.

Look man... all you had to tell me was you were 18 and having erectile problems... and I can tell you with 99.9% certainty, is is sexual performance anxiety.

I had the same problem around your age.

You want to take pressure off of the situation. It's funny how at your age, something like this happens, and you don't explain to her.

Explain to her that you like her so much, and that you are so excited, that you are also nervous, which gets in the way of your erections... it's true, isn't it?

You want to take it easy and enjoy the situation like no one's watching... take your time and enjoy her body and get as aroused as possible... DO NOT THINK ABOUT YOUR ERECTION... it's a natural process that will come along on it's own.


Good luck... and everything will work out... trust me. Take it easy...