His and Her Health

I'm almost 18 years old. I've never had feeling in my nipples or clitoris, and I've never had any interest in masturbating. I never thought it was a problem growing up, I thought that if I was with someone I loved it would be different. But my current boyfriend and I have been getting more and more intimate, more intimate than I've been with anyone before. I'm never aroused when when we fool around, and if he expresses a want to pleasure me, I either make an excuse (I haven't shaved my legs recently, I'm on my period), or turn the attention back to him. I love him more than anything, and it makes me happy when I turn him on. But I'm never actually horny myself. I'm too embarrassed to tell him I have this problem. I bought some pills that are supposed to enhance desire and blood flow, and I also bought some clitoral stimulation cream. Neither of them helped much. When I'm using the cream, I feel a slight tingling sensation, but I have to work at it for a long time to feel aroused at all. I started looking online for what might be wrong with me, and found this website. I took the personalized sexual self assessment quiz, and it told me I could have Female Sexual Arousal Disorder. I have all the symptoms. I'm not on any medication, and I don't have any kind of sexual trauma in my history. It said something about hormone levels. How can I get my hormone levels tested? If I do have a problem with my levels, what can be done to fix it? How long will it take to be fixed?<BR>

Certainly get your hormone levels checked. May I also suggest buying a high-powered vibrator like a Hitachi Magic Wand or an Eroscillator? It may be that you just haven't received the proper stimulation, and once the ice is broken and you know what an orgasm feels like, you might be more interested. I am saying this because of your age; perhaps I am completely off-base in saying this. In my own case, even though I was interested in masturbating at that age, it was very difficult for me to orgasm just using my fingers masturbating and extremely difficult for my boyfriend to make me orgasm because I felt so self-conscious. You say you do not get aroused; do you get wet, does your vagina lubricate when you have been kissing for a while or engage in other kinds of foreplay?

<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2"><BR>I've never had feeling in my nipples or clitoris, and I've never had any interest in masturbating.<P>...I'm never actually horny myself. I'm too embarrassed to tell him <P>...It said something about hormone levels. How can I get my hormone levels tested? If I do have a problem with my levels, what can be done to fix it? How long will it take to be fixed?<BR></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I heard a story that mirrors yours not too long ago. I won't go into detail, but the issues you relate were very similar. I've also heard several accounts of other similar issues here.<P>The basic factor in all the incidences I have heard was very low testosterone levels, and also low estrogen levels in a few cases. <P>One caveat here, is your young age. If you were complaining of not being able to orgasm, one might wonder if you had "learned" yourself, or had a technically less than skilled partner - both of these are not terribly unusual occurances for younger women. However, it's my opinion, that if your T levels *are* extremely low, then all your efforts to arouse yourself and the like will be met with little or no physical response. (It would be kind of like "psyching" yourself up to run a marathon with a broken leg. Sure, training and mental preparation will be needed, but all the aids in the world won't help if you do have a broken leg.)<P>Now, how to check that, and what to do if it is a problem...that's the next question.<P>(A couple of excellent books might be helpful in understanding the issues involved. Try these titles.<P>I'm Not in the Mood: What Every Woman Should Know about Improving Her Libido, by Judith Reichman - Score, 9/10 <P>Getting the Sex You Want, a Woman's Guide to Becoming Proud, Passionate, and Pleased in Bed by Sandra Leiblum, Ph.D. and Judith Sachs.<P>I think both of these would offer you a lot. (I've read them both myself, and find they are easy to read and quite informative.)<P>(Oops...I need to run, so I'll come back and finish this post a bit later.)<P>The preview - find a good provider, get a full physical workup.<P>If it's T, then expect a minimum of 3 months, and as long as a year to see results.<P>Again, more later.<P>Thanks,<BR>Greg<P>------------------<BR>My profile has my email address and website. Click on the icon at the top of this post that looks like a head with a question mark.<P>Also note, I am *not* a doctor, and this is not intended as medical advice - Please talk to your doctor about your concerns.<p>[This message has been edited by distressed_12345 (edited 26 June 2003).]

Ok, some quick follow-up.<P>First, I'd really recommend reading the books above. There are other suggestions on the website too, but I'd start there.<P>Once you're pretty sure it's not a lack of knowledge or skill thing, and it sounds as though you're pretty sure now, but really think it through, then start looking for a provider.<P>From the symptoms you have posted, my personal opinion is that you're likely to have low Testosterone. To verify that and eliminate other possibilies, you really should get the following blood-work done, and have a qualified provider to read them. (This isn't nearly as easy as it sounds. Too many providers are clueless about FSD issues.)<P>===<P>Probably the most important test(s) in relation to desire disorder/ low libido, arousal disorder and sensation issues are:<P><UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>Total and Free T by equilibrium dialysis if possible (see an explaination of this in the blood-work section of the website listed in my profile.)<LI>Thyroid Function Tests (TSH, Thyroxine/T4)<LI>Prolactin / PRL (A blood test that measures the amount of the hormone prolactin.)<LI>LH / ICSH (Luteinizing hormone) <LI>FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone)<LI>Estradiol<LI>SHBG (Sex Homrmone Binding Globulin)<LI>DHEA and DHEAS</UL><P>There are some additional issues, if you've not had your tests done yet.<P>[b]Get your T levels measured with a test called "equilibrium<BR>dialysis." The only other reliable method we recommend is the Free Androgen Index, sometimes also called the Free Testosterone Index, which is the index of Total T/SHBG. This issue is incredibly important. (The cheapest and most widely used test is RIA. RIA is *completely* unreliable to measure T levels in women, especially those levels found in women with very low testosterone. In fact, the FDA is currently working to either force the makers of the RIA tests to show its accuracy in women, or forbid the use in women.)<P>Have your blood drawn in the morning hours, and during the middle third of your period. (This piece is probably not of immense importance, though it currently is thought to give the most accurate picture of your T levels.)<P><BR>Also...<BR>Call every doc who has run *any* blood work on you for the last couple of years. Request that they either mail, fax, carrier pidgeon, etc *FULL* copies of all results to you. This is really important, and something that you should ask for in the future. <P>(Don't accept *only* a "reading" over the phone, though I'd take careful notes if they offer. Then ask for them to mail or fax. If they refuse, politely inform them that you are legally entitled to full copies of your medical records, and that they need to get with the program.)<P>===<P>Finally, as I have posted over the last few weeks, the time frame for a solution, provided it is T, can be from 3 weeks to more than 6 months. The varation of times I've seen is very wide. You could see results in days, or perhaps not for months and months.<P>Lastly, if you want some assistance in locating a provider, you can post a request over at the forum at the website listed in my profile. We'll see what we can do. I'd post here, but the rules here do not allow for that.<P>Best wishes,<BR>Greg<P>(Sorry for any typo's and mis-spellings - I'm in a hurry.)<P>------------------<BR>My profile has my email address and website. Click on the icon at the top of this post that looks like a head with a question mark.<P>Also note, I am *not* a doctor, and this is not intended as medical advice - Please talk to your doctor about your concerns.<p>[This message has been edited by distressed_12345 (edited 27 June 2003).]

