His and Her Health

I went into menopause in my early 40's. I've been taking HRT to relieve hot flashes for most of the last 8 or 9 years.
My current problem is a diminished libido. I've always been a very sexual person, but now I find that it's difficult to get aroused or to achieve orgasm--even through masturbation with a vibrator, which has always been a sure and quick thing for me in the past. I've experienced both clitoral and vaginal orgasms my entire life, but now it's as if my clit is dying a slow death. I require strong and prolonged vibrator pressure to climax. Worse yet, I've not experienced a single orgasm during sex with my boyfriend. We've been dating for 7 months and he is by far the most sensual, loving, passionate, skilled lover I've ever had but I can't get sufficiently aroused to climax. It's depressing and frustrating for both of us.
I've considered testosterone (recommended by my OBGYN) but I'm afraid of the potential side effects (baldness, facial hair, etc.). I've also read of the fish oil/chocolate/kegel exercises therapy.
Has anyone out there tried any of these remedies and how effective were they? Is there anything else anyone might offer?
I'm 51 but still energetic, active, and sexy and I do NOT want my sex life to end so soon! HELP!!!

You could be me. I also felt my "clit was dying a slow death" in my late 40s, just as you put it. And since I had only ever had clitoral orgasms, losing that was disastrous. Like you, it got to the point where I needed a good 20 minutes with a very strong vibrator to get any release.

I've been on both 2% Testosterone cream AND the fish oil/exercise program for a full year now and can happily report to you that there is hope.

You'll find some controversy about the T cream here, but I have found that it helps with clitoral sensitivity and the side effects are a result of using too much. I tolerate a little oilier skin and I pluck a few extra hairs, but if I get a zit I cut back on the amount of cream and that takes care of it. I've had a slight enlargement of the clitoris and I worry about long term effects, but after a year nothing bad has happened, so I continue with caution and try to minimize the use as much as possible.

MORE happily, the fish oil/PC exercise program has worked out really wonderfully. I had NEVER had a vaginal orgasm in my life and I have them now quite easily. So for someone like you, who used to have them normally, I would imagine it would be quite effective.

Hang in there!

THANK YOU! I'm so encouraged by what you said.

I'm going to try the fish oil regimen but I wonder if it's really necessary to buy the Omega Zone brand? It's $50 for less than a month's supply, isn't it? I hear there's a much cheaper brand available at CVS but I don't know if it's as effective. What have you been using? Also, how long did it take before you began to notice any results? Did you begin with the testosterone or the fish oil/PC exercises, or both simultaneously?

As for the testosterone, I wouldn't mind the side effects you described, but the thought of baldness terrifies me! Maybe I'll just take it one step at a time.

I've also been looking at different types of vibrators and found a combination suction/vibrator that purportedly increases blood flow to the clitoris, thus stimulating and increasing sensitivity. Did you (or has anyone else out there) ever try it? I'm curious to know if it really works before I plunk down $70 for it.

Thanks again SO MUCH for your encouragement, Eva M!

I will let you know about the fish oil in a week. I was using the Omega Zone for a long time with good results. I recently switched to the the cheaper TwinLabs from Drugstore.com and have been using it for two weeks. At this point, I'd say it's not working quite as well. But next week I'm going to switch back to the Zone and see if I can tell a difference. The stuff from your local drugstore usually doesn't have as high a concentration of EPA and DHA so you have to take so many to get the right amount. And don't forget the exercise part! That was an important key for me.

Give it a solid month at least before you make any judgments.

I haven't heard of baldness being a side effect of testosterone. I would think you'd have to be taking WAY too much to experience something like that. I started both near the same time - last January.

Please let me know what you think of the suction vibrator. I've considered getting one but haven't yet. I've cut WAY back on vibrator usage in general, but if it really improves circulation it might be a good thing.

anonymous,

For you, I believe the exercise part is the most important part of that program.

Ok ladies, I'm convinced. I'm going to order the Omega fish oil ($50/month for restored sexual response is definitely worth it!), a PC resistance device, some chocolate and vitamins and see how it goes. I'll report back in a month with my findings. I man or may not fill the testosterone prescription I have; I'm just too afraid of hair loss. Balding would probably counteract any positive results I might get anyway!
THANKS for your advice. I'll continue to check in with anything else I learn along the way.

Hi, Eva M,
I finally have all my supplies and am ready to begin my regimen. (I did end up filling the testosterone prescription but am going to hold off on that for the time being and see what kind of results I get from the fish oil/vitamins and PC exercises.)
I have a question, though. There's conflicting information on using the gyneflex. Zaneblue recommends 20 minutes twice a week, but elsewhere I've seen her recommend every other day. The literature that came with it says to do 21 flexes each to a count to 10, per repetition, and to do a few repetitions each day. Can you or someone else tell me how much/often I should be exercising with it? Or in the long run does it not really matter much as long as you stick with it. I used it for the first time last night and am finding it easier to just flex repeatedly--I am unable to hold a flex for a few seconds, much less to a count of 10, and I assume that's because I'm just beginning. So I just flexed for 20 minutes.
I also wonder if anyone out there has experience with the Zaneblue regimen and hormone replacement therapy for menopause. She talks about possible interference from birth control pills, and since HRT is just another dosage of hormones I wonder if it could affect the regimen's efficacy.
Thanks!

