His and Her Health

I just turned 42 yrs old , I used to be a "once a weeker" kinda wife, didnt think much about sex, although loved it when doing it, I was not really the initiater. Now something has happened, I want it ALL THE TIME, like every single day, I think about it all the time. My poor Husband used to be this way (but suffered silently), now that I am this way, he is more like I was--but I am bugging him. Which really sucks, so I am always the initiater now, and we do it about every other day. More than that is too much for him, he is being checked for Low Testosterone levels right now. I have read most men are at their peak around 18 yrs, whereas women sometimes in their 40's. I almost feel like I just discoverd Sex or something! But anwyay, if anyone has experienced this, how long is this going to last????

A high libido at menopause is a normal condition and you should not feel guilty about having one!!
We have always been led to believe that it is the man who has the higher sex drive. This is not so, and sex drive is not gender driven. Men simply don't always have a stronger sex drive than women. I think you are one step ahead of the game, you certainly are openly communicating with your husband, you are not embarrassed to discuss your changes and the challenges you are facing as a couple. Facing these challenges may even open up new sexual dimensions. It is not only lower testosterone levels which may be playing a role, there may be other factors contributing to your spouse fizzling. Weight gain for one, lack of exercise, stress all takes its toll on how we experience sex. It's not unusual, for some women to "over sizzle" and in some women, they feel helpless because their partner has difficulty keeping up with them. The most important thing is to be supportive, stay calm, and learn to recognize what may be affecting your sexual functioning as well as your husbands. But, I must reiterate, it is not unusual for women to sizzle as they get older, especially if they have a positive outlook about aging, and they openly communicate their needs. Please keep me informed as to how you are doing.

Dear Love My Husband,

Thanks for logging onto our site for advice. I've consulted with our medical expert and here is what he has to say regarding your concern:

Enjoying sex more is a good thing, and I'm glad that is the case for you. It's difficult to know what has made such a difference without knowing quite a bit more about both you and your husband. If every other day is working for you as a couple, that is a big increase from once a week and hopefully will allow both of you to feel satisfied without putting a strain on your relationship. While daily intercourse is not rare, most couple have a frequency that is less often than that. So once a day and once a week are both normal frequencies for couples and your husband's testosterone is likely to be normal if he is willing an able to have sex every other day.

Several things might be helpful. One would be talking with a sex therapist as a couple to find what is the optimum number of times per week for you as a couple and to explore together what might have caused this change. Doing so now might help prevent sex from being a pressure for your husband and creating resentment for both of you for opposite reasons. You could also ask your doctor to check your testosterone level and see if there is any increase that is changing your libido. Finally, you could explore masturbation on those days you don't have intercourse to see if that would help relieve tension until the following day when you are planning to have sexual relations together. This is another area that could be explored with a sex therapist. Being patient and working together as a couple is the best way to come to positive solution.

Machelle (Mache) Seibel, MD
Professor,
University of Massachusetts Medical School

I send best wishes your way for a happy holiday season, and look forward to your posts on our bulletin board. Good Health to You,
Karen

We just found out that my husband has "Subclinical Hypothyroidism" (Low thyroid function), so this is contributing to his lower sex drive, his testosterone levels last month was 344 (low normal) this month was 503 (getting better) but these are still low for his age I guess. Encronologist said if his TSH is still a little out of range , his was 4.53 (normal range is ?- 4.50) that she would be giving him a Thyroid pill and hopefully this will boost his testosterone and libito-among other ailments that make him feel like an "old man". He says he is enjoying me this way, he just wishes he felt the same, and hopefully once we get his hormones back in gear, everything should be wonderful. He has other symptoms like headaches, muscle pains, constipation, cold all the time, fatigue, snoring, which all could be attributed to Hypothyroidism. His mom has this condition, been on Synthroid for years. Funny thing is, my husband is THIN, I guess he is a real rarity, getting Thyroid problems, being a man and being Thin. I suspected this could have been his problem.

Finally, someone to talk to about my sex life or should I say I just realized I am not alone as I am in a sexless marriage......I am 49 yrs old and he sleeps on the couch every night and does not even like physical touch, i.e. hugging, kissing, intimacy let alone sex. I am surviving but it is so lonely going to bed alone every night and it has been a year and a half and since he is a severe alcoholic I have accepted this part of my life but sometimes..........it is so lonely and it makes one feel unwanted, unattractive, and out of place. I am attractive, in physical shape and very fun-loving, creative, and love to hike and ride mountain bikes, and I work at a major university but my husband is just like giving up and not even trying to get help for his alcohol problems, his anger, his short temper, his physical health. What's a woman to do?

