His and Her Health

Does anyone get upset with their boyfriend or significant other when he doesn't understand that this is a real problem and not that you just don't want to? I have explained numerous times that this is my problem and it is a problem but he doesn't understand. I love my man very much and will do anything for him which is why I have sex when I do, but it's not enough. It angers me that he understands to a certain extent but then he doesn't. You see I am 27 and could absolutely care less whether I have sex again or not. I get nothing from it and I get so mad that I feel like we are being cheated of a good thing. This is really breaking our relationship apart. I love him so much and that is why I give in when I do. But then he's there and he's on top of me enjoying himself and I'm laying there getting mad because I'm stuck. Then I start to mock him in my head, you know ooh, ah, ooh, ah. Then he tries so hard to stimulate me and it just makes me mad because it hurts me and he doesn't understand. I have told him that I just don't orgasm. Then he tells me that you just need to let loose, let go, just let go. I CAN'T!!! If he thinks that it frustrates him, he has no idea. I wish I could take a man give him a hard on and then never let him orgasm. I guarentee there would be a pill out in 5 minutes. But women, oh no, we just need to let go. Does this make anyone else mad or is it just me? Does this happen to anyone else? Please tell me that I'm not the only sexually frustrated female out there that is mad and aggrevated about the whole situation. If this has happened to you, how do you tell your mate in a way that he understands? I need any advice that I can get.<P>------------------<BR>Kristina Hornaday

You have nailed it completely!<P>My husband thinks it is all his inadequacy in technique and will not listen to me about this. He thinks it is another excuse. It is the same thing, 'You need to learn how to orgasm, get a vibrator, I never turn you on, you never get wet, it always hurts whether its my penis or finger, blah, blah, blah' <P>Therefore we haven't had sex in two years and have some serious relationship problems from all this.

Well I went to my doctor today and spoke with him about testostrone and the such. He basically said that he's been dealing with this for years, with men and women and that it is basically psychological. He also stated that there really is no such thing as a g-spot. He states that the male and the female genital areas are the same as far as engorgement and that they work the same way with the exception that women's are smaller. He also stated that the reason why doctors get ultrasounds messed up (diagnosing the wrong sex) is that our genitals start out the same but the man's continues to grow. When doctors think that they see a penis on a fetus, sometimes it is really the clitoris. And we all start out the same. Does this just make you mad or what? It does me....HELP!!!!!!

It is not just you, and i think that doctor is full of it! Yes, you do have a G-spot, you just need to find it. Second, you are not the only one who feels mad and frustrated. I love my hubby to death but there are times when he wants it, I don't want it (gee..like that's a surprise, huh?)but i love him so I give it to him. I feel like it's just another thing I have to do for someone else, but I do love him so I do it. My husband tries to understand, wants to make me cum, but there are times I just don't want to try, I am on Paxil (same thing when it was Prozac) and I will get to the point where I am almost going to climax and then POOF! The feeling goes away! It makes me so angry i don't want to try. <BR>Can you have an orgasm by masturbating? If so maybe you can do that while he's on top or behind...this way you can enjoy yourself too!

To fmsmomx2: Paxil and Prozac are notorious for suppressing arousal and orgasm. A nonprescription massage oil has been shown in a well controlled study to eliminate the negative sexual side effects of the SSRI class of antidepressants. The product's name is Zestra. You should be able to find a link to it on the Newshe main page.

Oh, I hear ya! I've gotten to the point where I don't even want to try anymore. I've never had an orgasm and am doubtful that it's ever going to happen. My husband thinks he's to blame, that he's not "doing it right," but it's not him, it's me, and I can't tell you how frustrating that is! He's tried to curb his sexual appetite, which I don't think is fair, and I've tried to just "give in" more often, which isn't fun for me. But I'm like you, I just lay there and wait until it's over. I actually resent the fact that men get off on sex. I've already explored the hormone supplement theory, and my doctor told me that it doesn't do any good in women my age, so we wouldn't try it.<BR>We've been married a little over a year, and our relationship is really suffering. We've even been dropping the dreaded D word lately. I can be content in a relationship without sex because I enjoy the other aspects of it such as companionship and love, but my husband could not live without sex. And I don't feel he should have to, so we're both just really unhappy and trying to find a solution. I think we've reached the therapy point since our problems really stem from my phsycological outlook on sex and not something physical. At least, that's what I've been told.

