His and Her Health

Ok, as I read and read and read some more, I start to see things more clearly and then again, less clearly.<P>I remember when sex was 3 or 4 times a day. I am talking good sex, the hot and horny kind that you just can't get enough of, even when you are getting too sore to walk.<P>But even with that much sex going on, my H still had the need to masturbate on a daily basis. At first, I really didn't mind too much. He used to hide it from me, but, I felt that it was acceptable, and told him he shouldn't feel ashamed and hide from me. It was my shock to realize that no matter how much or how good the sex was, it still wasn't enough for him. That became somewhat frustrating for me.<P>(let me just mention, that I am talking about my ex-husband of 7 years.)<P>gradually, the amount of sex decreased to once a day, but was still great. After my second pregnancy, twins, my sex drive never returned.<P>But also, about that same time, we went from having great sex to "5 minute quickies" because he couldn't control himself. No matter what else happened, I had better be to the point of orgasm, otherwise, he had his and it was over. Yet he still continued to masturbate on a daily basis.<P>My lack of a desire for sex, and his lack of a desire to want to give me any pleasure, I am sure, made things worse as time went on.<P>between my lack of desire for sex, and not getting any gratification when we did have sex, soon lead to me not wanting sex at all.<P>So now, I have a H I can't even hug, because to him that was a sign to grope my backside, grope my breasts, and want sloppy kisses, so that he could get his "5 minute quickie". It all became one big turn off, and another HUGE arguement that was ongoing. <P>There is a lot to be said for simple affection. There is a lot to be said for gentle tenderness, and rubbing that have no expectations of sex to follow. There is a lot to be said about mutual sex as opposed to the "me" kind of sex. <P>Now I have gone the complete opposite direction, and again it is baffling. I have been in this relationship for over 3 years, and things couldn't be any different. And yet, still the same. Kevin isn't demanding of sex.... but he has no clue how to turn a woman on at all, and no desire to learn either. He doesn't even know if he has ejaculated or not! I just can't understand how you can cum and not know it one way or the other!? This is a man who wants me on top, so he doesn't have to do anything! And if he does take the top, is ready to quit because his arms are tired... no matter if neither one of us reached orgasm, and no offers to help find that conclusion in any other way. This is a man who has never experienced oral sex, and is unwilling to even give it a try one time.<P>Folks, I went from one set of frustrations, to another. It isn't enough that I have my own problems with sexual desire, now I have compounded that scenario! God help me!<P>At this point, I need to revive my own desire, so that I can hopefully help my partner as well. I guess once I get myself on better ground, it will be time to dig out my book on message for lovers.<P>help4mygf, if you are out there, and you happen to read this... maybe you can give me some advice on how to teach my partner how to have better sex (from a male perspective).<BR>thanks for listening<BR>Val aka gonecrazytoo<P>

Val, The old saying that you can't teach an old dog news tricks doesn't stop at "old" dogs!! For him to learn he has to want to learn. Have you tried talking to him about it? However, if he is as hard headed as you are saying it would probibly do no good. <P> About your ex-hubby, It sounds to me like he had an addiction to masturbation! Masturbation in and of itself is not a problem (atleast that is how I see it) it is when it takes the place of sex with a partner that it becomes a problem, when the partner is willing and able to have sex. <BR> Good luck and set us know if you come across something that gets his attention! You may try leaving a book laying around...like...."how to please a woman" Maybe he will see it and be interested. If he asks questions tell him that you just wanted to see how acurate it was and it seems to be right on the nose! But the down fall to this is, he has to be able to take a hint.....is he? Angela