His and Her Health

If someone has a rape how does that affect there current sexual relationship?? During that rape, I was a virgin. The guy inserted on finger (FYI: guys usually have big fingers)all the way and then two and then he turned his hand all the way right and then all the way left. Then he opened his fingers as far as he could and turned like that. It was painful as hell. Upon examination the doctor found many tears and a lot of bruising. That would explain the bleeding. During that whole thing I kept telling him it hurts and was crying and he didn't care at any point during all of it to do anything to apease me. It was all about meeting his sick little needs. The guy did lots of other stuff that I didn't like but he didn't care. I was a teen at the time. <P>Now, I don't like my husband to touch me there or to insert any fingers in there for fear he might accidentally hurt me. I usually have to drink to the point of being drunk so that I can have sex. That can't be good. My husband and I have sex like once a month if we're lucky. Often times I find myself feeling in the mood but afraid to act on it and end up going to sleep frustrated. My husband is a gentle guy and always stops when I ask. He wants to please me in every way he knows and can learn how. <P>My husband is frustrated and feels that I've rejected him when I decide I don't want to have sex with him. What is WRONG with me?

It seems to me, having read a few of your posts, that you are well on the road to recovery, having had (primary?) vaginismus probably as a result of the rape.You were unable to insert even a tampon, and now you have reached the stage where you are able to have full penetrative sex. Well done!!Even though the sex may be very mechanical and unpleasant for you still and although you may not desire sex at all, look at what you have achieved. As a primary vaginismus sufferer whose marriage is still unconsummated, I think it is wonderful you have reached this stage.<BR>To progress to the next stage, perhaps you need to take a look at your hormone levels; make sure your free testosterone level is high enough. Low testosterone levels mean low sexual desire. Are you aware of the internet vaginismus support group(cf. yahoo support groups-vaginismus)? Others in that group have experienced past sexual trauma which led to them having vaginismus. They might be able to give you coping strategies; a way forward... People in this support group are at different stages of the recovery process; some have completely recovered and remain part of the group in order to help and advise others.I don't feel qualified to advise you myself, except to suggest that you pour your fears and concerns out to the members of the support g. and perhaps even a sex therapist, or a rape crisis counsellor who might be able to suggest strategies; who might be able to defuse your fears... <BR>

20something, I have never been raped, however I was molested by my step-father for 12 years. ANY kind of sexual trauma can effect the relationships you have later in years. I learned that here and through a therapist who was crazy enough to tell me I was healed of the problems that go along with this type of abuse. You never really heal. You move on, do your best to come to grips with the past, but no matter how hard you try, it never completely goes away.<BR> I wish I could tell you that one day you would wake up and all of your fears and inhabitions(*sp) about sex will be gone, but without some intensive therapy, or atleast an extreemly strong support base to listen to you when you want to talk or let you cry when you need to cry.<BR> It sounds like you have a husband like mine. He is wonderful!!! Let him know that it is not him and that may take some couples counciling. I feel your pain. I know some of what you are going through. I would never think that the mild molestation that happened to me was as severe as being raped, please don't think I am trying to belittle this traumatic experence. I am just letting you know that you do have a friend who has been in a situation, sorta, like yours.<BR> You will get through this! And when you do you will look back and see that it made your marriage stronger and more loving!!!!!<BR> I hope the best for you and your husband, good luck in the future and keep me/us informed of your progress, there will be some!!!! Godspeed! Angela