His and Her Health

I tried it and I guess had small muffled orgasms. There was tension but the release was not very big and was over before I knew it. I guess this is similar to the "skipped over orgasms" some of you were experiencing. I guess this is a small improvement but I didn't have any feelings of satisfaction or afterglow afterwards. I'm trying to think what is the casue of this.<P>I am on bc pills but I've only heard of them hurting sex drive but can they hurt response too?<P>I'm thinking my problem is that it could be a mental block. Any time I've tried using the vibrator it wasn't with a strong fantasy in mind, it was basically "ok let's see how this works" and I just put it in my genital region. Oddly enough anytime I'm starting to feel turned on from a fantasy (I usually feel a sudden warmth in my genitals, stronger bloodflow I'm guessing)I'm not near my vibrator!. A good friend whom I just happen to envy her orgasmic expereinces, said that in her expereince physical stimulation will only take you so far then your mind has to take over....maybe that's my problem.<P>I'm fairly positive there isn't nerve damage in that area because I've never had a hysterectomy or any surgical procedure in my genital region. The only thing I can think of is a few years ago I had the hair in my bikini area removed with a laser. Have any of heard of this causing nerve damage?<P><BR>Thanks for your help guys <BR>

Serena, <P>In my opinion, I think it is very good news that you are able to get aroused without the use of the vibrator!<P>I have only recently discovered that the woman's biggest and most important sexual organ is her brain. I often have a difficult time getting "in the mood" while cuddling up with my husband, but then I'll read a good romance novel or erotic story and my body responds to that like a charm! It is amazing.<P>Along with the other problems I'm experiencing (my own little saga is in another thread here) I have sometimes had a very hard time with arousal. So a few weeks ago a friend encouraged me to go to the bookstore and find some nice, trashy erotica. (She said "We need to make you a horny woman!") The goal here was to kind of "condition" my brain and body to go where it needs to go when I'm WITH my husband. <P>I have found some great books, and this "therapy" is working for me. It couldn't hurt for you to try it and just see where it leads.<P>I don't know your history and am not suggesting this kind of thing will "fix" you, it just may be one of the many things that will help your situation. <P>If you like I can make some recommendations for good books. <P>Take care!

Thanks for your reply New Bride, I'm defintely not going to give up even though sometimes that feels like the easiest thing to do. I think I will try reading some erotic literature, I've noticed that even though I don't have a great amount of sexual arousal the most aroused I've gotten has come from verbal feedback...sexy lust talk so maybe this where I need to start.<P>I can somewhat relate to your problem, intercourse is not comfortable for me but it doesn't seem as painful as it is for you (although I can't really take deep penetration). The boyfriend I have right now is the only lover I've ever had so I can't compare it to another experience. We are also in a long distance relationship so maybe my discomfort is from not enough intercourse. We had intercourse before he left town and that week we were having it on a regular basis and although it didn't feel great I noticed each time was a little more comfortable than the experience before, although I never thought about my hymen still being intact I'll have to look into that.<P>It's great to have a forum like this were we can learn from other women and their experiences

<BR>I to have had a muffled orgasm though clitoral stimulation. I feel a warm tingly feeling starting from my toes but only reaching to above my knees, nice though not satisfying rather frustrating actually.<P>I have never acheived orgasm though sex or penetration, and now at 29 i am rather frustrated as im in a new realtionship.<P>I am going to a phyco sexual clinic in the uk to see if they can help. I have an app in Jan so i hope that that ive addressed this problem with my doctor after so long they can<BR>maybee help.<P>Its so frustrating i wish i knew what was wrong with me and now to top it all off im dry during sex and thats causing problems.<P>Things aint looking good.

If you are dry during sex, and you are sure you're adequately "turned on," your problem might well be hormonal. Vaginal dryness is a sign of low estrogen. I'd go get this checked before I went to a psych clinic. DON'T let them tell you "just use lubricant," either. Make them test the estrogen levels. For some reason, doctors really are resistant to this.<P>I would say do this before going to a psych clinic for a few reasons: 1) a good psych is going to tell you to do it anyway, and 2) I have been through therapy. I don't recommmend it unless it is an utter, total, complete last resort. You can read more of my story on other posts.<P>Good luck!

Please don't laugh at this question, but are some vibrators better than others? Or is this something that is so individualized depending on the women it is a trial an error thing. How many different kinds do you have to try before finding the right one. I quess what I am concerned about is ending up with a drawerful of them and saying none of them worked until the ninth one that was purchased. I certainly couldn't sell the first eight at a garage sale or tag sale( just a joke). Any first hand info on how many had to be purchased before finding the right one would be great. Thanks as always. Hope everyone is doing well.