Conner,
I'm curious about your posting. I am finding that with age my sexual responsiveness and ability to become aroused are very diminished--in other words, what's happening (or not as the case may be) within my body prior to penetration is the problem. Why do you think the exercises would be the most important part of the regimen?
Thanks!

I'm so glad I took a look at this thread; I don't usually come down to this section. I am very interested in feedback about my diet, positive and negative.
As for the Gyneflex, the instructions say to flex and hold, but I have a hard time doing that too. I think rhythmic flexing feels more natural and works just fine.

Every other day or twice a week is fine. The point is that it's best not to do it every day, give at least a day off for the muscles to rest and build up, just like any muscle-building routine.

I'm glad you sprang for the good stuff at least initially. If it works you can always try the cheaper brands and see how they compare, and if it doesn't work at least you know it's not the fish oil brand keeping it from working. You should be able to notice some sort of change within a month.

I use the gyneflex a little more than every other day. Probably 4-5 times a week for 15 minutes, but I do find I can work it a little more strongly if I skip a day. I generally do rhythmic pulsing or a half squeeze and then a series of pulses. I started with the #3 and had a hard time with it at first. Now I'm on #5 and probably will not get further than that. I don't know what level you've started at, but you also don't need to be able to squeeze it ALL the way shut to move up to the next level. If you can squeeze the tip of a finger on the contraction, that's probably good enough.

I would guess that Conner stressed the exercises because it is typical at menopause for women to lose muscle tone and muscle mass all over. So you want to be sure and work to counteract that tendency. Exercising also tends to increase circulation - another good thing.

Good luck!

I've been lurking on these boards for the better part of a year because I have the exact same problem. I am 52 and a breast cancer survivor for three years now. Chemo threw me into full blown menopause (much harder than natural menopause) and what was once a lively sex life with my husband of 30 years went sideways. I have to say I've found a lot of help on this site and have learned a lot. I have faithfully been on Zane's diet for about 6 months (haven't done the exercise part - I know... I should!). But I don't think the diet does the trick for menopausal women the same way it does for pre-menopausal women. I never had vaginal orgasms and don't have them now - that's not an issue. My basic problem is hormones, or rather the lack of them. The fish oil and healthy diet has helped and I'm staying with it, but I'm a far cry from where I was three years ago. I can't do HRT or even T because of the fear of cancer returning (I was estrogen receptor positive). What Anonymous is desperately seeking, as am I, is something that will safely help us get back our desire, ability to arouse quickly, and have dependable orgasms. The more I research this problem the more I'm convinced that there is no easy answer. The only suggestion I can offer to Anonymous is that I've been taking Arginmax for almost a year and I really noticed a difference after taking it about 2 weeks. I get a "tingle" now that I never had before. We also changed our patterns and have sex when I'm rested - mornings work better than nights. I also need a strong vibrator and sometimes even that doesn't work. I really appreciate all the time and effort the regular posters have put into this site, I feel like I know all of you. If anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them. Thanks.

That's the one place my diet is weak--if your total T is low, your total T is low. My diet helps your body utilize what T you have by keeping your SHBG low.

Safe and natural ways to increase T are by eating more quality fats in the diet and by putting on muscle mass. But on the other hand it might be dangerous in your case to attempt to increase T, even by natural means. I don't know.

I looked up the Arginmax website and noticed that it's been through double-blind placebo trials - something Dr. Berman specifically recommended when I asked her about judging products on her radio show. And you say you've really found it to make a difference in arousal? Can anyone else give info on it?

It seems to work for me. The literature on Arginmax says it usually begins to work in about two weeks. I took it without any change until day 14 when my clit began to "tingle" off and on. And, I began to have erotic dreams again. I went from a car with a dead battery to a "slow to turn over" engine on a cold morning. Not perfect, but a real improvement. I also discontinued taking Tamoxifen about 11 months ago because I could not tolerate it. But I started the Arginmax before that and was getting results. I do think the fish oil is beneficial, I have been able to avoid the depression that most breast cancer patients suffer after treatment. And I think it has boosted my immune system (I almost never get sick) which is great for someone who had cancer and chemo.

By the way, my oncologist soundly supports me taking the fish oil and the Arginmax.

I've tried ArginMax for Women. That was one of the things I tried early on. I wanted to see how my diet rated against something that had passed a double-blind trial so I went off my diet completely and took that for a while and was very surprised that my libido actually dropped considerably. Of course that may have been the placebo effect with me.

My theory with that is that it's actually the vitamins and minerals in it that help female sexuality, and not so much the l-arginine. It's high in zinc, A, C, E, B-complex and iron, all of which are also on my diet (I do recommend more zinc, C and iron than are in the ArginMax). Personally I believe that ginseng and ginkgo work against female sexual function. Also of course I am very much in favor of damiana, but don't think it's an herb that should be taken every day--for example there are warnings not to operate heavy machinery when under the influence. The only other ingredient in it is the l-arginine.

I would be extremely interested to know, if you ever feel like taking a vacation from it for a month, how your libido would do with taking the full array of vitamins and minerals found in it and taking a larger dose of damiana recreationally right before sexual activity. Because I think those are the active ingredients for women rather than the ginkgo, ginseng and l-arginine. Also if that works for you it would be much cheaper than taking the product--vitamins and minerals are relatively cheap, and you can buy damiana in bulk and make tea from it for almost nothing.