SPARKLYEYES<BR>Find another doctor. There is no way you will convince him he is incorrect even if you take in a stack of medical abstracts and medical journal articles on FSD. He sounds like the guy who did my hyst- This guy said any problems post hyst with orgasms are psychological----WRONG Dr. <BR>Women have so little testosterone it does not make a difference-----WRONG AGAIN Dr. (NOTHING LIKE HAVING OVARIES REMOVED B/C HE SAID I WAS POST-MENOPAUSAL, BUT LATER FOUND OUT I WAS NOT- OVARIES PRODUCE TESTOSTERONE TOO)<BR>Men usually want to have sex more often than women-WRONG Dr.(What planet did this guy fall off of)<BR>Testosterone cream, that is placebo effect, on Oprah- WRONG again<P> All I can say is, get a new dr, b/c this one will frustrate you and drive you bananas!!!!

Just wanted to let you all know the updates. I went to a doctor who is a kind of sort of friend of mine, (I babysit his children) and things have sort of let up a bit. He has put me on Wellbutrin to counteract the sexual side effects from the Effexor XR that I am taking and has ordered tests from the hospital including blood sugar and thyroid and testostrone. He also wants to do a pap on me but, I am a little hesitant about that. You know I watch this man's kid's, I don't want him peeping into my privates, I think it just would be too uncomfortable. He said though that as soon as he finds out about the blood work then we will move from there. He seems very willing to help me. He's not negative at all. He did have one question though that I am susposed to find the answer out for...If anyone could help? We spoke about the EROS-CT D-, I know that this is availiable by prescription only, but he doesn't know how to acquire one for me. Does anyone know? <p>[Note: This message has been edited by NEWSHE Moderator]

Concerning the EROS-go to the Urometrics web site. ] They are a medical equipment co. and they sell/ or make the EROS. The EROS has helped me with my orgasm problem significantly. They have info for you to read on the site ( which you should do to make sure this is what you need) and for your dr. re. ordering it. A prescription is needed. Some ins. co pay for it and some do not. Mine did not. They will send you a free video tape about the EROS. So hope the above helps. Good luck.<BR><p>[Note: This message has been edited by NEWSHE Moderator]

Gosh -the moderator deleted the website address for urometrics. Sorry did not know that we were not to post web site addresses of natiional medical device co.

Stop the train!<P>All questions can be answered in the book by Drs. Laura and Jennifer Berman. It is called "For Women Only: A Revolutionary Guide to Reclaiming your Sex Life". ISBN 0-8050-6926-7<P>You mean you haven't read it already?!!<P>Pass it on.

That book doesn't do any good if you've already been looking into these issues forever. I don't understand why the moderator deleted Urometrics info. The Bermans advertize the Eros--it's one of their banner ads for heaven's sake! Or at least it used to be. It used to be their ONLY banner ad. <P>Sparkleeyes, would you mind telling me who your doctor is and what specialty? I would love to find a descent doctor in Terre Haute. I didn't know they existed.

Alexander-Thank you for the information. I will check into the Zestra!

Sparklyeyes,<P>You should know that Wellbutrin may not "counteract" the effects of your Effexor. It's been proven, as a single medication, to inhibit sexual desire and orgasm less than it's SSRI counterparts in depressed people (and only in depressed people)some of the time. It's been proven to increase libido in a small percentage of depressed people when used as a single medication. Many doctors overstate it's effectiveness, and it can also depress your libido just like any other anti-depressant. I don't mean to rain on your parade, but you may ask your doctor to consider switching you to only Wellbutrin, if that's an option? It hasn't (at least, not that I've found, but would be happy to hear of other research I missed) been shown to increase libido in a significant percentage of patients when mixed with seriously libido-repressing medications. If there is a study on this I missed, please post!!! I am always up for new research )

I need to admit I didn't read every posting here this time, but want to add my 2 cents worth anyways.... I was married to my first husband for 11 years and during the time b/f my hyster. I was in pain during intercourse, I mean real pulvic pain, so I started to asso. sex with pain , he could not understand why I had NO desire.... DUH what normal person desires pain? I tried over and over to explain if something hurts and all you thought of was how bad it was going to hurt why would you want it.... he had no clue, I'm still suffering from FSD but I think it's now hormone based and on other levels emotional.... but My husband (of 4 years)is very understanding and doesn't believe in "having SEX" to have sex it needs to be making love and it needs to be for both of us or he will do without, even stop in the middle of if he thinks he is hurting me even a little, I guess in that regaurd I'm one lucky lady. NO I know I'm one hell of a lucky Lady he is wonderful!