His and Her Health

Hello everyone,
I would really appreciate if someone can offer some advice. I would love to hear from an OB/GYN or anyone with any experience for what I'm about to describe.

A little background:
My wife and I are both in the military and have experienced ALOT of separation (we have been together for over 10 years, are both middle aged and physicians so our relationship is not young and naive). Unfortunately the separations contributed to an affair on her part after an initial 8 month separation. After that separation we spent two weeks together. The two weeks together were great, we made love often. However, these two weeks were in the middle of her affair but I didn't know about it yet. During our very first encounter (of those two weeks) I was expecting her to be tighter than normal and she wasn't. I had a fleeting thought she cheated on me but after asking her she denied it and I believed her. It wasn't for another 6 months that I found out about the affair. It's been over a year now and after much counseling, sorrow and work we are getting our relationship back on track. We once again are coming off a much shorter deployment separation of two months. She has been taking Depo Provera for about the last four years. She stopped taking it just about two months ago. Now that she is home I was once again expecting her to be much tighter than when I last was with her. Unfortunately I was disappointed and skeptical of her fidelity. However, she now gets incredibly/overly lubricated. She gets lubricated to the point where I can't really feel anything (out of three times having sex she climaxed each time where as I was only able to climax once!). I am blaming the lack of feeling on vaginal looseness where as she thinks my lack of feeling may be because of excessive lubrication and an unrealistic expectation that I thought she would be much tighter. She swears up and down that she has been faithful, that she appreciates me for staying with her and would never be unfaithful again because risking our marriage just isn't worth it. I want to believe her. She is very upset (as am I) about our disappointing reunion. We are both in tough positions. I have good reason not to trust her and she has the difficulty of regaining my trust.
My questions:
1. Is my expectation of increased tightness (with her not doing pelvic floor exercises) realistic?
2. Is her going off of Depo and causing an increase in estrogen lending to a dramatic increase in lubrication?
3. Would this increase in lubrication lend to the feeling of increased 'looseness' and my lack of feeling?
4. I hate to keep pushing the infidelity possibility but I need to find the truth.
Can anyone help???

TR

There is absolutely no reason to think that she would be tighter after a long separation. I'm not sure where you would get that idea - tightness or looseness comes from muscle tone. There is also no reason to think she would be looser after an affair. A penis, however grand, is simply not capable of creating that kind of change in a woman's stretchy vagina - it just snaps back to its original size. Whether she had an affair or not is UNRELATED to the feel of her vagina. Now if she secretly gave birth while you were apart...

I'm not that familiar with Depo but I do know that increasing estrogen will tend to increase lubrication, so I suppose that could be the reason. And a lot of lubrication would certainly tend to reduce friction.

What eva said.
1. No.
2. Don't know.
3. Absolutely. Keep a towel handy.
4. You'd better stop pushing the infidelity issue if you want to make this work. Yes, you have every reason to wonder, but if you can't begin trusting your wife the marriage is doomed.

Your wife made a mistake -- understandable in your situation. You've got to believe that she learned from the mistake. Forgive and forget if you can. If you still can't cope with the fact that she was once unfaithful, walk away. There's no way to prove her fidelity, any more than you could prove yours. It takes faith and trust from you alone. I hope you find it in yourself. Good luck.

I thank you all very much for your insight and frankness. Your words are very much appreciated. As far a the marriage advice, I concurr. You both are correct. As always saying is easier than doing, but I shall continue to work at it with her!
Thanks again
TR

To TR: It is possible that the Estrogen would make her more lubricated. As the others have said, the looseness would not necesarily indicate infidelity. The vaginal tissues, once stretched, may not spring back to tightness, unless your wife is post menopausal and/or has not had sex in several years (which does not seem to be the case]. Each person's tissues have their own range of elasticity. As for your trust in her, it might be helpful for you to see a couples therapist to help you rebuild your marital realtionship and your trust. Much of sexuality lies in the mind, not only in the body. [I am not a doctor, but a professionally trained relationship therapist and have a keen interest in mind/body relationships.] Best of luck to you both. Gracie

I have experienced vaginal looseness even though I haven't cheated on my boyfriend. It is a drag and you shouldn't be so quick to think that this is a result of cheating