His and Her Health

  • Increase font size
  • Default font size
  • Decrease font size
Home Sexual Health Forums
Welcome, Guest
Username Password:
Wife won't let go during oral sex
(1 viewing) (1) Guest
  • Page:
  • 1

TOPIC: Wife won't let go during oral sex

4 years, 8 months ago #31197
  • ARegularDude

Wife won't let go during oral sex

We're mid 40s and married 20 years. Relationship is good, for the most part. I have a higher libido than she does. When she's in the mood, sex can be very good. However, as time has passed, that seems to happen less and less often. Early menopause signs may have something to do with it. However, she has always been more restrained when it comes to behind closed doors activities.

For example, mutual masturbation just doesn't happen. Embarrassment on her part clicks in. The few times I have had trouble completing the act (during regular sexual activities), and took things into my own hands, so to speak, her eyes remained closed and she didn't want to see or discuss it.

And, she has never wanted me to make her get to her happy place orally. This makes me sad, as it's about the biggest turn-on in the world for me to watch an oral session get her to climax. It seems that unless it's the pure "make a baby" formation, she loses interest, and perhaps feels guilty somehow? In fact, the rare times I've been pleasing her orally, she has never let me complete the act.

I realize therapy might change things in a positive way, but she resists strongly. I think she is too modest to talk about this with a stranger. She did not have many sexual experiences when we married, which I have no problem with, but I wonder why she is so reluctant to be a little more open to new experiences, at this midpoint in our lives.

We both have healthy body types and are both attractive, as confirmed by what people have told us over the years.

Not sure what to do at this point. I'm tired of hoping and expecting for a more active, uninhibited sex life, and she just doesn't seem to have a lot of interest.

Any ideas you have (short of "go see a therapist", which I may push for as a last resort) would be appreciated!

Thanks!
OFFLINE
4 years, 8 months ago #31198
  • yamashita10

Re: Wife won't let go during oral sex

Hi there,

I'm not a therapist but somewhat in the same boat. It sounds like guilt or shame from a religous childhood. Not saying that in a negative way but many strity orthodox or near orthodox religions implant life long feelings of sexually guilt in women unless it's for reproductive purposes.

Advice: Talk to her outside the bedroom.
Be honest. You have to spend the rest of your lives together , you need to be satisfied. Ask her to meet you half way.

Find the middle ground that you can enjoy and she won't mind doing. Try not to intimidate her. G'luck
OFFLINE
4 years, 8 months ago #31199
  • stealthygopher

Re: Wife won't let go during oral sex

Hello,

As a fellow man in a sexless marriage you have my sympathies.

I think there are such a huge myriad of problems associated with a sexless marriage there isn't much I can offer in the way of advice short of the following. You aren't going to get anywhere unless improving your sex life is important to her - ask her if she is unhappy with it and wants it to improve and make her take her time and think about it. If the answer is yes than why don't you explore online counseling?

There is great access to credentialed relationship and sex therapists online that allow complete anonymity which may be exactly what she needs to open up and talk about her problems with a therapist.

That being said, don't ask questions unless you actually want the answer. Be prepared for her to say that she is happy with your sex life and doesn't want it to change. Truth aside, if she doesn't think there are problems to discuss then therapy won't help you. You have a responsibility to yourself to be happy, give some thought to what you need and if you can accept your relationship if the sex doesn't change.

Good luck!
OFFLINE
4 years, 6 months ago #31200
  • bluebird

Re: Wife won't let go during oral sex

May I offer the following opinion?

Have you tried telling her how much you enjoy performing oral sex on her? We women are aural creatures. If she stops you during the act ask her why, then tell her how much you enjoy it. Be romantic/erotic with it. Is it possible she thinks that you are just humouring her in this fashion? If her clitoris is very sensitive it may be slightly uncomfortable for direct stimulation.

This will sound strange but if she is shy, try very soft lighting like candlelight on the other side of the room so its dark enough for her to express herself.

I hope this helps.
OFFLINE
  • Page:
  • 1
Moderators: admin, moderator