Vibrators are pretty individual things, really. Every woman's "hot spot" is different. If you stop and give it a bit of thought, and do a bit of research online, you can probably find what you are looking for within the first few tries. <P>There are some general guidelines that can help make the choice a bit easier:<P>First, determine what you are going for. Do you want your clitoris stimulated, your inner vaginal walls, your anus or your g-spot? There are specific vibrators for each of these things. A general, all purpose, ahrd, plastic vibrator isn't the best for clitoral stimulation--a clitoral stimulator, such as the Countour, would be much better because it provides more direct and concentrated stimulation. A g-spot vibrator adjusts, or is curved, to reach different spots along the vaginal wall. An anal stimulator is usually tapered and smaller than a vaginal one, to make it more comfortable. So, deciding what you are trying to stimulate is important.<P>Second what type of texture would you feel most comfortable with? Many women find that a more realistic type of material is more pleasing to them, as opposed to the hard plastics, especially if it is for vaginal penetration. There are several types of "skins" on the market which are very realistic, and work well for vaginal penetration. They don't work as well for anal penetration because they cause more friction. They are also not as useful for clitoral stimulation because they can muffle the vibrations. <P>Third, how weird do you want to get? There are all kinds of vibrators out there, some with vibrating beads that rotate on a spinning head or something. I suggest, if this is your first one, you stay simple. For clitoral vibrators, I recommend the Countour line, but that is my personal preference. Pocket Rockets are also popular for this, because they are small, but they don't provide as much vibration as some others.<P><p>[Note: This message has been edited by NEWSHE Moderator]

Thanks for the info.

I bought the Pocket Rocket some of the reasons I chose that one was because it was reasonably priced ($25), it was small about the length of the palm of someone's hand so if you wanted to use it with a partner it wouldn't be hard to incorporate it into the sex act. I was interested in getting the Rabbitt because everywhere I've read said this was the best one but it is one of the more expensive ones anywhere from $60-$120, depending on the quality of it. Women say they love this one because it stimulates the clitoris while having a penis shaped dildo that can't rotate and vibrate the woman vaginally.<P>A friend of mine says she has one that is the shape of a lipstick (no joke). She bought because she could easily put it in her make-up bag and no would know. It cost her about $20 and she said it doesn't give her intense orgasms but ones that are satisfying, but it does bring the orgasm quicker than when she would manually stimulate herself.

Thanks for the info. Now I have another question. Is there really that much of a difference between a vibrator and the EROS? I understand that a vibrator can bring on an orgasm, but does the EROS do that too or does it only increase blood flow?

I know the Eros is given to women who can't orgasm from any type of stimulation even from a vibrator but I'm not sure if it actually brings on an orgasm.

I know I am really behind times but I a just joining the board and have to respond to one of the postings. I read a book a few months ago that kept me so turned on that I could almost not get enough. The book is "MENAGE" By Emma Holly.<BR> The blurb on the back reads,<BR>"Sean was offering me an chance to live out my fantasy. Except he and Joe weren't fantasies: they were real people with real feelings and they lived in my apartment. Iknew it was wrong, but desire was to triumph over reason. This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity I couldn't resist" <BR>"Bookstore owner Kate comes home from work one day to find her two flatmates in bed together. Joe-a sensitive composer-is mortified. Sean-and irrepressible bad boy- asks her to join in. As they embark on a polysexual menage a trois, Kate wants nothing more than to keep both her admirers happy. However, things become complicated. Kate hs told everyone that Sean is gay, but now he and Kate are acting like lovers."<BR>"Other men are chasing Kate,too, but none of them have the right credentials. She's hooked on a new likd of lovingand the exciting games she's playing with her flatmates. Can the three lovers live happily everafter- together?"<BR> I may be strange but this book just got me going and kept me there for the entire time i was reading it. There is some content that some people may find offensive, but in my opinion, it just adds to the erotic nature of the book. It also allows you to have the fantasies that many find taboo and it not be so bad!!!!

What a difference a good book makes. I was recalling that I usually do have a pretty good fantasy going on everytime I orgasm. My husband says he is in the moment most of the time, and he understands I need that extra... ooomph.<BR>Vibrators- I have 5 now. My absolute old reliable is dying, but I cant part with it yet. My second favorite is the pink pearl. They are all different, the intensity and the pulse varies. One good thing is some websites rate the intensity and the noise level of the vibrator ( good vibes does) if its noisy and you have kids it could inhibit you if its noisy. There is also one that has a licking motion, I have never tried that one but it sounds good. If you get a vibrator thats too strong, you can use it through a dry washcloth. I need a nice flat one to fit between my self and my husband- if you see any like that let me know.

For anyone out there who fantasizes during foreplay or sex, maybe you can help me. I have a mental block when I'm with someone...it's not that I don't get turned on, because I do, and my body responds...to a degree. It's just that when I'm by myself, my brain gets into the "zone" much more intensely, and I usually need some sort of stimuli such as reading erotica or watching videos, or listening to erotic stories on cd....but when I'm with my boyfriend, I don't have that focused distraction to get my brain completely into it, and so I end up feeling anxious or pressured or just my own self-consciousness or internal thoughts of "will I have an orgasm?" which is pretty silly now that I'm thinking about it, because there have only been 3 times that I DID have an orgasm with a partner (they were from oral sex) so I don't know why I even entertain the question, when the answer is pretty much predictable (as long as I'm focused on it, that is!). I suppose trying to have an orgasm is like trying to fall asleep...it doesn't work, you just have to forget about the trying and relax. If I could only get my brain to be in the "zone" WHILE I'm with my boyfriend, I think my body would follow. Any thoughts? Also, for those of you who fantasize, how do you get into your fantasy when you are also feeling connected to your partner? I think I might find that distracting

I also have that same distraction problem, and dont know how to work it out with a partner- (what are you supposed to do, say oh that thing you just did there, big turnoff for me??) I do orgasm everytime, but sometimes I get too tense and have to breathe deep, or if I start worring Its not going to happen this time,I have to reassure myself.