His and Her Health

I think I may be suffering from FSD. My boyfriend & I have been together for almost 2 years, but over the past year we haven't been as sexually active as he would like for us to be and it's become a big problem in our relationship. I have tried to reasure him that I'm VERY attractive to him and the thought of something being wrong with me he's not buying. He thinks that what ever is wrong with me is "all in my head" or "since he's 'not getting it from me..' I must be getting it elsewhere" what can I do to convince him that I might have FSD with out him thinking that I'm trying to pull the wool over his eyes or that I'm just using this as an excuse not to have sex

Maybe he doesn't know that it's actually a medical condition. And even if it were all in your head, it's still a legitimate problem. If you'd been raped or something, he'd understand that you needed counciling, right? Well, maybe you've been traumatized somehow. But I will go ahead and ask you the questions.<P>What are you using for birth control? Birth control pills, Depo Provera, Norplant, and IUD's that dispense hormones can all cause FSD. In fact, the most common cause of FSD is taking BCPS and having side-effects.<P>Another common cause is medication. Are you on ANY medications? Anti-depressants can cause FSD, but so can many, many other medications. There is a partial list I have a link to someplace, I'll look it up if I can find it.<P>What's changed since you've become uninterested in sex? Anything? <P>It could also be caused by a hormone imbalance with no obvious cause. <P>Also, some medical conditions, such as diabetes and neurological conditions, can cause FSD.<P>There are several different types of FSD. What is the problem? Has sex become painful? Boring? Does it feel good but somehow you just aren't interested? Has it ceased to feel good? Do you not get aroused anymore, or is if more difficult to get aroused? Have you stopped having orgasms, or have you never had them? <P>I guess I've addressed the most common problems. Answer those, and then go from there. Through process of elimination, I've managed to figure out what's wrong with me, and I have a list of potential causes. Even if the problem isn't easy to solve, just knowing what's wrong, or what might be wrong, and being able to talk with your boyfriend about it will probably help the situation. Hope this helps you!

The "it's all in your head" attitude is one that has really stifled women's sexual issues for years. Your partner is probably simply, as mentioned by the above poster, not aware that there are physsical causes for female dysfunction just as there is male dysfunction. The common misconception is that because women are physically *able* to have sex due to biology, it must be psychological. "If the vagina is there, then sex is possible, so there is no physical problem"is a common attitude. Men don't have this problem, because their physical makeup means that there CAN'T be sex if they have a dysfunction. Many forms of FSD are tantamount to impotence, but without the outward physical manifestations (since we lack a penis). The vagina, however, is not simply the passive receptical many people still view it as. FSD does often manifest in other ways, however, such as lack of lubrication, etc. This is often caused by either hormone imbalances or lack of proper blood flow, much the same as erection difficulties in men.<P>The partial key here, possibly, is to educate both your partner and yourself. If he loves you, and is willing to communicate with you, I suggest you both read the Berman's book. It is wonderful even for those that don't have FSD, actually, and will probably enlighten him (and possibly you--I know it did me)to new discoveries about female anatomy and dysfunctions.<P>Open communication is essential, as is patience and understanding. If he were experiencing sexual issues like impotence or erectile dysfunction, you'd be expected to understand and support him. It works both ways. Do the research together--that often helps. <P>As a partner who's man had sexual issues, I can understand your boyfriend's feelings. It can often be frustrating and hurtful when your mate isn't sexualy interested. It's hard not to take personally, even when it isn't. Understanding, and helping find a solution through educating ourselves, helped a great deal. It also lead us to solutions.<P>Even if it is a psychological problem, however, that doesn't make it less of an issue. The questions anon brings up above are very important ones to answer before you move forward. They will tell you which direction to take: medical or psychological. Often, the two aren't mutually exclusive. Figuring out what to do first is important, though, and questions about your daily life, stress, medications, lubrication, pain and trauma all need to be addressed on some level. If no trauma has taken place, you've had satisfactory sex and a good sex drive in the past, and you and your partner have a good, understanding, and solid relationship the the cause may indeed be physical.<P>Medications, stress and fatigue are the three biggest libido killers. Medications can include BCP's and antidepressants, but can even include over-the-counter and perscription antihisthamines, cold remedies, and other common medications. Even some herbal remedies have sexual side effects. Unfortunately, most of these aren't told to patients when doctor's perscribe meds. <P><BR>I would suggest first talking with your partner outside the bedroom, in a comfortable setting. Let him know that this is a priority for you, that you want to address this and would like his help. If this goes well, I would then move on to doing some exploring with him: try and pinpoint when the change began to take place (if there was one). Did anything happen during that period--a change in medication, a stressful incident, a difference in the way sex felt, etc.? When did he notice a difference? When did you? Is sex still pleasurable, and are you producing enough lubricant? Does sex sometimes feel better than others? How is your general health, and are you getting appropriate amounts of water and sleep? Answering these types of questions honestly is very, very important. Often, talking with your parnter is a good way to get answers because he may have noticed things you haven't. It is also a good way to make him feel included, and to express your feelings in a non-threatening forum by letting him know you still find him attractive and are interested in figuring out what is wrong.<P>I'd be interested to hear the answers to these questions, as well, since most of the posters here have done remarkable amounts of research. We may be able to point you in a fruitful direction and save a lot of headaches in research and doctors.<P>Hope this helps! We are here for you, so talk away.<BR>

