His and Her Health

Hello Everyone,

My fiance and I only have sex when I initiate it and she refuses to let me pleasure her in any way. She lets me have selfish sex every time we have sex and if I don't finish fast enough it starts to hurt her. I do not have a huge penis but it is not small either...and I have even tried to use some lubricant to encourage some playful sex so that she can get into it but she refuses and tells me that she just wants me to get off ( climax ) and not her. I have also tried to encourage sexual positions that I know used to make her climax and she refuses and wants to only have it one way ( dog position ). We used to have sex all the time and she would always like to get off and I would enjoy pleasing her in anyway that I could and that she asked because I love to please a woman ( my woman ) and have her climax before me, this excellent sex life lasted for about 3 years but it's gone now and I'm the only one left with the sex drive to continue this lifestyle. I've been in a relationship with my fiance for about 6 years now and we recently got engaged.

I know that women go through problems emotionally and have things that they hold inside but we have not gone through serious enough problems to encourage this behavior. This all started about 3 years ago but recently her Father passed away ( 9 months ago ) and I have not bothered her about this because one would agree that loosing a parent would be enough to trigger low sex drive but like I said this started 3 years ago.

I'm confused because I am a loving and caring person who is in love with my little beautiful woman but I feel like I want to leave her sometimes just because we don't have that passionate sex anymore...it feels one sided even though she lets me have sex with her about 85% to 90% of time when I ask, but that's the problem because it's all me and about me all the time and I hate it. I want to be allowed to please my woman and have that mutual climax sex session at least half of the times we have sex. That's all I want.

Is she losing interest in me? I'm confused and need to get to the bottom of it because we are looking for home to purchase as we speak and she is looking to be pregnant very soon and I don't want to be stuck in a dead end marriage. Help.

I'm not sure if this is the right forum for my questions :confused:

Hi CLK,

I think that this would be a good time to go to see a highly trained couples/sex therapist. The problem won't go away on its own. I suspect that there is something in your honey's past that is blocking her at this point. Something went wrong --and it's too scary to be sexually connected to someone with whom she is emotionally connected.
When a relationship is new, sometimes, the hormones and the excitement of the newness override old issues with fear of attachment. But as the relationship becomes more serious, more stable, old learning about relationships being dangerous comes into play.

Take a look at the model of Milestones of Sexual Development on my website SexSmart.com and see if anything clicks for her. Clearly, you two care deeply for one another. But having this kind of one-sided, mercy sex, constantly, for a lifetime, won't work.

For sex therapists, go to www.aasect.org.

Aline Zoldbrod Ph.D.

Thanks Aline,

I'll look at the website and see what I can come up with. I think I would have to go to the sex therapist alone first though.