His and Her Health

I am 40 yrs old happily married for 15 years to my highschool sweetheart with 3 great kids. My husband is the most supportive and best friend in the world. My problem lies within me. I am seldom able to achieve orgasm. Have discussed this with my Dr. she said normal with busy family and young kids but I keep waiting for "my time" Everyone says sex gets better in your "30's " but it didn't and now that I'm 40 I don't want to "Miss the Boat" I had a very healthy happy childhood, no sexual hangups etc.. it just seems like it takes so much work to achieve an orgasm. Is there something wrong with me? One other thing is that I feel like I have had orgasms in my sleep because it wakes me up. Is this possible?? Just want to know if there are any tips to help me become more orgasmic. I do have some books, a vibrator, tapes and as I said my husband is very supportive in helping me. Any advice? Thanks

It's definitely possible to have orgasms in your sleep. Since you can orgasm, and if you are orgasming in your sleep, there's likely nothing physically "wrong" with you. <P>It sounds as though you may actually be trying too hard, and thinking about it too much, which is actually getting in the way of your orgasms. I know, this is like telling someone not to think of pink elephants. If you can, however, find a way to relax a bit more and stop concentrating on orgasm, you may have better luck. Start focusing more on how good sex, itself, feels (this includes things aside from penetration, of course), and don't worry about the orgasm. It may be as simple as making sex about the pleasure of the entire experience and not so orgasm-focused. For some women, thinking about it too much just gets in the way of it happening. Are you on any medications (bcp's, anti-depressants, etc.)? Any medical conditions (diabetes, blood pressure, hysterectomy, etc.)?<P>Do you do kegels? These might also help you, depending depending on how your orgasm, and certainly won't hurt.<P>Do you drink at all? If so, do you find it easier to orgasm after a glass or two of wine (not drunk, just a bit of a relaxing affect)? If so, this may indeed mean that you need to find a way to relax yourself.<P>One idea, not to go all "new-agey" or anything, is yoga. The yogic breathing and relaxation can help during sex. You don't have to be a yogi master or anything, just get a basic video or book on yoga for relaxation. You can put some of the relaxation and mind-clearing/focusing meditation techniques into practice during sex, allowing yourself to relax into the feeing of the moment and focus on the means, not the end.<P>Kids and a busy life will make you more stressed, and can make it more difficult for some women to orgasm. Help yourself by getting a good amount of sleep, drinking LOTS of water (sounds hokey, but it can really help with lubrication, etc.), and excersize. Excersize relieves stress, increase blood flow which can help sensation, and releases "happy" hormones into your body.<p>[This message has been edited by dona1 (edited 21 November 2003).]

Dona1: Thanks for the info. No I am not on any meds. I do have a glass(or 2) of wine at night while preparing dinner, getting kids homework et.. I do exercise several times a week and have a pretty good body image of myself. (Did have breast lift 2 years ago due to childbirth and no have no hangups about my body) I guess you're right on putting too much focus on the big "O" I guess I'm one of those types who need immediate gratification so I need to learn to relax. Thanks again for your advice. I am new to this forum and think I am going to get alot out of it.

honeez, i sound a bit like you wityh needing 'immediate gratification' and needing to leanr to relax. during sex i seem to think that if it hasnt happened within a short space of time, its not going too. or i feel insecure that i have never achieved orgasm from fingering myself or sex and lose hope. i have the kind of personality that over-analyses everything, and i get insecure quickly. so if anyone has any tips for relaxing in bed and not feeling insecure from lack of orgasm it would be much appreciated!