His and Her Health

Hello All! I'm so glad I found this site. This isn't a subject I feel I can discuss with my friends so I'm thrilled I have somewhere to talk about it.<P>History: I'm 24, married in October to my significant other of 5 years. He's my only sexual partner and made the experience wonderful for me. He's 36 and has had other partners. I'm currently on wel-butrin and bc (lo-estrin) sp? In the beginning our sex life was wonderful but after a while my sex drive started decreasing. When that started happening it was around the time I was also having narcoleptic tendencies which were causing problems with college, driving and other daily activities. I credited the sex drive problems to all of the stress and fatigue involed with the doctor visits, sleep labs, new medications and everything else going on. After more than a year of dealing with that and getting my sleeping problems regulated I still had no sex drive. I switched from Prozac to wel-butrin, I read numerous books, I switched the type of bc I was on. I think the wel-butrin made a small improvement but it wasn't the breakthrough I was looking for. Things were improving a little but after the wedding I had post-wedding depression (which I'm told is normal) then the holiday season started. <P>Jump to last night, I get home from work and he wanted to make love before we go to a party. I didn't think we had enough time because I would have to take a shower and get ready all over again. He said I'm not trying anymore. I got upset and started crying. He said I always cry, why can't I just talk about it without getting so upset. I got more upset because I know it's my fault and wonder why I can't fix it. He got frustrated and gave up trying to talk to me. Then he left for the party without offering to wait on me to calm down and go. I got angry becasue he brought it up on New Year's Eve, then guilty because it wouldn't be an issue if I had a sex drive, then frustrated that I have this problem when it appears others around me have normal sex lives, then sheer exhaustion. I wake up this morning and he slept in the guest bedroom last night. I haven't even spoken to him today becuase he's avoided completely.<P>So, here I am trying to gather information to go to yet another doctor's appointment to try and adress the issue again. We don't want children so I'm wondering if we should move up his surgery so I can get off bc (we were planning on the surgery this summer). I need to seek out a therapist that specializes in sex therapy. Maybe I should try another anti-depressant. That may compound things because it takes a while to get regulated on a new medication...I guess the first step is to see the doctor. :confusion:<P>I'm sorry I went on and on. It just feels good to get it out. I should have found a forum a long time ago. I feel better knowing that someone understands. Thanks for listening!!!<P>Looking for a break in the clouds<BR>Ladybug00

You did not go on and on. any chance since some time has gone by that you and your husband can sit down to discuss these issues? This is not your issue to deal with on your own but this is a couples issue and the first step is good communication. Both of you may need a therapist, but this is an issue the two of you need to work on together.<P>Hope this helps

PS you spoke of making another drs appt--does your husband go with you to these appts?

