His and Her Health

I have been reading and catching up on some old posts. I haven't had a chance to read much on the boards for awhile. I was just sitting here thinking to myself... Why do I even care if it's hard to have an orgasm? I have this terrific husband, who loves me so much. I am so blessed, and I realize that so many other women who have great sex lives have terrible things going on in other areas of their lives. Sometimes it just seems selfish to even care that I can't always enjoy sex. Physically, it may not be the greatest, but when I am with my husband, I feel so loved. Does anyone out there relate?

That is only a question that you can answer-re: why do you care about having an orgasm.<BR>I can give you my experience- I too have a great husband, wonderful marriage, and essentially a terrific life. it wasn't until I had my hyst did I feel that things were not so terrific- but that is in relationship to sexual function. I personally do not think it is selfish to want to have an orgasm. However, if it is not that important to you, then that should be OK for you. Everyone is very different re: what is important to them in life. I fought like crazy to get back some of the function I had prior to my hyst, but that doesn't mean that I believe that all women should do that. They should only be concerned about it if it causes them personal distress, otherwise in my opinion if it doesn't cause distress then a women should not be concerned. Hope this helps.

Hummer,<BR>There are times when I agree with you that it's just not important, but there are others when I feel very deprived. I too have a wonderful husband and a pretty good life in general, but I have never had an orgasm and I really feel that I'm missing out on the joys of sex. While I love the intimacy, I don't derive any physical pleasure from the act itself and there are times when I resent the fact that it comes so easy for a man. You can just look sidewards at a man, and he's practically there.<BR>I know that if I enjoyed sex, I'd be more willing to do it. So until then, it'll be more of a chore than anything. I don't need to experience the big O every time, but once in a while would be nice, and definately incentive to go for it again.<BR>

I often find myself not caring about orgasms and not even believing that women have them or that they enjoy them as much as rumored. I just want SOME sensation, you know? I don't care about some wonderful, earth-shattering feelings, just SOMETHING so I'm not so left-out. But if I were able to get properly aroused and have proper sensation, I can almost guarentee that I would then be in pursuit of orgasm. If THIS feels good, imagine how good it would feel if all this tension got released? I know, because whenever it feels good (which is exceedingly rare), I want MORE.

I understand completely. For the longest time I was completely unable to achieve orgasm, I had no idea what it was even supposed to be LIKE outside of what they hint at in movies. For me, it was definitely worth finding out. I bought a book, I believe the title of which was For Yourself, which explained a lot about the mechanics of things and how to gradually train yourself to be orgasmic. It dealth with basically learning to be orgasmic first alone, then gave suggestions on how to gradually move it into a relationship. It took some work, and overcoming a LOT of personal hangups, but I eventually got there, and I haven't regretted it. But I think I had to be willing to open myself to a lot of things I had been taught by my parents were wrong to think or feel. And I think only you can be the judge of how much it is worth to you. I had to cope with my inacceptance of masturbation, my fear of the feeling of being out of control, and the stereotype my parents put in my head about all of my sexuality being inherently 'DIRTY'. I wish you well and if my personal experiences can possibly help at all, please feel free to ask.

Women, women, women. We are all beautiful. We are all important. We are all valuable. We are all worthy of an orgasm. <P> It not only is mentally and emotionally necessary, but physiologically a must.<P>Orgasms release your body's natural dopamines and serotonin, which are important for a sense of well being. Orgasms provide a release of tension as well.<P>I believe in order to be balanced, one must be physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually, and sexually balanced. For instance, think of a cog in a wheel. The spokes are the physical, emotional, social, and spiritual components, while the cog is the sexual, thus linking and holding all the others together.<P>Thus, self stimulation is an order. Try it guilt-free.<P>"An orgasm for every woman, every time"

Science Sister: I see what you're saying, but what about women who have orgasms but don't feel them? What about women (like me) who can't get aroused enough to even approach having an orgasm? What about women (again, like me) who have so little sexual desire that they literally have to schedule masturbation, and then get bored with it so quickly they stop in a minute or two? <P>I don't care much about orgasms, for now. With what I've been reading lately, I think I'm right to not care much. If it's not going to happen right now, why try? Better to try to get SOME enjoyment than zero. Better to enjoy what you have, if it's at all enjoyable, than to be goal-oriented and sad about what you DON'T have. That's my thought, anyway.

