His and Her Health

my female partner has been unable to have intercourse for the last 10 years due to health reasons - fibroids and rheumatoid arthritis cause extreme pain. Her doctor said to try lubrication but this has never really helped. I am so frustrated I am planning an affiair with my ex wife. I love my partner in every way but I feel that I just want to experience sex again. The need just keeps getting stronger as I get older and am faced with never having sex again. Its not her fault and she feels depressed about it as well since any sexual activity causes her pain and discomfort. She gags with oral sex and does not want anal sex. I guess I just need some advice.

My Husband & I have not had sex for roughly 2 years, because I experience such pain. I don't have Arthritis or Fibroids, my issue is something else. I love my Husband for being there for me & being so understanding about my problem.
The Doc has not been very forthcoming in fixing the issue.
Your Partner needs your love & understanding during this time.

Wolfgango, I am the "partner" you speak of, in that my husband did just that, largely in part because of my Vestibulitis and our infrequent sex-life: he had an affair. We are divorced now, as the affair was a true pivotal point.

No, I'm not going to try to talk you out of it. Instead, I am urging you to let your female partner go first. -Nothing- is worse than the self-inflicted pain from the aftermath of an affair...this is not just about the obvious emotional pain to your partner, but also to yourself in unforgiving guilt, later on.

Even making the "justifible" excuses won't linger long...that will die out to the cold, brutal reality from your choice of action. Believe me it will.

I'd (somehow) kept a friendship with my ex and in doing so saw his inner-turmoil play out first-hand over the last few years, which is where I'm coming from with all this.

So, the action I urge you to take is simply this: leave your partner first, break up with her first, because if an affair feels unstoppable, at the very least save your partner and yourself the worst kind of inevitable pain that would come very shortly thereafter....

I offer you sincere hugs and wish you the best, as I know you are not a bad person for wanting such sexual desires fulfilled. Of course I do not blame your partner either of what she cannot help, nor do I blame myself for the way I am. I simply hope the path you choose to travel is one that is very carefully, fully thought-out, so the pain that may happen is as little as possible to all involved.

Take care....

An affair is not the solution to the problem, but I do see your frustrations. It sounds like she needs a more thorough examination by a vulvar specialist or someone who specializes in pelvic pain. It could be hormonal, it could be muscular, there could be a strong emotional issue going on, or it could be all of the above. there are many websites that can lead you towards a practitioner that can help narrow down the problem and offer some solutions: www.nva.org, www.pelvicpain.org, www.ica.org, www.apta/womenshealth.org-find a provider.

The sooner you encourage her to take this route the better. good luck

<small>[ 07-30-2009, 11:30 PM: Message edited by: Moderator ]</small>

My wife feels more hurt inside of her vagina after intercourse.We asked her Gyn.doctor.She says there is nothing wrong.She said that this is the stopping time of her period.She is 50.So she would have hurt,etching like that.
But due to hurting my wife is not interested for intercourse.I am very much interested for intercourse.So I am frustrated.I need advice for this problem.Thank you.

ashesh, it sounds like your wife is menopausal.There are things she can do to be more comfortable. Please click on the link I am putting up for lots of information on help for menopausal symptoms. www.redhotmamas.org and www.menopausewise.com .

I'm not sure how to use this page, but I'm desperate for some help and support. I believe I may have vulvar vestibulitis and I'm miserable. I have been to so many doctors and finally this last gyno mentioned this to me. I looked it up and felt as though I was writing it. I am 23 and married only a year ago. I always thought I was just small, tampons were horrible and I could barely touch the area. I was so afraid of sex and talked a lot with my husband before we were married. My wedding night was horrible. It was the most painful thing ever! I thought it was because the hymen was really thick or something so the next morning I faked it and made him penetrate. Literally forced him in. We had to buy the sheets. I bled sooooo much. We were both scared. Since then we have had sex maybe 5 or 6 times in a year. I hate this! I waited 22 years to finally have sex and now I can't. I have a strong drive but it's too painful and my amazingly understanding husband refuses to cause me pain. I am constantly red and irritated and swollen. I have to pee all the time and it burns like no tomorrow. I seriously lay in bed with legs apart and ice on it. I'm not sure what to do next but I really need to find a good support group. This is a very emotional situation and I struggle with what it is doing to my self-esteem and my marriage. Please help!

holliemorey,welcome to our forum we are glad you found us.Did the gyn that mentioned you might have vulvar vestibulitis tell you it could be treated? Here is a link to our website with an article on vestibulitis.Please continue your search for a Vulvar pain specialist who has treated this condition .
http://www.ourgyn.com/content/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=149&Itemid=84

hollie, also do a search with the button at the top of this page. Enter "vestibulitis" and search (all open forums)That should bring up all the posts from others with the same problem. You can read what they did about it.There are 10 pages relating to vestibulitis.

My wife has hurting,itching in her vagina and she has more pain during the intercourse.Her Gyn.Doctor told that her period is going to stop so due to that cause she has these problems.
I agree that her period will be stop soon because she is 50.
But I want to know that after stopping her period,will sexual intercourse be very painfull to her?
Will her vagina always dry?
Is there any good lubricant or cream or some thing ealse for comfortable and joyful intercourse after stopping period?
Can I have very pleasure intercourse like before after stopping her period or not?
Please help me.

ashesh, please click on the link I am putting up and let your wife read the many articles and answers to what she can do to relieve her menopausal symptoms. There are two sites with much information. www.menopausewise.com and www.redhotmamas.org

Hurting and itching can be issues of menopause, but it can also be another issue. She should get a full evaluation from a Gyn that specializes in vulvovaginal disorders or pelvic pain.

<small>[ 08-09-2009, 08:07 PM: Message edited by: Moderator ]</small>

My wife is still nursing. We think that's why intercourse hurts her. We have tried many different lubes, but none of them seem to help. It was like that when she was nursing our 1st child, so soon after she stopped nursing our 1st child, intercourse no longer hurt her. This time around with our second child, she has been nursing for almost 2 and a half years. For some reason she doesn't seem to want to wean her. We have not tried to have sex for a year and I'm getting a little frustrated. I have tried to talk to her about weaning our 2 year old but she is not very responsive when I talk to her. I have been trying not to let this put a strain on our relationship, but I think it's starting to. I love my wife so much and I have always been so attracted to her physically and mentally, but I have found myself feeling less attracted to her and I feel so bad about that. Any advice would be appreciated very much.
Thanks