Oh my gosh, that's overkill. You're gonna give the poor girl a permanent complex. She is EIGHTEEN.<P>Sweetie, you're very young. Lots of us aren't interested in sex until we're older. I had to grow into my sexuality. I had to mature both physically and mentally. We mature at different rates. They do say women are at their peak sexually at 40. This isn't because our bodies are at their peak at 40! It takes some of us longer to learn about our bodies and to feel comfortable expressing ourselves as sexual beings. I felt self-conscious and inhibited as a young woman. It is impossible to allow yourself to feel turned on if you are feeling inhibited at the same time. Don't do anything sexual before YOU want to. I know young girls these days are giving boys oral sex at the drop of a hat. If you feel pressured to be like everyone else, or how you THINK everyone else is, you're going to ruin it for yourself in the long run. DO NOT DO ANYTHING SEXUAL UNLESS IT IS SEXUALLY PLEASURABLE FOR YOU TOO. Maybe now is not the time for you to have a boyfriend and be intimate. If you don't feel butterflies for him he is probably not the one for you. I have friends who didn't have any interest in boyfriends in college, got jobs, met their loves in their late 20's, and are living happily ever after. Wait until you mature more and become comfortable with yourself as an INDIVIDUAL and a woman.<p>[This message has been edited by Bihag (edited 29 June 2003).]

I agree this may be overkill and she is very young. I agree that women and even men grow into ther comfort level of sexuality over time.<P>I am going to sound old, but I was not even thinking of FSD when I was 17 or 18.<p>[This message has been edited by Iam (edited 29 June 2003).]

Yes, this is overkill for someone who is 18, but SakuraChild's description reminds me of our own history a bit.<P>My wife was 18 when we were dating just prior to marriage. At that age she did not ever feel sexual or think about sex. <P>When she was 25 she had not become a sexual person.<P>When she was 35, she was no more sexual than she was earlier.<P>The same was true when she was 45.<P>Last winter, in a visit with Dr. G., she was told she very likely had a lifelong hormone imbalance caused by a specific enzyme deficiency (17 HSD). His words to her: "This is hereditary, so be sure to tell your daughters (if they have any symptoms) not to wait 25 years before getting help."<P>She is now in her 50s and is growing into her sexuality, thanks to appropriate hormone treatment.<P>I realize few women will experience this particular scenario, and that most will naturally grow into their sexuality as they mature. But I offer my wife's experience as one example where seeking help early would be indicated.<P><p>[This message has been edited by Pilgrim (edited 29 June 2003).]

Good point Pilgrim. I have read some of the initial thoughts on the enzyme deficiency that may be an issue for some women.

Thank you everyone for your help. I'm sorry I haven't answered anyone, but I haven't had much access to the computer the past few days. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by zaneblue:<BR><B> You say you do not get aroused; do you get wet, does your vagina lubricate when you have been kissing for a while or engage in other kinds of foreplay?</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>No, I don't get wet at all.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Bihag:<BR><B>I felt self-conscious and inhibited as a young woman. It is impossible to allow yourself to feel turned on if you are feeling inhibited at the same time.</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>It's true that I have self-esteem problems, but even then, shouldn't I feel <I>something</I> when I try to masturbate? I don't feel anything at all, and even with the help of creams all I get is a dull tingling.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Bihag:<BR><B>Maybe now is not the time for you to have a boyfriend and be intimate. If you don't feel butterflies for him he is probably not the one for you. </B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I don't think that it's just that I'm not ready, and it's definitely not a problem with my boyfriend. I really love him. I want to be close to him, and I'd love to get aroused when he touches me, but my body just doesn't cooperate.<P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by distressed_12345:<BR><B>..Lastly, if you want some assistance in locating a provider, you can post a request over at the forum at the website listed in my profile. We'll see what we can do.<BR></B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thank you so much for the link, it was really helpful. I made a post requesting doctors in NJ, and hopefully I'll see some replies soon. Everything else you said was super helpful, too.<P><BR>Thanks again to everyone. You've all really made this easier for me. It's really good to know there are people who are eager to help.

If you don't even get wet when engaging in sexual activity, sounds like a hormone problem to me, rather than an age thing.