His and Her Health

My fiance has recently confessed to me that he has an addiction to porn. He said that he has been using porn as a source to cure boredom since he was 14 years old; he is now 24. When he admitted this to me, I was shocked since we have problems in the bedroom. Since we have been together, my fiance either has problems getting an erection and/or premature ejaculation. The first time that we had sex, he could not get hard. After 1/2 an hour of trying, he finally got hard but I lost interest. I didn't have the heart to tell him, so I faked an orgasm so he would stop. He never had an orgasm that night.

We have been together for a year, and in this time I have only brought him to orgasm once by manaul/oral stimulation and it took over 20 minutes. He says he just received too much oral sex when he was younger and is now immune to it. He stopped masturbating since it takes 15-30 minutes to have an orgasm.

I feel like he has no interest in me sexually and is not attracted to me. Now knowing that he is addicted to porn, I blame myself for not doing more to keep him interested in me. I find myself withdrawing and I am not interested in having sex with him or having him touch me. However, since I have a very high sex drive I have to masterbate several times a day while he is gone so that I can release that tension.

I'm not sure where to begin and how to help our situation.

I'm not sure how to help him with the porn addiction, but I do know how to help with his obvious deathgrip masturbation issue. He should get a Fleshlight and only masturbate using that; it will help him resensitize. If he can possibly cut back on ejaculating so much, that too will help.

Zaneblue, as for "deathgrip masturbation", I have a thought which might interest you. I may not be speaking for all uncircumsized men, but it could be that the Fleshlight is only useful to circumsized men for the purposes being discussed here. Many uncut men can masturbate with very light touch and no lubrication, by simply moving the foreskin over the glans and never touching the glans.

I can tell you from my personal experience as an uncut man, that the main difference between the sensation of masturbation and intercourse is that the vagina feels much warmer, almost hot.

Circumsized men presumably have a whole different sensory experience to deal with, as the permanently exposed glans tends to develop much thicker skin, and presumably becomes less sensitive. Also, the loss of sensation from the foreskin would seem to be a disadvantage.

But since the poster is from Florida, we can probably assume your advice applies. America is almost unique among the advanced countries where circumcision is still in the majority, and not limited to just a few religions.

ragininsideofme,

I have the same issue with my husband. I didn't know about it until shortly after we got married unfortuately. I've spoken with a number of sex therapists that have all said delayed ejaculation and porn addiction often go hand in hand.

Anyway, I personally would not get married unless you 2 (esp your FH) do some serious work *FIRST*. He needs to see a therapist that specializes in sex addiction. He can join a 12 step sex addiction program like SA and you can join a support group for family members of sex addicts like S-Anon. You should also consider seeing a couples counselor well versed in sex therapy, couples counseling, addiction. This may sound harsh, but I would not marry him unless he really shows dedication in addressing this problem by doing the aforesaid and until you've developed a healthy sexual relationship with one another.

I also wanted to make sure you meant delayed ejaculation not premature right?


Anyway, believe me this problem will ware you down after awhile. Even conceiving children will require extra effort. Most men look at porn from time to time, and that's fine, but having your spouse turn you down for sex because they're constantly watching porn is really hurtful. Overtime it builds feelings of resentment and betrayal and slowly begins to poison all aspects of the relationship.

At least though your FH admitted to you that he has a problem. There's hope then that he can address the issue.

Blaming yourself and feeling unattractive are natural /normal responses, but they are unhealthy, so you might want to consider counseling for yourself. The last thing you want is to be pulled into a depression over this.

Good luck!

Not sure what to make of this post. I will give you the benefit of the doubt as well. Here is the sagely advice:

I have a female friend that was married once and told me her husband used to have to read porno mags before they had sex to get aroused, and that he even would read them during sex! Unbelievable. They got divorced.

This is simple. Do not become this. One year with this guy? Thats 364 days too many, get rid of this total zero. Blaming his "addiction" is even more pathetic. Watch some Intervention on A&E, you will not fall for that excuse after a couple episodes. Respect yourself and find someone better!