His and Her Health

Hi!
I'm a 20 year old female. I’ve been obsessed with sex in an academic sense for the last six years. Although I ran out of the room crying in my first two sex-ed classes (in fifth and eighth grade), starting in high school I've tried to learn all I can about sex. I’m a sexuality minor. The problem is I’m a virgin, and I don’t ever imagine losing my virginity. I'm not sure why though. I think other people should have physical parts to relationships, but I don't think that way about myself.
I’ve only had two boyfriends. The first was in high school and although I loved him and trusted him I could only bear to let him finger me once and it was very painful. My second boyfriend I let finger me, but it was always painful. Eventually it wasn't always painful. Instead I felt nothing. He tried to perform oral on me a few times but I got no sensation out of it so I stopped letting him even try. We broke up because I wouldn’t let him touch me or touch him after he got too close while dry humping which I only did to make him feel good because I never had any feelings from it. Kissing and touching get me lubricated without any feelings. Making out bores me. The only time I would initiate anything is if I’m drunk, but there is still no feeling. Gyno visits hurt, but everything seems fine. I’m too embarrassed to actually ask about pleasure. Masturbating feels good (not great or wonderful), but I’ve never climaxed. Could something be wrong or is this just how I am? How do I stop thinking about sex so much?
Thanks for reading all of it. Sorry it's so long.

KK, relax. You're doing fine. As I'm sure you are learning in your classes, finding your sexuality is an internal individual journey of discovery unique to each person. As we mature, overcoming the mindset that sex is bad, instilled in us as children to protect our virtue, happens when we want to be closer and experience deeper intimacy with someone. Right now, you're focussing on the intellectual aspects of sex, I'll bet you will meet someone with which you will really want to delve into the experiential aspects of sexuality. Until then, why not concentrate on soothing and pleasurable time with yourself and feeling sexual. Finding those sexual feelings within yourself, and discovering what it is like to feel like a sexy woman can then be connected with the physical pleasure producing parts of your body. I remember feeling frustrated as you do before I found my sexuality (I'm 46), but believe me, this is a very special journey of discovery that you're on. As long as you don't think there's been any history of sexual abuse, it will come. If you think there was, then you should probably seek a counselor to work through any psychological roadblocks that may exist. You want to build on the experience that you have with kissing and touching, that's your starting point. Some of the most erotic experiences I've had came from light, sensitive caressing that never ended in a sexual act. It would be good to give this to yourself until someone special comes along to explore with.