[ested. It's hard not to take personally, even when it isn't. Understanding, and helping find a solution through educating ourselves, helped a great deal. It also lead us to solutions.<P>Even if it is a psychological problem, however, that doesn't make it less of an issue. The questions anon brings up above are very important ones to answer before you move forward. They will tell you which direction to take: medical or psychological. Often, the two aren't mutually exclusive. Figuring out what to do first is important, though, and questions about your daily life, stress, medications, lubrication, pain and trauma all need to be addressed on some level. If no trauma has taken place, you've had satisfactory sex and a good sex drive in the past, and you and your partner have a good, understanding, and solid relationship the the cause may indeed be physical.<P>Medications, stress and fatigue are the three biggest libido killers. Medications can include BCP's and antidepressants, but can even include over-the-counter and perscription antihisthamines, cold remedies, and other common medications. Even some herbal remedies have sexual side effects. Unfortunately, most of these aren't told to patients when doctor's perscribe meds. <P><BR>I would suggest first talking with your partner outside the bedroom, in a comfortable setting. Let him know that this is a priority for you, that you want to address this and would like his help. If this goes well, I would then move on to doing some exploring with him: try and pinpoint when the change began to take place (if there was one). Did anything happen during that period--a change in medication, a stressful incident, a difference in the way sex felt, etc.? When did he notice a difference? When did you? Is sex still pleasurable, and are you producing enough lubricant? Does sex sometimes feel better than others? How is your general health, and are you getting appropriate amounts of water and sleep? Answering these types of questions honestly is very, very important. Often, talking with your parnter is a good way to get answers because he may have noticed things you haven't. It is also a good way to make him feel included, and to express your feelings in a non-threatening forum by letting him know you still find him attractive and are interested in figuring out what is wrong.<P>I'd be interested to hear the answers to these questions, as well, since most of the posters here have done remarkable amounts of research. We may be able to point you in a fruitful direction and save a lot of headaches in research and doctors.<P>Hope this helps! We are here for you, so talk away.[/B][/QUOTE]<BR>Leah: You've gotten some excellent replies, May I suggest another approach, which may help if your boy friend likes to "do" things, could he/would he like to make a "project" of your FSD, Hecould educate himself via the internet, and possibly go over a list of possible therapies with you and your doctor?<P>

From a male's point...It is very important that you let him know what is going on and most important you show and tell him that you want to get things back the way they were before. Don't put off going to a doctor. Show him you care about him and try to make things better.<P>Living this for 2+ years now, I can say that it has been very hard not to take it personal. What would have helped me is seeing that something was being done to make it better than just ignoring the problem and saying "I am doing what I can to make it better" but never being able to show anything and ignoring the problem with the hopes it would just come back.<P>Understand that as a guy, it is very difficult not to be able to have sex with someone you love. Rejection is hard to deal with. The mind starts to wander and you begin to think some stupid things. But if you communicate and show him how much you love him while working on any issues, things should stay together and get better....<P>GOOD LUCK<P>

Leah hasn't been here since Nov of 2001. So it may help some people but probably not Leah.