His and Her Health

I am new to this site, but everyone seems so helpful. Hoping that someone can give me some advice on how to get my husband to open up to me. Our lovemaking has gotten somewhat "boreing". It's the same way, from beginning to end everytime. I've hinted that we need to spice it up, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. I've told him the things I would like to try and even bought books and pointed out things I would enjoy. Also asked him what he would like to experience. I'm open to almost anything with him. We've only been married 4 years, I don't want this to continue. I love him with all my heart and want to please him as much as have my own needs met. Maybe I can get both men and women's point of views from everyone. Thanks in advance for your help.<P>Gesso

I am probably the wrong one to comment on this, but as a male, I would be totally turned on by the offer. The possibilities seem endless, but if he does not want to do it, then it won't happen. This I have found out with my gf and her lack of desire. Maybe try sexy clothes, go away for the weekend, or do things like you did in the beginning. An eroctic dance can peak interest.....Good luck...I wish I had this situation to deal w/ from his standpoint....

Thanks for your reply. I know most men would jump at the chance to experience and try different things. I had some incredible sex with previous boyfriends before I met him. I just want the same with him. I've ordered some videos for us to watch. He says he has never watched any xxx videos. Maybe they will get him going. I think most of our problem is due to the fact that he hasn't had much experience and is fine with the way things are. I don't think that he believes there is anything wrong. I won't give up on him. Hope you can get things going with your gf. How does she react to you? You said she had a lack of desire. I did have a problem with that also. But now I am hitting my peak and have more desire than I ever have.<BR>

Gesso, <BR> Hon, Iknow you are about to go insane trying to figure out what you can do to make things different in the bedroom, Right? Take it out of the bed room!!!! (if you have children) One night after the kids have gone to bed, suprise him with, as helpforgf suggested, s sexy strip dance IN THE LIVINGROOM.<BR> If there are no children in the house, cook a late dinner and be cooking when he gets home from work, IN THE NUDE!!!<BR> Become agressive (men love that) When you go to bed, tell him what you are going to do and then DO IT!!! <BR> Send him some sexy and naughty pictures that are on the internet! Let him know, that is what you are missing! <BR> The possiblities are endless! But when you are talking about sex with your husband, be honest with him and don't be afraid of hurting his feelings because in the long run not being honest hurts more than anything else!! Good luck and Godspeed<BR> Angela

miss ann, thank you for your advice. I will try the dancing. We do have kids (3) in the house. Think I might be a little apprehensive to do it in the livingroom for fear of being walked in on. The bedroom will work though. I try the aggresive approach, maybe need to be a little more aggressive;-) <BR>But I am afraid of turning him off or him thinking I am whacko because of the things I want to try. Don't know that I can win.

Gesso, let me tell you, I totally relate! Which is odd because I have a very low libido, have a difficult time getting and staying aroused, poor sensation during sex, I often have pain due to inadequate arousal, and I've never had an orgasm, but I have wanted to try new things in hopes that I'll find some way to get adequately aroused, or that I'll get some positive sensations. <P>My H, I thought, was very experienced. He has had two previous sexual partners. But, surprise! They didn't teach him ANYTHING! He had only ever used about 4 possitions, and had never done anything really strange. I asked him one time quite a while ago (this was before we got married) what he'd like to see me wear, and I was so surprised during the next week when he wanted to know my size! We were in a LD relationship, so it was another 2 weeks before I saw him, and he blindfolded me and changed my clothes, and when he uncovered my eyes, I was dressed in a black vinyl miniskirt and black vinyl shirt! I would never wear anything like that, but hey, I told him "anything," right? He'd always wanted to do that. He apparently finds vinyl a major turn-on...he's always been drawn to tight, shiny fabric. Later on, he wanted to tie me up and tickle me. I think we only did that once. He really seemed to enjoy it, though. <P>But I was always afraid to make any suggestions. I was afraid of what he'd think. It took me over a year to bring up that I wanted to try a vibrator, but when I finally did, he was totally open about it! Unfortunately, the vibrators didn't do a thing for me, except make me feel numb in the genitals. We'd hoped they would help me get aroused. And more recently, I wanted to explore cervical stimulation, to see if I could possibly get some more sensation that way, so after agonizing months of not saying anything, I finally told him I wanted to try a different position: doggie style. It turned out he wasn't appauled, but actually enjoyed it! He had never used that possition before.<P>Now, I feel that I can bring things into our sex life pretty much whatever. He admits to being "terribly uncreative in the bedroom," so I know most of these ideas are up to me. Maybe you should take the initiative and make a suggestion, "I want to try this tonight," and then DO! Best of luck to you!

May I suggest one more thing to you ladies? Please don't think of me as a freak, but I am into change. ANYTHING DIFFERENT i am there! Try renting an adult (porno) movie and do to eachother what the people on the movie are doing! It is called "Play along" It can be alot of fun and that way you have the chance to do some of the things that maybe you ahve wanted to try but have not had the nerve to ask for!! I hope this works for you both.....Angela

Thank you for all of your advice. My H and I have really been talking since my post and I have come to the conclusion, along with his confession of he just doesn't know what to do. He's not had many partners. Guess that's good in a way! I get to show him the things I like and give him pleasure that he's never had. Anyway, we tried it with me on top, (his request, I'm gain for anything)which is not easy since I am 6 ft tall and not a small person. IT WAS FANTASTIC! I started out massaging him, and rubbing his back (also his request) but then added on kissing his back and rubbing his penis when I knew he was getting into it. OMG did he get into it! It was GREAT! He's never opened up to me and told me how he feels or what he likes. It felt so great because I finally did not have to be afraid of what he would think of me for suggesting things. Now I've told him what I would like next. I also had ordered some "how to" videos for us to watch from bettersex.com. They had a great deal on one video entitled great sex for $9.95 and you got a free video too. My choice "Advanced Positions". I figured it would be worth it for our sexual relationship or at least I could watch and get excited to help myself. <P>Thanks for the advice! Good Luck to all