His and Her Health

It is assumed by many that people over 50 have the freedom to conduct their sex life pretty much as they want it, since there are no longer any children in the house. Unfortunately that's not the case with us. I am 53 and my husband 56, we have our 21 year old son still living at home. Why is he still there? Many reasons, both financial and mental...he is on the autism spectrum, it is mild, but enough to mean that he is not really ready for total independence yet; he is also at university, so studying is important, as is stability of environment; he doesn't "live away" during term-time.
Naturally, with him in the adjoining bedroom of a fairly small house, we have to restrict our sex life to something like between 3 and 5 in the morning; and keep pretty quiet about it, too. We can't of course, have sex anywhere else except our own bedroom. We are rarely alone, as a couple, even during holiday times; our son has few friends and rarely goes out (mainly due to his social awkwardness).
I am not sure how much longer this can go on. Although sex is ok, my husband's drive is now lower than mine (mainly due to the fact that for some reason, mine has increased during my peri-menopausal phase); and at 3 in the morning it is understandable that he wants to just sleep, not be poked awake by me! Sex is therefore very measured, always the same thing, same place, same time, can't really relax mentally. I also feel that his interest may be declining further, as a result of these restrictions, and he isn't getting any younger. It could be years before we are "free" in the way people normally imagine 50year olds to be.

A tough situation. Are there any relatives or friends that could invite your son for a night stay over at their house?

Regrettably, not really. My mother in law is 81, that's the only person nearby....and my son doesnt get on with her, especially since she's in denial of his mild autism problem. I have no living relatives, so can't use anyone there.....and it's not the sort of thing that is easily "engineered". I can't see a way out.

You should try to get him involved in something fun, something outside of school which would help him with social interactions, give him something to do and get him out of the house more! Perhaps the school has something like a sport, volunteering, a club etc, some even have programs for those with handicaps. I would contact the school to start, and see if there's an student association or something you could be referred to, or check in the community. Just a thought

We have 6 kids at home & we have sex 4 times a week, just shut the door, put on the TV or some music--unless you are really loud about it. I would not allow children at home to stop us in any way. And you are right, men loose their drive as they age, so don't wait! I can see what you mean about other places in the house -how that is a problem, but the time, in the bedroom, ANYTIME as long as you have a door ! Got for it. At your son's age, he should know his parents are having some fun.

No, men do NOT lose their sex drive as they age -- not as a rule. There is too much variation for this kind of rule to be useful to any particular person in any situation, such as "hurry while he's young and still has a drive". It may be misleading if not completely incorrect for a particular person.

For example, for a long time, I bought into the rule about women that they peak sexually at 40. That wisdom turned out to be TOTAL BALONEY in my marriage. By the time my wife hit 40, her sex drive had gone from small to absolutely zero, and has been at zero for the last 12 years.

I'm in my late 50's and I still have about the same drive I had as a teenager, and it shows no sign of dropping off. It is only with great bewilderment that I read here about those men who have wives who are more interested in sex than they are. Perhaps based on my experience, or by comparison to myself, I see women's sex drives as fragile and subject to moods, and not lasting long in a relationship. My sex drive has been high and constant, without fail, for many decades, since my early teens.

One of my fantasies is going on a secret 2-week vacation in Bermuda with a high-energy, fun-loving and communicative woman who would enjoy having sex 2-4 times a day. But again, that's why it's a fantasy -- I don't think such a woman exists.