Here's a "canned" reply to many posts that I often post.<P>You have already answered many of the questions here, but give it a quick read.<P>---<BR>Before you post your first question, we thought we'd give you some pointers.<P>If you're asking about FSD issues, we need to know as much of the following as possible.<P><BR>Age? <BR>Pre/Peri/Post Menapause?<BR>Birth Control (Type, length of time you've been taking it etc.)<BR>Any Sexual Abuse?<BR>Children<BR>Medications (Birth-control, Anti-depressants etc)<BR>Spouse/Partner Relationship Health?<BR>History of the FSD issue, pre and post FSD if possible.<BR>What things you've tried.<BR>What you *think* might be the problem.<BR>Blood hormone levels done? Give us the results and norm ranges from the tests. (Make sure you get a full copy of all results and norm ranges.) <P><BR>Also, the first three or four books on this list would be really helpful to you. You should really consider getting them.<P>(Here's only a partial list)<BR>I'm Not in the Mood: What Every Woman Should Know about Improving Her Libido, by Judith Reichman - Score, 9/10 <BR>Hot Monogamy: Essential Steps to More Passionate, Intimate Lovemaking, by Patricia Love - Score 7/10 <BR>Passionate Marriage: Love, Sex, and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships, by David Schnarch - Score 8/10 <BR>Natural Hormone Balance for Women: Look Younger, Feel Stronger, and Live Life with Exuberance by Uzzi Reiss - Score N/A <BR>The Hormone of Desire :the truth about sexuality, menopause, and testosterone by Susan Rako - Score N/A (Older book, Copyright 1996) <P>You might do some browsing first, as you may find an an answer to your question without using the time of the members of the board. We've got limited time, and are happy to answer questions, but often the same questions are asked over and over. Probably there's a thread we've already answered that will be very similar to yours. <P>Ok, now you're ready to post.<P>Thanks for reading this first!<BR>---<P>Next, what kind of provider are you seeing - are they a specialist in FSD issues?<P>Have you considered getting a hormone blood workup done? I'd certainly consider getting Total and Free Testosterone done, as well as some other tests.<P>you can email me<BR>Thanks,<BR>Greg<P>[This message has been edited by distressed_12345 (edited 02 January 2003).]<P><BR>*NOTE: An e-mail address is often provided in the poster's profile.<P>[Note: This message has been edited by NEWSHE Moderator]<P>It's amazing how the moderation rules change from day to day...<P>There's more information about blood-work and such at the website listed in my profile too.<P><BR>[This message has been edited by distressed_12345 (edited 02 January 2003).]<P><BR>[Note: This message has been edited by NEWSHE Moderator]<P>Such fun this is - evidently, one can't even post a link to their *own* profile here at newshe. (Perhaps some guidelines where one *can* link to would be in order. It seems, as a rule, unless it's somewhere that supports Berman's et al, one can go suck eggs...and that's unfortunate. We're only trying to provide the best information available and let the user choose - perhaps Berman's et al think that's not in the patient's best interest.)<P>You can find the profile by clicking on the first "icon" to the right of the posting date at the top of my post - it looks like a head with a question mark.<P>*NOTE: The information above is the correct way to find your e-mail link. Not as a direct link in your post.<P>[This message has been edited by distressed_12345 (edited 02 January 2003).]<BR><p>[Note: This message has been edited by NEWSHE Moderator]

Great last reply, here is something to put a smile on your face -- well possibly. <P>I have a low libido - God it's like a n AA meeting ( joke).<P>Anyway my H went home to his folks for Christmas and I stayed home. No arguments just the way we work most years as its easier to cover both families. But I digress. he was away for 5 days. When he got back it was like low libido no never. <P>Not full SI, another problem with me, but good for both of us. Fine from Friday until Tuesday. Then I was on the couch at a mates and he was else where in their house. Again no argument they had a single and a couch I chose the latter knowing i'd get more sleep than he would. Wednesday too tired. Thursday not interested.<P>What is the diff between this week and last ? <P>I can only put it down to eating well but not at strict times or poss worrying about work something has just shut the juices down.<P>You have to laugth or you would cry. Talk to your H and help him to learn when its a good time and when not. Get him along to any Dr's you are seeing. Get him involved. Help him to see it is not him - the person- that you love him but you have this thing and you both need to work on it.<P>Chin up.<P>Does any one know what the clear up rate is on this bulletin board by the way ? <BR><p>[This message has been edited by LL (edited 03 January 2003).]

Thanks for all of the advice, stories and encouraging words. It's great to have a place to talk about it to others who understand. I felt so much better after getting it all out. I can't begin to describe the tremendous emotions released after writing that post. Maybe many of you know what I'm talking about.<P>Anyway, we talked things through and we are doing better. It's going to take work but we both realize that and are more than willing. He's been incredibly patient since the beginning of this problem and he just reached a breaking point. I understand his frustration and emotions and he has a better understanding of what I'm feeling. Getting everything out in the open did us a lot of good.<P>I'm having bloodwork done tomorrow and I'm working on getting a referral for a specialist. I'm going in armed with all of the information I've gathered and it feels good to be informed.<P>Thanks again guys!<BR>Ladybug