His and Her Health

As I've said in previous posts, I'm new at orgasm and masturbation. Boy, do I have a long way to go before I get this down pact. Seems as though I have to look for a needle in a haystack. It's taking longer and longer to achieve orgasm with a vibrator or clitoral stimulator, and sometimes it ends with nothing but a sore clitoral area, and a sore heart. I'm relaxing, taking my time, and doing all that I can to do this naturally, but it's just not working out. Maybe I'm trying too hard, but then again, I've noticed from the very start that I have to search that small little area just to find the right spot! I've been taking the fish oil religiously, Arginmax, Vigel, limited caffeine usage, etc. Is there a technique available out there that may help me in this process? I read somewhere breathing and "rocking" the pelvic area helps, but it only confused the situation. Can I get some ideas what I can try different? Fantasy thoughts aren't coming my way, and I'm not into porno, but I do like romantic music, which helped in the beginning, but even that doesn't seem to make a dent in the situation now. HELP!

A good book for this is "Sexual Pleasure" by Barbara Keesling. Gives explicit directions.

I had a thought. This is mere speculation on my part, but I noticed when I went on ArginMax for Women (and off my diet), that my orgasms took longer. I think that three ingredients in it, ginkgo, ginseng and l-arginine, slow down clitoral orgasms. You're getting the l-arginine topically with the Vigel, so keep using that, but drop the ArginMax. ArginMax was orginally designed for men, where slowed-down orgasms are a good thing.<P>Try instead taking the other ingredients contained in ArginMax. Take the vitamins--take a good multivitamin once a day, and extra Vitamin E and C. Take a full load of calcium/magnesium/zinc, take iron. And before sexual activity, take a damiana pill. I think this will preserve the desire-increasing effects of ArginMax and avoid the orgasm-slowing effects.

Thanks zane for the reply. I'll give it a try. Maybe I'll cheer up later, and it will work. Sorry if i'm sounding so down, but I really am feeling let down, and thing is, I don't feel comfortable talking to my husband about it, as I get the impression that he's not all for masturbation. In other words, if I do it alone and not in his presence, his attitude is somewhat like "what I don't see won't hurt me", but if I ask him to do me, he says he'd rather not.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2"><BR>In other words, if I do it alone and not in his presence, his attitude is somewhat like "what I don't see won't hurt me", but if I ask him to do me, he says he'd rather not. <BR></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Can I ask a few questions, and perhaps offer a suggestion.<P>Is his hang up with "doing you" a religious thing, or simply - how shall I put it - a clueless brute kind of thing? (I mean this in a dumb oaf, but kind way.)<P>If it is a religious thing, and if you think he might be willing to see things from another viewpoint, given some reasonable arguments, then perhaps you could suggest that he read a book. "Sex for Christians" - by Smedes if I recall correctly.<P>It's an excellent book and the views it contains are quite refreshing. It doesn't just cover what you shouldn't do, but gives great emphasis to what you SHOULD do. (Attentiveness to your spouse, willingness to face up to your own sexual problems, understanding about our own human failings, etc.)<P>However, I think it has to be something that he'd be willing to read with an open mind. If you think that's possible, then suggest it to him.<P>(Can I suggest again, the Schnarch book - for either or both of you? If he's an intellectual, I think Schnarch might appeal to him. If he's "Joe Sixpack, your local brute" perhaps not. I just think at least some of your issues come from the way you discuss, or don't discuss sex. Schnarch makes it easier to understand these things, if not loads easier to overcome. Sometimes, understanding is a significant part of the task.)<P>Finally, let me ask a funny question - at least to me. Would it be "OK" for you to give him a blow-job? <P>If so, how come it's not "OK" for him to manually (fingers at a minimum) stimulate you? What's good for the Gander and all that...<P>Or, is he simply against anything except penetrative sex? (If this is the case, perhaps he just needs a "reality" check about what kinds of sex are really appealing - and for most women, it's not just penetration. This might be a pretty easy task to accomplish.)<P>I don't mean to pry, and feel free to not answer my questions - I'm just trying to put myself in his shoes and figure out what's running through his head. <P>I'll stop there. Answer if you think you're comfortable and if you think it might be helpful.<P>(BTW, your discouragement isn't at all out of the ordinary. Many of us, I think, felt like we made some progress early on, and then plunged into the pit of despair. It will get better - just keep working on finding answers to your issues - and don't give up too soon. I think you'll get there.)<P>Best wishes,<BR>Greg<BR>------------------<BR>See the icons at the top of this post for my profile and more information.<BR>Also note, I am *not* a doctor, and this is not intended as medical advice - Please talk to your doctor about your concerns.<p>[This message has been edited by distressed_12345 (edited 17 December 2003).]