His and Her Health

I am 44 and having a serious problem acheiving an orgasm. I have been this way ever since I started having sex. I do get aroused and lubracated. but as sex progresses I get very dry.Even after using a lubracant I still do not reach orgasm with my partner. I have masterbated with my hand but do not acheive orgasms that way either. I have and do use viberators a few times a month and do have an orgasm that way. I have been with my boyfriend 6 months and have had 1 orgasm by penatration and it was great I might add. But it is getting very frustrating and causes me not to want to have sex sometimes. I do seem to feel some gratification after sex with him, but not like I do when I have an orgasm. I have to say I rarely acheive orgasms and don't know what to do.I have not talked to a doctor about this yet. Really didn't know what type of doctor to seek. I am desprate...please help me....

I hate to break it to you, but you are perfectly normal and typical. More than half of all women do not have vaginal orgasms, orgasms resulting from penetration. Women generally do have clitoral orgasms.<P>I have two suggestions--first off, are you using the vibrator during sex? I would save the vibrator for sex and practice using your hands when you masturbate.<P>Also, how much foreplay do you have during sex? You may not be getting properly warmed up before penetration.<P>Finally, if you are using your vibrator to have orgasms during sex and are getting plenty of quality foreplay in addition, and you are still having problems with lubrication, you might want to have your estrogen levels checked. There's an estrogen ring, I forget the name, that might help. But rule out the foreplay issue first.

I'm not sure, but I think you may have misunderstood the poster slightly, Zane. I don't think she's necessarily indicating that 'orgasm by penetration' means a *vaginal* orgasm. I suspect she's looking for pointers on achieving a clitoral orgasm through intercouse. Your advice still applies, but maybe there's more to add. Isn't there a book or technique you've recommended in the past for acheiving clitoral orgasms through intercourse?<P>Do I have it right, lilbit? (Wouldn't be the first time I had it all backwards )

Zane there are times he doesn't give enough foreplay, but even when I do receive enough I still get dry. As for vaginal orgasm I by penatration I have had them but very few times. Lucy is right about clitoral orgasms.I just can't seem to have them during sex.No matter what position we use I can seem to climax.As for the vibrator I went years without one and trying by hand just didn't work. I have gotton so frustrated lately during sex that is is causing us trouble in our relationship. He feels I do not want to have sex with him because of the lubracation issue. And it's not that I am not turned on I just can't seem to get wet and stay that way. Please tell me about the book Lucy is talking about and where to purchase it...thank you

Lilbit, please do what you can to reassure your partner that lubrication does not equal arousal, especially as we age. My husband and I can have lots of foreplay, and I'm at the 'oh-give-it-to-me-baby' stage of arousal, and there is still not enough natural lubrication for initial penetration. There's plenty of causes for this, and plenty of lubes you can buy to compensate. I know men think they're not doing their job if you're not dripping wet, but it's just not so. You'll have to convince him of this somehow. Keep trying and keep talking to your man about the situation. Let him know he's doing Ok and find ways you can both improve.<BR>

Language can be a little fuzzy. First off, absolutely do not feel bad that you can't have a clitoral orgasm during penetration. Very, very few women can and the women who can are the ones who can very easily have clitoral orgasms during sex from manual or oral stimulation. If you are one of the lucky women who can easily clitorally orgasm, the trick is to get right close to having one and then quickly start having sex in a particular position, missionary riding high, known as the "coital alignment technique." But that's a pretty advanced maneuver requiring a hair-trigger clitoris. I've never been able to have one that way and I consider myself pretty sexually advanced. The typical way women have clitoral orgasms during sex is through manual or oral stimulation. Our bodies are just not made to have clitoral orgasms during intercourse.<P>If you like you can increase your chances of having vaginal orgasms by following my diet. Or you could get one of those nifty strap-on clitoral stimulators that allows vaginal access so you can orgasm during penetration. For example, the Eggstasy Pouch will hold a bullet vibe at the key spot hands-free.<P>As for the lube issue, I'm trying to remember the estrogen ring thingie's name. A quick google search turned up Estring, Femring and Vagifem. Check with your doctor.

thank you again Lucy and Zane for responding..as for the strap on or vibrators I still haven't convince my boy friend that it's normal and fun to use them during sex...He is a little reserved ..I guess you could say he comes from the old school...lol...He thinks if he can't turn me on and keep me dripping wet he isn't doing his job..I try to tell him it's not him but he thinks it is...To tell you the truth I fake orgasms so he doesn't get so frustrated ...he already is about the lube issue...The thing is ..he does turn me on but I am at my wits end...I have got him to try new things as far as sex goes...and at times I do feel satisfied after sex...in which is strange to me since I don't have orgasms ...I know that may sound quite funny ..but I do....then there are times I get so frustrated I just want to scream at him..I won't say exactly what I would like to scream...but damn..I get so frustrated...it drives me crazy sometimes...I really don't know how to get him to open up to me about sex...I grew up in a house where you didn't even say the word sex...much less take openly about it...but once I was grown and married I tried to be as open about it as I could...even though at times it was tough...But he is worse than I ever thought about being...Can you make any suggestions on this matter also....