His and Her Health

Few questions<BR>Do vibrators really help you achieve orgasms?<P>I'm 43. Can't have the big O with my H.<BR>He had an affair nearly two years ago and I'm still dealing with that. I can bring myself to O through masterbation but not with him, even when he does oral, fingering, etc. He really tries.<P> I get real hot and bothered, really into it, but can never go over the top. Sometimes my emotions go wacko and I actually cry which turns him off or he won't say anything. I'm afraid this O issue is going to ruin what I have of a marriage left.<P>He wants to please me. I told him I think its psychological and has to do with a lack of trust.<BR>I don't know what to do or how to solve the problem. I get so frustrated.<BR>Any suggestions?<P>Another problem is sometimes I get so wet during the day, I have to wear a pad. nuts!!<P>I really don't think its urine. I have good control of my bladder. I do kegal excercises alot and h says I have strong muscles. This wetness problem can be very embarrassing. A few times I have found myself completely soaked. It doesnt' take much at all to get me wet when we are thinking about sex.<BR>I try NOT to think about sex.<P>H wants me to get a vibrator, so I ordered one but want to know if it will be worth it.<BR>Do they help or is it alot of hoopla?<P>Thanks.<BR>TC123<P>

This is my own personal theory. Just try it to see. I'm sure trust is an issue there, absolutely, but purely from the physical side I may be of some help. I firmly believe that vaginal and clitoral orgasms do directly opposite things. Vaginal orgasms can be achieved very easily (and no trust necessary) by following my diet and then flexing your PC muscles during sex. However, if you want to try for a clitoral orgasm during sex, I have found that being sexual with a man causes me to instinctively flex my PC muscles which will SLOW DOWN a clitoral orgasm. Try having him manually or orally stimulate you while you are lying on your back in as relaxed a position as possible, and every time you feel your vaginal muscles contract, concentrate on being relaxed and loose. Speed up your breathing and rotate your hips a little, concentrating on keeping your PC muscles relaxed and loose.<P>Don't get me wrong, having strong PC muscles is great for sex and both kinds of orgasms--just don't flex 'em for a clitoral orgasm.<P>On the other hand, yes, a strong vibrator will probably be able to overcome any slowdowns caused by PC muscle flexing. <BR>[This message has been edited by zaneblue (edited 09 May 2003).]<P><BR>[Note: This message has been edited by NEWSHE Moderator]<P>Also, forgot to mention, it sounds from what you are describing that you are naturally gifted and may be able to have ejaculatory orgasms with some practice from G-spot stimulation. Your body may instinctively know this and be tensing up to avoid vaginal orgasms during sex for fear that you might gush. You might want to try giving yourself a gushing G-spot orgasm in the bathtub using a dildo. The first few times, overcoming the conditioning one received as a child is difficult. If you empty your bladder before starting, you will see that the fluid that comes out is not urine. Your partner may or may not be comfortable with this whole idea.<p>[This message has been edited by zaneblue (edited 09 May 2003).]

Thanks Zaneblue,<BR>I don't think I've ever had anything but clitoral orgasm (self-induced)<P>I will study that diet you posted. I am sorry to have missed whatever else you wrote. You can email me your website address<BR>and that might be helpful. Thank you.

Hi Ive been having sex for about 3 years now and havent had an orgam with a guy. I first had one about two years ago from a vibrator on my clit and have used it ever since. It makes me have an orgasm within a few minutes. Im very stressed because I have never had one from fingering myself and try hard but cant. During sex or oral sex with my bf i get frustrated because even if it goes for hours i cant get as close to orgasm as i can from a vibrator in a few minutes. I have been worried I have maybe damaged the nerves there, or that i have formed this strong belief that I will never have an orgasm any other way than a vibrator, which I know is silly but cant change my mind. If i could achieve one through fingering i know i could eventually with a guy and vice versa but cant get either! please help!! Itsmaking me sad and lose hope..