His and Her Health

Hi everyone. I'm a man who can't understand how a male gynecologist is able to keep from getting aroused when looking at my wife. I think my wife is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. She gets upset with me because I can't handle her visiting a male gynecologist. Just because he sees 20 vagina's a day doesn't mean he doesn't pick out his favorites and fantasize. I was in the exam room with her the other day and I got sick to my stomach when he looked under the sheet. Does anyone have any stories or advice that can help me out? My wife and I are recently pregnant and I don't know how I'm going to be by her side when I can't stand the sight of this man touching and looking at my wife.<p>[This message has been edited by acritter (edited March 12, 2005).]

Get over yourself. The Dr. is a professional<BR>doing his job.Like a mechanic working on a motor. They don't think of a vagina other than a part of the woman's anatomy they have been trained to take care of,and the baby she is carrying.Don't put yourself in the Dr.s place. He views your wife as his patient and not a vagina to ogle or get aroused by.Grow up please.<BR>Ruby<BR>ps .congratulations on the future baby.<BR>

OK, here's a reversed perspective on the same matter, which might give you some insight. I'm a middle-aged man in excellent health, and my doctor is an attractive young woman. I'm fine with it, and don't get aroused when she asks me to undress for my annual checkup because, at least for me, my mind doesn't interpret it as a sexual situation. And my wife doesn't mind either -- in fact, she thinks it's "about time" a woman doctor can examine a man, after all the male gynecologists she's had. I also came to realize I could hardly protest after having seen my wife in the delivery room, and she didn't mind that lots doctors and nurses were walking in and out during her 15-hour labor.

Also, my previous doctor was a man, who I came to suspect was gay, so same-gender is no guarantee of being free of these kinds of issues.

When you're walking down the street with your wife, how do you know nobody is looking at her and fantasizing? I suspect that happens a lot more than with any doctor. Believe me, when you do what a gynecologist does day after day, it stops being sexy a long time ago.

Just as you are "conditioned" to become aroused at the sight of a woman's private parts, because you think of having sex, a gyn doctor is "conditioned" to see the same thing and think of work, not play time.

I hope you've gotten over this by now. If not, I'm sure you will before long. Delivering a baby is not, I'm sure, an erotic experience for anyone.

Alright. Some insight;;; my father is a doctor who, like many, tried different fields before choosing which was right for him. He wanted to be a gyno because of the wonderful feeling of being there when a couple delivers a baby (nothing sexual about the bleeding vagina and a woman in pain). He did an internship and decided that he couldn't be a gyno because it was too bloody. Every vagina is not clean and neat in that practice. Smell and blood and secretions come out, and they have to treat each patient as though they have HIV/AIDS in order to protect themselves incase any do.

So, you tell me. Does viewing every vagina that walks into your office in this mannor sound sexy? If it does, leave your wife to take care of it on her own; she needs prenatal care like any other woman.

One last thought... my father is very open with me regarding medical issues... has drawn me diagrams of a woman's anatomy and described it in detail. Here's the catch... I never had the "sex talk" with either of my parents. My father can discuss anatomy of vaginas without being at all interested in sexual issues. He does not, however, feel comfortable discussing the vagina as a sexual object. While this may sound odd,,, just think about it. Doctors aren't "checking out" your wife's package; they are examining it.

Greetings Board Members!

I am one of the outspoken husbands in regards to the male/female doctors thing.

I will not allow my wife to be examined or treated by a male doctor for female releated health issues.

I don't owe ANYONE (except my Wife) an explanation as to my reason for feeling this way. It's my God given and LEGAL right.........!

Hydruland,

What state do you live in that has a law giving you the right to choose your wife's doctor? As far as I am concerned, and to my knowledge, no state gives a husband or wife the right to require their spouse to (or not to) see a particular doctor, or do anything for that matter.

It is probably a cultural thing with Hydruland.

My husband had, and I repeat HAD, the same issues. We had many a pow-wow about the situation.

I was well established with my male ob/gyn when my hubby and I first met. I did NOT find the appointments pleasant and to change doctors would only cause me more stress.

Our 'discussions' ranged from me "letting a man grope me" to "the Doctor was sick and twisted". And to add fuel to the fire, my Doctor is a rather young man.

For pete sake, it is a health appointment, in a doctors office, with a nurse always present. Not some back room at your neighborhood girly bar!

My husband attended appointments with me, he grew to see the doctors concerns where soley health related. My doctor makes it very clear, his goal is the health of me (and when I was pregnant) the health of my baby. And my husband was MAN ENOUGH to see it clearly and accept him as a benefit to MY health.

Acritter - here is a time in your life that your wife and baby's health are at the utmost of importance and the biggest thing on your mind is YOUR COMFORT.

You come here whining - "I feel sick to MY stomach when he looked...", "I can't stand", "I think.." You even admitted that she is upset with you. Keeping her upset isn't good for her health or the health of the baby.

Sorry you are not the center of attention at this time guy, but you gonna have to put on your big boy pants and deal with it.

It is time for you to truly CARE about HER and put HER feelings, HER confort and HER health first.

Considering his post count and the time this topic was started, I don't expect acritter is going to be frequenting this topic any further. For the sake of future male readers who are also in acritter's situation, I would like to -still- comment and provide support concerning this subject. I will refer to acritter just the same.