spirit girl,if you haven't already gone to AA for help in understanding what you can and cannot do to help your spouse click on this link for more information.
http://www.aa.org/lang/en/catalog.cfm?origpage=281&product=22

Update on me, original poster here. More tests revealed his thyroid is fine, his testosterone levels went up a bit (376, 413) a couple months later. I guess these change daily, he is still lower end for his age (45), but I no longer have him on any Sex vitamins (was doing Horny Goat weed, tried Tongkat ali). We now exercise 20 minutes a day, I have him watching his deit better, less sugar, more nuts/meat/eggs, he is feeling better, a little less stressed on the job, and we are having sex every other day faithfully- at least 14 times a month, without a problem. If I want it days in a row, splitting a Viagra always does the trick. Never in our marraige of 18 years did we do it THIS much. I still am mostly the initiator, which is my only complaint, but if I would just leave him alone, I am sure he would come around to me. I just can't keep my hands off of him. Wondering how long this Explosive sex drive is going to last. He says it will be sad when it goes. He basically has to do nothing to me to get me going. All I have to do is "touch him" and I am "Wet". Crazy. He says all of our marriage, I was never like that.

Your sexual response will only go away if you don’t understand why it has recently increased.

You are having such a good sexual response because your ovaries are being hyperstimulated. As your ovaries begin to run out of eggs (fail) they produce less hormones. The pituitary gland, an organ in the brain, detects this change and sends out special hormones to stimulate your ovaries to produce more of both. These two hormones are FSH, follicle stimulating hormone, and LH, luteinizing hormone. This works for a while, until your supply of eggs is exhausted. This hyperstimulation is the ‘last hurrah’ for the ovaries.

This is a good opportunity to see what your ovaries do for you and what you will miss when they fail. Your ovarian hormones not only maintain your sexual function but they also keep your entire body healthier. Without adult levels of your ovarian hormones you will have a medical condition called profound hypogonadism.

To maintain your health you can provide the hormones that your ovaries no longer provide back to your body, which is the treatment for profound hypogonadism.

i am riyaz my english is not well so please help me i am 29 years old before ten years i gote married i have more problem to my sex drive i need to your help give me the best solution. the problem is wen i feel the sex my penis is coming droped and i finsed to very sort like few second . i am tomutch tence before two years going this problem sttel a same please give me a perfect solution this metter thank you

Riyaz, I have moved your post to the "Men's Sexual Health" forum, under the title of Erectile Dysfunction.Here is a link to articles about premature ejaculation that you will find helpful.You should see a Urologist for diagnosis and treatment.
http://www.hisandherhealth.com/mens-sexual-health/premature-ejaculation/index.html

I have a similar problem as lovemyhusband. I was a once a week kind of wife for years and all of a sudden I can't get enough sex. I am 52, still having regular periods. My husband is 47, overweight, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I am also overweight but am on weight watchers and am losing at a slow rate. I think this started because I caught my husband surfing the net for porn and it really bothered me. He said it was because we were not having sex enough. I made a special effort to make myself more available and increase the frequency that we had sex. I think part of my motivation to increase the frequency was insecurity on my part, but now, I think about sex all the time and I would have it morning and night every day. He wants it about every 2.5 days. He says he can't perform more often than that and he feels bad about it. I don't want him to feel bad so I try not to initiate it so often but it is difficult. I hate being the one who always initiates and I feel undesirable. He is trying to lose weight because he thinks this could be a large part of the problem. When we do have sex it is better than ever. He says he is glad that I am so enthusiastic about it now. I feel pushy and I try to hold off so that he can initiate but he rarely does. This has lasted about 6 months so far. I don't want to lose this newfound desire, but I don't want to overwhelm him either.

I don't think you will overwhelm your husband . I am sure he enjoys you being the initiator.Maybe an ok from his doctor for some exercise and weight loss would help his energy level. If you need satisfaction more often you might think about using a vibrator.

LOL, Oh yes, I remember it well - although I didnt know what it was at the time... that was when I first got introduced to the joys of the vibrator

I am glad to hear that I am not the only one going through the same thing I didn't know if it was because the kids are getting older. I just turned 40. I do desire sex more. He used to be after me. I could care less if we did it or not. Before kids I would want to have sex more. Now that I have turned 40 my desire is greater than before having kids.

Okay , This is a little imbarrasing anything on what the man should do while the woman is going through her perimenopause , for the last 6 moths its like once a week , my wife has lost all kind of desire to have sex , i mean I love my wife dearly and yes i understand patience, understanding (read the symptoms alot) comes into the picture, okay how long does this last,i care for my wife we been together for more than 15 years no i'm won't fool around , just need some advice..