His and Her Health

Here is my dilemma. It's a bit tough asking this question here because I'm sure that most women that post on this forum are far more sexually liberated than average. I'll give it a go though because after much consideration I have no answer to my question.

My wife and I are in our early 60's and by most measures happily married. For a number of reasons we haven't been too active sexually for some time and for that reason I have been looking after myself so to speak.

Some months ago I had a minor prostate issue and after some research, purchased an Aneros prostate massage device. It was recommended as an aid to prostate health but I've discovered that it also provides a level of sexual stimulation and pleasure that regular masturbation can't match. I have always had difficulty finding private time to use the massager and have been restricted to occasions she is out. Unlike regular masturbation via penile stimulation, prostate stimulation sessions can last a couple of hours with many dry orgasms one after another.

More recently though, we decided to try and restore our sex life and we are working on that now. My problem is that I want to continue to experience the pleasure from my Aneros because, although it doesn't provide the emotional bonding of sex with a loving partner, the intensity of the experience is far greater that regular sex when everything is working correctly. The fact is that the whole thing is very addictive.

Now, here's the rub... should I open up with her and tell her about my experiences and tell her I would like to continue using the massager from time to time or just keep using it behind her back? I'm sure she would put on a brave face and tell me to "go ahead" but deep down she would probably be hurt and find the practice (anal play) distasteful.

She is, and always has been, very conservative sexually and discussing things with her can be a bit difficult. She has never enjoyed oral sex, anal sex or anything much more that straight intercourse much to my dismay. In fact she rarely has vaginal orgasms and has relied on her vibrator for satisfaction after sex. If I hadn't bought vibrators for her through the years I don't believe she would ever go out and buy one for herself. I have encouraged her over the years to masturbate whenever she needs to and I know she has used her vibrator to masturbate from time to time. Since she went through menopause though, I don't think she uses it at all.

Should I keep it all from her or sit her down and let her know that I really need this stimulation?

Thanks
Lawesy

Don't say a thing. And also encourage her to have some kind of regular weekly activity with her friends, or maybe a class, so you can be assured of regular time to yourself.

I think a marriage needs some mystery to be able to survive.

Thanks for the reply Zaneblue
Yes you're right of course; I just hoped someone could convince me to be open with her and that she would respond positively knowing the pleasure I got from the sessions. Knowing her as I do, that's unlikely. I guess there are lots of women on this forum that would respond that way and I envy their husbands.

I have to say though, that when I re-read my post I felt a tad guilty because it seemed to imply that she was the whole problem in our relationship. That's definately not the case because about 9 years ago I was on medication with a condition that caused impotence for almost 2 years. She never complained once but when I finally got off the medication and returned to my usual self, she seemed to have lost interest in sex and who could blame her. In every other respect she is a wonderful woman, mother and companion and I love her dearly.

You said "And also encourage her to have some kind of regular weekly activity with her friends, or maybe a class, so you can be assured of regular time to yourself."

Well, I have tried doing this but I still rarely manage private time. We've always spent most of our time together and I now get the guilts because I find myself wishing her away to give me privacy. More self control required I guess.

Thanks
Lawesy