His and Her Health

I am a 22 year old, high stress female. My husband of just over a year and I are at that point where sex is just not happening. once in the past three weeks. He is 28 and just as stressed I find sex to releive stress, he uses either the computer (playing everquest) or sleep. <BR>When we met we were like rabbits , and I know that will never be the same, but come on I want it at least every other day, him nothing. I have tried seducing him, offering oral sex, and all out attack, morning, noon, or night he just rolls over, or brushes me off.<BR>When we do have sex, it is boring, we could honestly talk about balancing the checkbook and painting the house while in the middle of it. Not to mention he used to be able to go two or three times, hours on end now I am lucky if I get a full 5 minutes, and forget about orgasm, I forgot what that is like. <BR>I try to masterbate, but I always tense up before I cum, and then just end up with female blue balls! <BR>Both of us have added comfort weight, and I expected that, it is both of our second marrigaes we are at the point, where we work and sleep,sleep and work.<BR>David, my husband is a sweet and caring man, but he has zilch for drive, I have tried talking to his friends, and they even find it weird.<P>He blames it on stress and his added weight he went from a 32 inch waist to a 36 me a size 14 to a size 18. Neither of us are happy with the weight, but damn, lets go on a sex exercise diet. I need something, I feel like spiking his sweet tea with Viagra <BR>

Wieght gain and stress can both have a pretty major impact on libido. Fortunately, there is a way to work on it. Excersize, especially together. Excersize will increase your blood flow, release hormones in the body that help alleviate and manage stress, and boost sex drive via other chemicals released in the process of working out. Excersize will also help your hubby get his self-confidence and good body image back, which may be part of what's hampering his libido. Excersizing together will give you some bonding time, as well as a good support system. You can excersize at home if you don't want to go to the gym.<P>Putting on "comfort pounds" isn't necessary or to be expected in a relationship (unless, of course, medical reasons arise). It can be easily controlled via diet and moderate excersize, and this can also help your sex life tremendously. Men suffer this just as much as women. Stress suppresses testosterone, the hormone of desire. Excersize helps counteract this by both managing stress, and encouraging hormone production. <P>Try also to eat fewer simple carbs. There's a great post on this in another thread on a woman with low desire. Take a minute and read that, too.<P>Hope this helps!

You are going to laugh at me, but I think it might be the videogame playing. Long hours of videogame playing raise serotonin levels without raising dopamine levels. It's my pet theory that high serotonin levels and low dopamine levels kill sex drive. Any compulsive behavior with low physical activity (like gambling, for instance) has this effect.<P>Exercise will help because it raises both dopamine and serotonin at the same time (and helps with testosterone levels and circulation). I would also suggest decreasing caffeine intake (and nicotine, if he smokes) as much as possible and try a high-protein diet high on the monosaturated fat, fruit and vegetables, and low on starchy foods. Most of all, I would recommend fish oil, an over-the-counter supplement that helps balance serotonin and dopamine in the brain.<P>On the other hand, there may be relationship issues that are causing him to kill his libido with videogame playing. Can't give you advice on that, just wanted you to be aware. Or it might just be that he's using the game as a stress reliever--something escapist that raises serotonin levels effectively can be quite addictive.<P>If you have some vacation time coming up, try to get away, and don't bring the laptop! Getting away from his work stress and everquest might be all he needs to jumpstart his libido. <P>And get yourself a good vibrator and try not to hate him. I know it's a double standard, but somehow it seems harder for women in this position than men. More humiliating. Don't push sex on him, but make sure you dress sexy. Just because you've put on a little weight doesn't mean you can't look like a million bucks. Let him see that other men find you attractive--I'm not saying flirt or make him jealous, but make him proud to have you on his arm.

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. <P>I really liked what zaneblue said about still looking like a million bucks. That is what I am trying to do.<P>I just hope that he gets over it. I agree with you about the video game playing and the changes in the brain. I have OCD, and I have done a ton of research, I had to after everyone was wondering why I did not have the same sexual side effects from Prozac and Paxil that they did. With OCD the saritonin levels are crazy, so I had a drive, and was wanting it all the time.<P>Honestly, I adore my husband, I still get butterflies when I hear his voice! I am proud to have him on my arm, and I think that he feels the same. <P>I know that he is not very satisfied with his work enviroment (we work together, so I can sympathize)...I think that he wants to please me in every way, but is so drained with everything else.<P>We all handle it differently. Thanks again, I will look into the fish oil thing, and the diet changes. I really appreciate your comments!! They helped!