First of all, it is quite rude for us to judge and look down upon acritter for sharing this problem with us. He has addressed that it is a problem and has clearly stated that he is looking for help. This takes a lot of effort for some people (men and women) and we should respect that he is open to this issue and searching for understanding and a means to solve this problem. Clearly, acritter was "man enough" to seek out these message boards and seek out understanding in order to help him change his behavior. Saying things like "Get over yourself." probably just chased him away and we don't need to chase away anyone who is trying to open up and share their problems and learn how to improve; just the same as we wouldn't tell a young girl who doesn't understand how baby's are made to "Grow up please."


Acritter,

Many men have this problem and you are not alone, however, this doesn't mean that such behavior is 'right' or healthy. As carebearhoneybee has described; doctors are concerned with the health of their patient, not sexual fantasies. Such doctors have been studying their profession intensely because they want to help others and their minds are focused on their work too intensely to be aroused.

A statement such as "Just because he sees 20 vagina's a day doesn't mean he doesn't pick out his favorites and fantasize." is irrational, and I recommend analyzing the situtation further. There is no reward for a doctor to pick out favourite women and fantasize about them on his own time. Such fantasies could interfere with his work and, most important, interfere with his services.

Furthermore, while your wife might be the most gorgeous and amazing woman to you and the center of your world, you have to remember that she is just another patient to her doctor - he most probably has a wife and a life of his own outside of the office that he is more concerned about. To view their patients in the ways that you discribe is extremely disrespectful, but GYN doctors are more likely to choose the profession because they have an utter respect and appreciation for women. It's most likely the least of your problems.

To me, this seems like a jealousy or confidence issue. I recommend that you discuss this with your wife but do not be accusing about it. Use sentences with phrases like "I am uncomfortable.." and "Help me understand.." and, most importantly, respect your own wife enough to let her make her own choices. The most important thing for a wife visiting her GYN is that she is comfortable with her doctor and the best way to assure this is that she chooses for herself (gender should be irrelevant).

Indeed, while you should be comfortable as well, the focus should be on her because this is HER doctor.

Once discussing the issue with your wife, see that she will be comfortable with you attending sessions with her and explain to her that this is so that you can understand and condition yourself to get used to it - NOT because you don't trust her or feel like you need to keep your eyes on her.

Inside the office, discuss with the doctor what he's checking for and be vocally involved with his procedures. Listen to what he explains especially. This can help you to understand what's going on and why. Outside of the office, discuss the procedures with your partner and show your interest in your her health so that these kinds of discussions are more comfortable. Talking about it maturely will help you to get used to the situation as well as help in communication of what is sadly 'taboo' in some relationships.

Certainly, be sure to keep your cool and be an understanding, respectful, and loving husband... You're on her side.

If none of this helps, seek professional help. If you and your partner cannot change your behavior on your own, the issue might be a relationship issue.

I personally have no problem when my girlfriend goes to the GYN. Gender isn't an issue because my concerns are that she is comfortable and getting proper checkups. This is a state of mind. Change your focus on your wife and her health and realize that there is no rationality in being jealous of a doctor - he has interests of health, you're the one with your wife's sexuality on your mind.

If gender is irrelevant then why not pick a someone whom you both are comfortable with? If I told my wife that I'm uncomfortable with her being naked infront of other guys and she said "I don't care I do what I want", "Get over yourself" and "Stop being jealous" and continued doing it...that would be a problem.

Hahaha, the next time my wife tells me she's uncomfortable with me doing something, I'll use those responses. We'll see how far that gets me!

You have to take your partner's feelings into consideration when you do something. I honestly don't see how any relationship can work like that.

If a woman can't go to a gynecologist because he might take a sexual interest in her, then a woman can't go to a female gynecologist because she might be gay and take a sexual interest in her. So the logical conclusion would be that women should only go to male gynecologists who have been certified to be gay, and only gay (not bisexual), so as to have documented proof of lack of sexual interest in women. We could also accept female gynecologists who have been certified to be straight.

And if that's impractical, I suppose it's better for the woman to cancel her medical care in order to protect her husband from uncomfortable feelings of sexual insecurity.

You are taking it too far and you know it. I don't think any husbands are willing to take it that far. A guy saying "I'm uncomfortable with you being naked infront of (and touched by) other guys" is a far cry from a guy saying "It has to be a woman with certification and documents proving she is straight." I thank GOD I don't have these problems with my wife! We make decisions TOGETHER, taking both sides into consideration.

All relationships are different, but again, you always need to take your partner's feelings into consideration. I would never put myself in a situation which made my wife extremely uncomfortable and caused fights (as some previous posters mentioned). If there is a sensible alternative, why not take it? Is it a pride thing? An "I won't let my man control me" thing? I've stopped doing many things that I know are 100% harmless because it made my wife uncomfortable. To me it doesn't really matter WHY shes hurt (or even that it doesn't make sense to me), all that matters is I'm hurting her.

Seriously, its not hard to find a female gynecologist.

I must say that, in my experience (in a busy New York City Area), it is very difficult to find a female gynocologist. I have heard of one, and I go to her. Just to add a piece to the puzzle.

The fact that you found one, and were able to schedule appointments with her, tells me that shes not overloaded. If there really was only 1 in your whole area, she would probably be booked up forever