His and Her Health

can someone please help as when talking to me husband and with other women, and reading books about sex, it came to me that well before we try to start on the lack of orgasm for me, that we should start at the beginning, but i have no idea what arousal is or what i should be feeling, which after 27 yrs being with my husband came as one heck of a surprise for him, but im being honest, i really dont know, can someone please give me some advice as to what or when it might happen?

Hope this might help u sis

sexualhealthmatters.blogspot.com/2008/05/lack-of-orgasm.html

<small>[ 05-24-2008, 03:56 AM: Message edited by: Moderator ]</small>

We have been married just about 50 years....We are more sexual now than we were the day we were married...Don't ask me why because I just don't know...I believe all women can be sexual and enjoy our true sexuality...Because of this site helping me out, near three years ago, I eventually started my own blog site...It is bold as it is a story of who we sexually are..I guess I go into all phases of sex but that is what a woman is....I can say without a doubt that this year alone between a couple sites where I drop a blog and my site that over one million of my blogs will be read. This number is much higher as I am only counting the number that enter my site and not the pages that are read. One woman summed it up when she wrote me and said, "you give me hope".....

My site address is at the top of this post...It is the little house box and just click on it....May I take the opportunity of thanking the Moderator and staff at this site for helping me along when I needed it...Many thanks...Caroline

i have tried the site you have mentioned and elsewhere trying to find out anythingabout arousal but cant find a single thing that refers to it, everywhere just makes assumptions that you know and feel that and it takes it al for granted, what happens then to the likes of me?

Here is a website I found with a discription of arousal. Don't let the name of the website throw you.
natamcancer.org/sexuality-body.html

Be sure to read the whole answer.

ok thanks for that, but that leads me to another question then if you dont mind? what is being turned on? i read that article you gave me, but once again its takes things so much for granted that one would feel things normally, i just dont have any reaction to anything he does in sensation wise to my body, i even have to rely on him telling me if im wet enough for anything else and that is a rare event we ususally end up having to use lube, and seeing as i have always been this way i have nothing to go by for what would be a normal bodily reaction

You may need to see your GYN to have your testosterone levels checked.

i have had that done and even tho my levels where ok we tried me on some testosterone implants over a period of 6 months it got from the lowest does tothe highest and i had to ask her what on earth this was meant to be doing other than giving me scars on my tummy!!! needless to say it made no difference at all

In order for you to experience arousal and orgasm you need to first understand your body/anatomy and how to please yourself. Before you run off getting tested, buy some books and or videos about self-stimulation, like Becoming Orgasmic, by Julia Heiman and explore vibrators as well. I would recomend a small clitoral stimulation device like the Pocket Rocket to start. Once you've spent some time doing that, get back to us and we'll go to step two. Good luck and enjoy. You're worth it.

i have so many books and vibs i could open a shop!! i still dont feel anything or know if or what arousal is? the vibs just plain buzz thats all

i even went to new york a while back to learn from betty dodson, and i have her books too but once again i came home and hadnt learnt a thing at all, i just dont know or see how i can go any further without knowing when or if im aroused, isnt that meant to be the first stage of things?

ok still waiting for step two here!!!

I would forget about vibrators and attempts at direct stimulation of your genital area for the time being. You've already said you've been diagnosed with vestibulitis or vulvodynia (not sure). I would start with simple making out with your husband for a long time, getting into that, nothing more. Make the ambience comfortable and romantic/sexy and just make out. A person doesn't have to have genital stimulation to feel aroused. That part comes later, once you're already aroused by other intimate things like kissing, touching other parts of your body, etc. It's a slow build up.

Have you ever been into making out with your husband or anyone else before him? If not, then I would start there with asking why.

By the way, it may just be that you are not interested in sex. Simple as that. That doesn't make you abnormal. Just part of a continuum. What is bothering you is that you are distressed about it, only because you feel different as you compare yourself to "everyone else" you think is highly sexual. But believe me, there is a significant percentage of the population that simply does not have any interest in sex and they get along just fine without feeling abnormal.

i think i will wait til dr berman gets back to me with step 2 thanks.