His and Her Health

I'll try to be as conscious as possible. I'm 47 and my fiancé is 31 and I'm very active sexually and she claims that sex is not what it's crack up to be. In short, she can and has gone without sex for over six months. She rarely masturbates either.<BR> <BR>I'm her third engagement and she has not gone through with the previous two. She lost her virginity at 18 and has only had sex with 6 men including me. She is a Protestant and, according to her, her parents, brothers older brothers ( one is a pastor) believes she is still a virgin. She doesn't like to kiss, have frequent sex, nor give oral sex, although she enjoys receiving them. She claims that she will only give oral sex to the person she will marry and thus far, she did it to me once driving and at home when she was "drunk." She also suffers from several psychological issues:<BR>I believe she has A.D. D. ( Attention deficit syndrome ) <BR>She is "excessive-compulsive" in the areas of shopping, gambling and flushing toilet ( even at her own apartment) on an hourly basis. She will refuse to sit on public bathrooms and will use a paper towel to touch anything in the public rest rooms. <BR>She is a germ phobic, she doesn't want to "kiss" (only when she is drunk ) nor perform oral sex for this reason. She will insists on two separate straws to share a drink from fear of contracting a disease.<BR>In addition, she does not like public display of affection, will not cheat with a married man, nor have a relationship with someone at work. She had made this an iron rule and discouraged our relationship because of all of the above. I was married and worked on a same project with her when we first met. I like to hold hands or kiss in public, but she doesn't.<BR> <BR>One day she informed me that she had kissed a married executive at our company at a company wide meeting in Orlando Fl. three years ago. He was married and this took place at a pool side at 2 AM in the morning. She did this for two straight nights. I wasn't pleased to hear about this given the lecture she was giving me about our relationship, but she assured me it was only a kiss while she was with her prior boyfriend.<BR> <BR>The other night, under the influence of alcohol, I encouraged her to disclose more about the relationship ( by this time we were engaged ). She said that she was not drunk, allowed him to fondle her breasts and to touch her virgina, all at the pool side. I talked to her about this the other night and her reply was as follows:<BR> <BR>He was separated and not married <BR>Although he was with the same company, they never worked together <BR>It was past two AM and no one was there, thus it was not a public display of affection <BR>Kissing also includes petting the breast and touching the virgiana.<BR>I got upset with her and accused her of her lying to me. I believe that her sexual issues is at the heart of this. She is very attractive and has a nice figure and is very smart ( she is a mensa). Many men are intrigued by her and have approached her during and away from work.<BR> <BR>I believe that I'm working with a "time bomb" and that I should move on, but wanted to seek professional opinion on this matterb

Hi<BR>I can read that you are frustrated, I don't think you should give up on anything yet. Remember she was drunk when you asked her and when people are drunk they dont make sence of anything. Do you ever remember being drunk and screwing up a story or being confussed? I think what you did was wrong, you went (in a way) behind her back and asked her things when she was drunk. Do you not trust to ask her stuff when she is sobber? I hope I don't sound like I'm upset with you. I just want to say that you can't use what a drunk person says, because what they are saying doesn't even make sence to them. I'm sure shes been honest with you with what she believes in. I do think that the way she was raised has a huge effect on the way she is now. It does on everybody. If you love her and it sounds like you do because you wouldn't be crying out for help. (I'm not really sure what the problem is) Talk to each other how you feel about each other and ger professional help together. Not on here, although its nice to have someone to talk to. And we only hear your side. But to theripst, a couple theripist. It will be worth it because you guys will then figure out where you really stand and what the problem really is. Does this help you?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by SirHumpsAlot:<BR><B>Hi<BR>I can read that you are frustrated, I don't think you should give up on anything yet. Remember she was drunk when you asked her and when people are drunk they dont make sence of anything. Do you ever remember being drunk and screwing up a story or being confussed? I think what you did was wrong, you went (in a way) behind her back and asked her things when she was drunk. Do you not trust to ask her stuff when she is sobber? I hope I don't sound like I'm upset with you. I just want to say that you can't use what a drunk person says, because what they are saying doesn't even make sence to them. I'm sure shes been honest with you with what she believes in. I do think that the way she was raised has a huge effect on the way she is now. It does on everybody. If you love her and it sounds like you do because you wouldn't be crying out for help. (I'm not really sure what the problem is) Talk to each other how you feel about each other and ger professional help together. Not on here, although its nice to have someone to talk to. And we only hear your side. But to theripst, a couple theripist. It will be worth it because you guys will then figure out where you really stand and what the problem really is. Does this help you?</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I went to see her for a week and just returned and I'm ready to throw in the towel. She was very stressed at work and other personal issues and we got into a big fight. She then begins telling me that the spark is not there anymore, that we are so incompatible and that she wants someone that is more independent that me ( think of her too much according to her ) yet be there for her always and have her as first priority... She says our age difference is too huge and she's got zero sex drive. She's too embarrased to seek professional help for her zero sex drive and can not be sure why she feels this way about me. She says I deserve better than what she can give me. Just before I left to come home, she said that the lack of attraction or chemistry is now and she has felt is before. It sounds like on and off depending on her mood and stress level. Do you think this is stressed related or she really needs pshchological and sexual help? Or is this the way she is telling me that she wants to break up? If so, I offered a breakup as a solution and her point, after getting around to it, was that I often go to conclusions. She wanted to tell me how she felt so that she could be honest with me. I'm totally confused and frustrated now. For the moment, I've decided not to call her and leave her alone. Need your thoughts.<BR>

You are certainly in a mess! GEE--you need to be in much prayer concerning all of this...and then ....<P>1st, do you really love her and are you willing to go through WHATEVER it takes to have a relationship with her. <P>2nd, she needs counceling. She evidently has some issues that she is not dealing with. More than that, she may not even know herself what those issues are. <P>3rd, you need to be her friend and not have any pressures or sexual relationships with her until these issues are worked through. This will take a very long time, possibly years. Are you will to wait? Are you willing to be her friend? <P>4th, Once she is dealing with these issues and has a grip - the two of you need counceling. You came from a broken marriage and I am SURE that it was not 100% your ex-wife's fault. You two need to deal with issues such as expectations and so forth BEFORE you commit to spend your lives together. Otherwise, you will likely be in a cycle that repeats itself and that would not be good for anyone involved. <P>5th, finally, if you have children you need to not have them involved in this until you have a good foundation. Right now, your children do not need to see all of this. They do not need to be involved with another woman that might possibly drop right out of their lives. Your commitment is to those children first.<P>

Thank you for your thoughts. When I go through these ups and downs, it's hard to see how I truly feel about her. She was visiting getting together with several girl friends over July 4th in a nearby city and planned to visit me on July 5th for 5 days. She was very sweet, affectionate-as she can be, and wanted to be intimate on day one. In fact she wanted to be intimate with me just as much as I did. That surprised me. She would refer to me as "honey" every time should opened her mouth. She changed her flight 5-6 times ( because of severe sun burn at first ) and then at either of us's urging. She spent 15 days with me before leaving several days ago. She has called me everyday since and sometimes refer to me as "honey" onn the phone. She showed a lot of initiatives in getting intimate. Although I'm happy about the outcome, I'm not sure if it's real or not. As for my former wife not being 100% responsible, I totally agree. No one has ever heard me say a bad thing about her. In fact, I'm more sensitive and considerate about other's feelings ( over work for example ) so that I will not make the same mistake again. My current feels that I'm too sensitive because of it. I agree that she may need counseling, but it's this unpredictability that is concerning me. I'm not sure if I'm ready to commit to this relationship on the long run. It's terrible to say, but that's how I feel.