His and Her Health

I'm 22 turning 23 and for the past three 1/2 years I've had problems with wanting to have sex. At 15, 2 months before my 16th birthday I was raped by my long time boyfriend. I stayed with him for 10 more months because I felt that I needed to marry him because he took something from me that was special. I finally got through to my self that I didn't love him and what he did was wrong and I didn't have to marry him. Anyway, after it happened and I broke up with him, I was a sex machine, but only with my boyfriends. I went from man to man to man. I would count how much I did it and came up with a max of 248 times in one month. Before my current boyfriend I had a 6 month break, realizing that I needed to get myself together and that I had not been alone since it happened. In that time I was more than happy with not having sex. I cannot "be with myself", it just doesn't work for me.
I've been to group sessions, I've spoken to people, and I was even seeing a psychologist who specialized in those kinds of things. I saw her for four years, and finally I realized I was as good as I was gonna get with being raped.
My boyfriend came along and we started a relationship. This is around the same time I started to see that therapist i was talking about. I don't want to have sex. I am simply not interested. Once it gets going and its inside Ill enjoy it, but only to an extent. Also, 99.9% of the time I have to wait for him to climax before I can. Sex to me feels like a chore, something I dread having to do because it feels like a waste of my time, resources, energy, etc. I love my boyfriend and i want to make him happy. But we only have sex once a month, if he's lucky he'll get it twice a month. He's very patient and knows my situation and how I've tried to get help. I even tried natural vitamins to try and stimulate my libido, but nothing. I feel so inadequate and incomplete, like I'm not a real woman and I feel like a burden to my boyfriend, even though he tells me he loves me and says its okay.

Gina J.your problems have not been resolved even though you say you have been to all the counseling.However long ago it was you still need to see a rape counselor again.

I've seen a rape counselor for years. I highly doubt I need to keep seeing one for the rest of my life. I've even spoken to my rapist about what happened and spoke to my therapist about speaking to him. I am over that. I just need to know why all of a sudden, 3 boyfriends after the rape and 7 yeas later why do I not have any urge to have sex?

In seven years the body chemistry can change. It might be a good idea to have your hormone levels evaluated by your Gyn.

Hi Karma,
Figuring out how to increase the female sex drive is complicated because the desire to make love is influenced by so many factors including physical, emotional, relationship satisfaction, and the setting you are in, Possible causes of low sex drive in women include stress or anxiety, medications (anti-depressants, birth control pills) complexity of health issues (Diabetes, MS, cancer) and fatigue.

Of course, you should talk with your doctor. But here is a list of possible steps you can take:
• Have your doctor check your thyroid function.
• Check out the side effects of any medications that you may be taking.
• Hormone Therapies
• Localized estrogen therapy - Placing estrogen directly into the vagina soothes vaginal tissue, and allows the secretions necessary for comfortable sex . . They are available as suppository tablets, creams, or "rings," which sit inside the vagina and give off small doses of the hormone over time.
• Compounded testosterone cream. Some pharmacies that make medicine from scratch offer testosterone creams and gels, but you'll need a doctor's prescription. .
• Vitamin E. When used locally in the vagina it can help rehydrate tissue and may possibly increase sensation.
• Zestra. Two, placebo-controlled studies published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy showed that this proprietary blend of botanicals (including borage seed and evening primrose oils, Angelica root and vitamins C and E) provided a significant increase in arousal, desire, genital stimulation, ability to orgasm and pleasure. The treatment also worked equally well on women using SSRI antidepressant medicines.