His and Her Health

I'm planning on losing my virginity to my boyfriend, the love of my life, somewhat soon. However, I have some issues I need to address.<P>First off, is there anything the ladies out there can recommend to make the "pain" of the hymen tearing a bit more bearable? <BR>In general, can I do anything during the actual sex to make things easier?<P>Second off, is there anyone out there who has a history of sexual abuse or assault...who had a hard time sleeping with someone for the first time since the assault happened? I'm in the same boat, and I'd desperately love to have someone who's been in my shoes to talk to about this.<P>

I wasn't going to post in this one, but seeing as no one else has...my advice is to take it slowly. If your boyfriend is careful and patient, no tearing is necessary, you can simply stretch. Have him start off with a well-lubed finger in you, and after a few weeks of that, two fingers, and then three. Make sure he doesn't penetrate you with his fingers or penis until you are completely aroused and well-lubricated (and still use lube). You can also help stretch open yourself with self massage, gently twisting a lubed thumb, pressing down on your hymen to stretch it.<P>I don't know what to say about the abuse question, don't know anything about that sort of thing. But common sense would say that would make it doubly important to go slowly and feel that you are in control of what happens. I would suggest that the first time he penetrates you with his penis that you be on top so you control the speed. Ask him to masturbate to ejaculation first so that his second erection is smaller and less firm.