His and Her Health

I will start off by giving you a brief history... When I met my husband I was 23 and I had had sex with over 100 men. I was/am ashamed of this but honest with him when we first started dating. I was in the military and he was a civilian and also married. I got out of the military and we got married a week after his divorce was final (also this was our 2 year anniversary). He has never really trusted me because of my past and I had made a couple mistakes early in our relationship like bringing phone numbers home from the club and hiding numbers in case we didn't make it. I never knew I could love someone like this (forever). Anyways, We got married in May and in November of that year he was sent to jail for 9 months. I found out how cold people can be, for instance my family and friends telling me how much they really didn't like my husband and pressuring me to get a divorce. I kept strong to my marriage until around 2-3 weeks before my husband got out, that is when I cheated, I had sex 1 time and 1 time only. When my husband was released I left Ohio and went to NC to meet him at his mother's house. After 9 months we had sex and he complained that I had been cheating. He said I was loose and therefore obviously I had been with several people in his mind. Right after this my best friend cheated on and left her husband, her husband went and looked for her calling me wanting info, I gave him NO info (it wasn't my place and I really didn't know where she was). He then called my husband and told him I was screwing around the whole time he was locked up.When her husband found her, he told her I am the one who ratted her out, as to her location. He then had her call my husband and tell him that I was cheating with several people, gettin paid to have sex and a bunch of crap.We haven't spoke since, I don't think you can call yourself a friend if when your marriage is falling apart you are willing to sabatoge someone else's marriage. I have never recieved $ for sex and I only had sex 1 time with 1 person since he and I have been together- 4years. I really messed up by doing this and then I lied about it. Now I am a cheating lying whore whenever he thinks about it. I know he feels he can't trust me and that I am going to do it again or did it more then. I really love my husband and want to make my marriage work, I messed up. I need him to understand that my looseness had nothing to do with multiple partners while he was locked up. (reference- I have no children) Please help me to explain this to him.

I'm not sure anything we can say here can help your relationship much at this point. What good would it do to prove that your loose vagina was not due to having sex? He still wouldn't trust you - no thanks to your rotten ex-friends.

But just to answer your question, a loose vagina is not caused by having sex - either frequently or with a large partner. In fact, it can be a sign of just the opposite. Frequent sex keeps the vaginal muscles strong and healthy. If you haven't had sex in a long time, sometimes the muscles can become loose from losing tone. Which may be what happened in your case, since you only had sex once in that whole time.

Messed Up,
Oh yeah, I’d just have to agree with you even a bit more than 100%! Loose vagina is not what the true problem is, “not for you anyways!â€

My wife ask me to read this so I can understand this. First of all The words cheating lying whore was use but put yourself in my shoes. I was told that she love me and she would be with me, even If I was in a cardboard box and then lie to the whole time I was lock up. she broke my heart and I did say thoes words but my heart was hurt inside. BStrong you did not say anything about the topic just how she should not be call that.

Messed Up,
I was hesitant to get too raveled up with all of the details within your story because I do not wish to appear that I was only passing judgment. With having too much focus on the all of the chosen irresponsible conduct that was described. Unfortunately, the two of you started off your relationship, greatly off kilter. You were factually someone else’s husband when the relationship began. Those issues regarding your marriage should have been resolved prior to beginning any type of new connection. This basically set both of you two starting off without having the foundation of trust that is absolutely necessary for a successful relationship. You were returning home to a wife/family that should have been your main priority whether you wanted to dissolve that union or not, you had a responsibility to finish business before moving on and involving yourself with a new relationship. That was the number one mistake and it was powerfully destructive to what makes of your current circumstances. Now your four year marriage is lacking security which is the number one stabilizer in any relationship, “trust.â€

Well I understand what you are saying about me being someone else husband, But there are always reason why things happen. First of all the only reason I met my wife now is because My first wife had a baby by another man and I was not about to stay married to her. And my wife now told me when we met that she would never cheat on me or do something to hurt me and that is why I was so hurt after all was said and done.But I do try to belive in my wife and after all I been thru it is hard.

To the husband:

Your trust has been broken. What can your wife do to get it back? What would it take? Is it possible?

You can't go on punishing her forever OR feeling hurt and betrayed forever. If that's the case, it might be better to move on. But if there's a way to put the past behind and start over, you might do ok.

I agree with bstrong that counseling would be a good idea. Trust has to be earned.

You both have made mistakes in life and in this relationship. Evidently he did something wrong enough to end up in prison. Her cheating, while hurtful and wrong, sort of pales in comparison.

You both need to forgive each other. If you can't, move on. But try to learn something from this so you don't go on to repeat these mistakes again with someone else.

I did go to jail for nine mos. I I was on probation for child support. I have paid child support for ten years and I miss 6 mos do to illness and they put me on probation. Which I thought was unfair since I never been in jail or was on trouble with the law. My wife wanted to move to NY and I ask if I could go and they said no so me being dum I went ahead and moved.I thought as long as I paid my child support then what does it matter where I live. But they did not see it that way and so to make a long story short I did nine mos not to have probation. Yes I try to forgive my wife and then something else from when she cheated comes up.

Messed Up,
There are just “NOâ€