It's getting to me really bad again. I want it back.<P>God help me. God gave me a sign tonight that HE is here and hears my prayer.<P>I feel better but I want it back<P>l

Hello, this is my first post and I have to say it's been so difficult going through the registration process. If this one doesn't work, I give up. I agree with Sciencesister. I'm a therapist and often did sex therapy with couples or women, but applying it to myself is impossible. I feel so damaged from my childhood, my long marriage that my sexual self has died. I know that sounds harsh to even myself, but where does it go. My genitals have shriveled up and retreated and are no longer in working condition. It has a profound effect on my sense of a sexual self or sensual self. My husband was a horrible lover and rejected me so often that I turned off. Now after being divorced for three years I cannot seem to turn it back on. Don't know how. I think something is wrong with me. For someone that was orgasmic all the time, its very sad and scary. My life is half over, why bother. This is very difficult for me to write about as I have never discussed it with anyone. One night last week the show said something that threw water on my face and now I want to know what is going on. Keep talking Sciencesister, PLEASE

Pinkrose, are your genitals LITERALLY shriveled up, or metaphorically? Because if they literally are, that sounds to me like vaginal atrophy. You might have low estrogen. Unfortunately, I don't know enough about you to suggest anything else, but it sounds like your lack of desire may be more of an adaptation than a hormone problem, though it could very well be a hormone issue compounded by the emotional issues you went through for so long.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Pinkrose27:<BR><B>My husband was a horrible lover and rejected me so often that I turned off. Now after being divorced for three years I cannot seem to turn it back on. </B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This isn't very scientific, but the same thing happened to me. I stopped it before it got too drastic by using fantasy. That might help you too--a totally safe way to be sexual, where you are in complete control. Imagine a movie star and make up stories about his movies. It sounds silly and adolescent, and I suppose it is, but it worked for me.<P>

Only problem is, you've got to be able to have fantasies if you're going to fantasize. I know I can't. Your advise is good for people with orgasmic difficulties alone, and maybe some with other additional problems...but when you're facing low desire, no fantasies, poor arousal, lack of sensation during sex and foreplay, and lack of orgasms...lack of orgasms just ends up at the end of the list.

No, that's how it was for me too. I was getting to the point where kissing left me stone cold, it was like my entire body was frozen and sex seemed pointless and kind of yucky. My fantasies started off simply by being romantic fantasies, no sex involved, just eye contact, love, romance novel kind of stuff.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by anon:<BR><B>Science Sister: I see what you're saying, but what about women who have orgasms but don't feel them? What about women (like me) who can't get aroused enough to even approach having an orgasm? What about women (again, like me) who have so little sexual desire that they literally have to schedule masturbation, and then get bored with it so quickly they stop in a minute or two? <P>I don't care much about orgasms, for now. With what I've been reading lately, I think I'm right to not care much. If it's not going to happen right now, why try? Better to try to get SOME enjoyment than zero. Better to enjoy what you have, if it's at all enjoyable, than to be goal-oriented and sad about what you DON'T have. That's my thought, anyway.</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>Allow me to challenge you, Anon.<P>If you had fallen and broken your arm, would you ignore the pain, and not get a cast? Would you just shrug it off and hope the pain would go away? Is not our sexual health, when in the throngs of dysfunction, worth placing a cast on so that we can function?<P>Are we as women not worthy of an orgasm?<P>Do you feel that sexual health is a part of a woman's overall health?<P>Do you feel supremely frustrated when trying to masterbate?<P>Have you had your sexual hormones tested?<P>Have you read Drs. Bermans' book "For Women Only?"<P>If you were a man, would we be having this conversation?<P>"An orgasm for every woman, every time?"

We women are worthy, we are beautiful.<P>Dont' give up. You will and can reclaim your wonderful world of orgasm.<P>I've had 5 children, and have seen my days of sexual dysfunction. But, guess what?! Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I had a pelvic floor (the vaginal kind) orgasm!!! <P>How did it happen? Just listen.<P>I saw the show The View, and read a book called,"The Art of the Female Orgasm", saw "The Vaginal Monologues", read Drs. Bermans' book "For Women Only", started fantasizing more, started making it a point to masterbate, and the most important thing......do the Kegel exercises (this has helped to wake up my vagina!)<P>So, as you can read, I started changing my attitude towards sex, educating myself about sex, and focusing energy to my own sexuality.<P>Keep my posted.<P>"An orgasm for every woman, every time"<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Pinkrose27:<BR><B>Hello, this is my first post and I have to say it's been so difficult going through the registration process. If this one doesn't work, I give up. I agree with Sciencesister. I'm a therapist and often did sex therapy with couples or women, but applying it to myself is impossible. I feel so damaged from my childhood, my long marriage that my sexual self has died. I know that sounds harsh to even myself, but where does it go. My genitals have shriveled up and retreated and are no longer in working condition. It has a profound effect on my sense of a sexual self or sensual self. My husband was a horrible lover and rejected me so often that I turned off. Now after being divorced for three years I cannot seem to turn it back on. Don't know how. I think something is wrong with me. For someone that was orgasmic all the time, its very sad and scary. My life is half over, why bother. This is very difficult for me to write about as I have never discussed it with anyone. One night last week the show said something that threw water on my face and now I want to know what is going on. Keep talking Sciencesister, PLEASE </B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>