His and Her Health

Hello all, I am new to this chat.. and I assume my topic has been discussed...well I need help here, I am a 29 year old women who just cant have an orgasm through intercourse and to tell you the truth it is getting "a bit" frustrating. Even writing this makes me embarrassed, and I think this is how I do feel most of the time. I do not know where to start or what to say except that I never had an orgasm through intercourse and before it did not boder me so much (or I chose to ignore it) but now it is becoming a problem since I am in a relationship that really matters to me and I just feel like "the woman that can not have an orgasm", now for a while I have been faking my orgasm until my boyfriend asked whether I actually had an orgasm or not, so I said the truth… NOT. He told me not to worry and that we will be patient and that I will get there, well I did not… we tried so may things and sometimes I do feel a different sensation when he is inside of me, but I can not say that there is anything major going on. I do really enjoy making love to my boyfriend, but lately I can see that inability to have an orgasm while he is inside of me really makes me sad and depresses me. I just feel as “less of a womanâ€

I'm sorry , but I dont think your going to like what I'm about to say.<BR>MOST women CAN NOT have an orgasm through intercourse alone. I can not and never have.<BR>I can ,however if I touch myself while he is inside of me..... Then it works every time.<BR>Sometimes the clitoris just doesn't get touched enough to bring on an orgasm. I could try and try all I wanted it was NOT going to happen and I have been with the same man ( husband) for 16 years and it never happend for me. You just learn that you cant that way but can other ways and that's fine with me. My body wont work that way and it's OK. MOST women CAN NOT.... SO dont worry about it. You did not say if you could orgasm other ways ??????? If you can... forget your worries, be glad that you can and be happy, it's NOT the end of the world. - Rain

Hi AK,<BR>If what your wanting is the internal ones, then I know where your coming from. <BR>Only at one point in my life was I able to do that and only for a brief 3 months. It was wonderful.<BR>If that is what you are talking about, maybe you would be interested in Zaneblues website.<BR>I'm sure she is going to jump in here with some interesting advice.<BR>I'm sure worrying about it each time you make love is not going to help either.<BR>Good luck,<BR>Sheryl

Most women can't have an orgasm just from intercourse! The "standard" orgasm for women is the clitoral orgasm, and considering that the clitoris is outside the vagina, it's hardly surprising. This is why there is oral sex. And of course, fingers are handy. If you feel uncomfortable rubbing your clitoris during intercourse, teach him how. If you really have your heart set on orgasming during penetration and fingers are not enough, they sell these handy gizmos called Eggstasy pouches, that hold those tiny mini-Pearl vibrators, basically a hands-free approach. And there are a couple other tricks too, get him to get you very close with foreplay, and then try the CAT (coital alignment technique) position for actual sex.<P>On the other hand, if you don't want to be "most women" and you want to try for vaginal orgasms, I know a few tricks there too. Vaginal orgasms aren't as strong as clitoral orgasms, but they certainly are fun and result directly from the act of penetration. Will make your man feel very studly and will make you feel great too. For tips on improving vaginal orgasmic ability, check out my orgasmic diet website in my profile here. However, if you do develop this ability, that doesn't mean your partner is off the hook when it comes to giving you clitoral orgasms when you want one. I consider it a double the pleasure, double the fun situation.<p>[This message has been edited by zaneblue (edited 08 July 2003).]

Ok, I'll admit, I've never had an orgasm vaginally either. I know it's a bummer. Your hear about people having multiple orgasms and we can't even have one. Doesn't seem quite fair does it? Heck I'd be happy just to have a sex drive. See your feeling better already, huh? I can have one but only if I am stimulated on the outside, so your not alone. Don't beat yourself up about it. I'm sure we're bound to get something figured out with all the Dr. Ruth's around here. There is so much good advice. I guess we have to just sit back and take notes-- hee hee! Boy I feel like an uneducated prude. Anyway I just thought you could use a little humor and sympathy. Hang in there!<p>[This message has been edited by dizzyturtle (edited 09 July 2003).]

rsr3alex,<BR>Your body goes through huge changes during pregnancy, and these changes affect your sexual responses. Pregnancy creates increased blood flow throughout your body, and by your second trimester, your genitals become engorged with pooling blood. Some women find that increased blood flow to their erectile tissues results in heightened arousal and more intense orgasms. Others find that as their pregnancy progresses, the increased blood flow can be frustrating. Their blood-engorged genital tissues remain in a state of semi-arousal that orgasm is insufficient to resolve.

Thanks a lot all!!!!!!!!!!, I should have asked this question long time ago... anyways your answers did help me feel better and it is good to know I am not alone and I do have orgasms in all other ways so that is good... but definetly want to try zaneblue advice , so where can I get more info on CAT technique?<BR>

Owner,<BR>Thank you for the explaination. I understand, as this is not the first time that this has been explained to me here.<BR>What exactly is your point? <BR>Sheryl

The coital alignment technique (CAT) is described in detail, I think, in Lou Paget's The Big O and Kim Cattrall's Satisfaction (but both of my copies are buried somewhere under other books so I'm not sure). You can also do a google search on "coital alignment technique" and get a pretty good description (we aren't allowed to post actual links on this messageboard). But basically it's just the missionary position with the man riding high, so the shaft of his penis rubs against your clitoris.

If you want to believe or listen to statistics (which I won't go on a rant about here), something like 60-75% (depends on which study you look at)of women can't orgasm via intercourse alone. That means that only about 25-45% of us have vaginal oragsms. That said, not everyone has clitoral orgasms, either (I can't, but I can have vaginal ones).<P>There are some things to try if you want to see if you can have vaginal orgasms. First, get REALLY aroused, either on your own or your partner. When you are soaking wet and very extired, have him insert one or two fingers into your vagina. Instead of stroking in and out with them, as men usually do, have him kind of wiggle them back and forth, putting pressure on the underside of your pelvic bone between 1 and 3 inches up. This is the approximate location of the g-spot, which is what gives some women vaginal orgasms. It will feel slightly different to him, more "spongy," and may intitially make you feel as if you need to urinate. Make sure you urinate before you begin sexual play, and this will pass. Bearing down with your pelvic muscles may also help. You can, of course, try this with a g-spot vibrator, too. Once you find your g-spot and see if that works to bring you to vaginal orgasm (it does for some, doesn't for others) you can experiment with finding positions in which your partner better reaches your g-spot. One excellent position for this is your boyfriend sitting on a chair, or on a couch or bed with his back straight, and you stradling him, sitting up. This is also nice and eeasy on the legs ) <P>The other possibility is cervical stimulation. Some women find this very pleasurable (I am one of them), and others find it painful, so go slowly with this. A good position for getting cervical stimulation is doggy-style, on all fours, with you leaning your torso forward onto a pillow. Your boyfriend should enter slowly and deeply--no porn-pounding action here, at least for starters. If he is very small, this won't work, btw. He has to be average length of better to be able to massage your cervix in this manner(and too long is bad). You should be very excited before he enters you, and he should go in short, slow thrusting movements. He can also move his hips side-to-side or in a slow circle while he's deep in you. If it's painful, stop. He should never pound in this position, and it can damage the cervix.<P>Whatever you do, don't focus on the orgasm. The orgasm, while a really wonderful part of sex, is really only a very small portion of it. Focus on enjoying yourself with your partner and having fun. If you over-concentrate on orgasm, you will miss the rest.<P>Every woman is different. Good luck in your quest, but remember to enjoy what you have. Having an orgasm, whether vaginal or clitoral, doesn't make you a woman. Not having one doesn't make you less a woman. Knowing yourself, loving yourself, being comfortable in who you are and confident in yourself make you a woman.