His and Her Health

My husband often complains of not enough sex. Nothing new there. His ideal in his dream world would be twice a day. We hardly have sex as it is. He bugs me about it occassionally. Oh thanks honey for the guilt, your so sweet. He really knows how to turn me off. Oh the way he grabs at me or tickles me constantly oh baby. <P>How do I tell him to STOP GRABBING AT ME like that. If he just knew how to seduce me he would probably be getting it twice a day but since his idea of seduction is grabbing..as soon as he does that it's like the off switch. Maybe if he told me that I'm pretty or beautiful or something. It's a wonder I'm a cold fish he says...He has his emotional wall up 24/7. Yeah thoes open lines of communication are heaven. <P>About the shyness in bed, problem. It really could be anywhere and I may get a sexual thought but I won't act on it. Instead I wait till he goes to work and take care of myself. Many occassions of having intercourse with him I haven't had an orgasm which has left me EXTREMELY frustrated to the point of tears. We used to just wham bam thank you mam and he'd go to sleep. I don't feel comfortable with him touching me down there with his fingers of mouth cuz being brought up in this twisted society I was tought that it's dirty and stinky, ugly etc. 99% of the time there is no odor and it is self cleaning so I'm confused. Do guys think women's hoo ha's are stinky and dirty and ugly? What do they think of them? <P>Another thing, my hubby is a bit over weight if you know what I mean. I am not, does that have anything to do with maybe not wanting to do it? He doesn't work out or anything. I can only drool at the thin muscular guys when I see them jogging or something. Yowsa! See, that's the horny on switch..oh that's bad now I'm in trouble.<P>I need some input from other guys please. I bet if he just did a little emotional work up on me I'd be raring to go. But since I'm a cold fish I should do something??! frustrating

20something, I think maybe you need to take some time and decide what you want out of life...is it your husband you want or some beef cake of a man that could have any woman in the world and prbibly would.<BR> Men (that I have talked to) donot find a womans Yo-hah stinky and nasty. But I guess it depends on the man. <BR> My hubby is over weight and I love him extreemly and find him more and more sexy everyday!!! But beauty is in the eye of the beholder! Is a beautiful physical appairence more important than the fact that he is a good father and provider(i assume he is) <BR> Women have been known to do what men do, which is what you are saying....You want a younger, sexier, more built, hunk of a man. But do you really want that or do you just think you do? I am rambling here but I think you would be making a mistake if you gave up on you marriage based on the fact that he is over weight.<BR> About the suduction Is there are movie that you have seen that shows the way you want to be swept off of your feet? Do you know what to tell him to do? Constructive criticism is the key. Don't just tell him what he is doing wrong, tell him how to fix it!!! I hope this helps!<BR> Angela

missann, thanks for you input. I decided to call a certified sex therapist via <A HREF="www.aasect.org." TARGET=_blank>www.aasect.org.</A> I will go on July 24th to meet with him. I wouldn't want to be with any other man besides my husband. I guess I just have my own hang ups that I need to deal with and work through. =/

From a male's point, I do not find the hoo- has as being offensive. It is actually quite a turn on If it is clean and taken care of, it is not a bad thing. <P>If I were him, I would want you to share your fantasies and desires with me. Tell him how he can seduce you. He sounds like he can be easily offended by this or take is very personnaly, so be careful. Use your judgement and what you know about him to share this with him. <P>As far as taking care of yourself when he is gone, why not try to take care of it while he is there. If he is wanting sex from you and finds out you are doing yourself instead of him, it very well could become an issue. <P>It sounds like to me you want to more have sex. He is asking for more sex. Desire + desire = a really good time. Talk to each other. Be understanding of each others needs. You might be surprised of the outcome....

Good for you 20something for making the appointment. Is your husband going too?<P>My fiance used to have his groper moments too (no sweet hug from behind with kiss to the neck and a boob or butt squeeze, just straight for the boobs). He also used to think (and sometimes still does) that if I was not in the mood, all he had to do was reach down and push the "magic button" (a.k.a. my also not-in-the-mood clitoris) and I would suddenly be turn on and ready to go (that's right, no kissing, no cuddling, just straight to the "magic button). <P>In the beginning I would get annoyed and turned off but not say anything. I didn't want to hurt his feelings - or I thought - what's wrong with me, why don't I like it. Am I just a cold fish? Well, forget that - those kinds of thoughts will get you no where. <P>One Sunday morning we were sitting on the couch, and I repeatedly had to stop him from trying to touch and grope me. While I felt like saying "HEY FREAK!! QUIT TOUCHING ME! YOU'RE GROSSING ME OUT AND ANNOYING THE CRAP OUT OF ME!" However, I knew saying that would really hurt his feelings and wouldn't do much to open the lines of communication. <P>So, I put the t.v. on mute, and turned to him and said "Honey, stop groping me. I'm not in the mood and I think I've made it quite clear that I'm not in the mood. And you CHOOSING to ignore that really upsets me. (at this point he stops leaning towards me, sits back up, and says "oh" - I continue speaking) It's disrespectful and inconsiderate - and it certainly doesn't make me feel like gettin' it on. "<P>He sat there for a few seconds thinking about what I had just said and then apologized. We then talked for a while and it turned out great. He had no idea I felt this way so, he didn't know not to do it. <P>Anyway, a similar situtation happened with the "magic button" thing. One night when he tried it, I just told him that I didn't like it when he did that - and that it was completely the wrong way to get me in the mood. So, then we talked about what would work and blah, blah, blah. <P>My point is, you need to tell him something. How can he change if he doesn't know there's a problem?<P>Also, by not communicating, and him groping, and you resenting it, and on and on, I think maybe you've put yourselves on two different teams. The longer you go without communicating, the further apart you'll become which will only make it harder to be intimate - and the cycle continues. <P>I may have made it sound simple and easy, but communication and intimacy are really hard for me,and it's something we still work on (especially when it comes to talking about what i want sexually). But I have learned that a) Men are not mind readers - we must tell them what we want and what we are thinking and b) it's better to tell him my needs and desires so I know I've done my part and the ball is in his court now. <P>One other thing... the day I asked him not to grope and on other occasions when I've talked to him about something regarding sex that might have made him feel rejected or insecure, I made sure to initiate sex that night or soon after. I want to initiate sex not only because I feel closer to him after a good talk, but it's a good way to reassure him that I am sexually attracted to him. I also think it's like positive reinforcement he can log in his brain: good, open communication = feeling better = her horny = good sex.<P>I can tell you he doesn't sigh or roll his eyes when I say "honey, can we talk..."<p>[This message has been edited by gdubois (edited 20 July 2002).]

I had an experience lately in which my H...well, he is developing a nice, healthy avoidance of sex to match my FSD. One of the reasons I am now taking action about it. I don't want to give him problems!<P>Anyway, because of this, I always have to initiate sex. I try to initiate often, and then I figure every few weeks it will actually happen. Anyway, I have been trying to use words. Consent is very important, so I will try to get him to tell me that he wants it, you know? But, this just doesn't work. So I tried not using words, and just actions (I had been doing combinations...things like, rubbing his chest and saying, "Would you like to take that shirt off?"). Anyway, just using actions, he responded better. These differences between males and females really ARE there. Of course I respond much better to words.