His and Her Health

I'll make this as short as possible.

When I was in high school, I was slightly overweight, awkward... never really had any boyfriends...

I went to college, lost some weight... cared a bit more about my appearance and met the love of my life. We've been together for about 4 years now. We moved to Miami Beach together, during which time I developed an eating disorder. I lost even more weight and suddenly was seen as considerably attractive. I fell somewhat into the drug scene, trying this and that every now and then and smoking pot regularly.

Around this time, I realized how much I love sex. I had my eyes on this guy I worked with. He was quiet but strong looking. Almost mean looking. I've always had a thing for dangerous-type guys. I fooled around with him one night but it didn't go further with that. I never really saw the guy past work after that and I rededicated myself to my boyfriend.

Then he had to move abroad for his job and for the time being, I've been stuck in the US.

In November, I met this guy that I worked with and we started pseudo-dating. Much different than my actual boyfriend. Best sex I've had to date. He's rougher than my boyfriend abroad, although not too kinky. I just loved it... he's only 18... and when we do have sex, he can go 3 or 4 times in a row... but even that isn't enough to fill what I'm craving...

He and I now both work in the same place. There's a guy that works with us who is very quiet. He's into drugs, has been arrested... but he's very smart and decked out sort of hippie like... kindof like me. Smoooooth talker.

I found out a few weeks ago that this guy, well to put it plainly, is very, very large. I've talked to a girl who has slept with him and she's told me he is really kinky... and yes, insanely big.

Since then, all I can think about is getting with this guy. It's completely carnal... All I want is sex. Crazy sex... hardcore, even painful sex. I've been thinking about it constantly. I've pleasured myself more times a day than I can count.

All I think about is sex. All I want to do is have sex. It's not like I'm running around having sex with a bunch of different people. It seems I get infatuated, sexually, with one person... and then I pursue it.

I feel like an addict. I just want it so badly. I don't have any idea what to do... any advice would be helpful...

notch,I think you need to find out why you crave sex with a certain type of man.You say even the sex with the 18 year old did not fill what you were craving. Do you really know what you are craving? I would suggest you see a therapist to sort out what you call being a sex addict.

Rather than think of yourself as some sick, broken person, perhaps you are simply not ready to settle down and have tied yourself to another person (who is living abroad!) before you had a chance to explore, figure out what you really want and sow your wild oats.

You didn't have boyfriends in high school and then in college you found the "love of your life" and tied yourself to one person without ever having time to enjoy a real social life. You basically went from zero to married without any stops along the way. And now, he's "abandoned" you (not literally, but physically) and this is how your body is reacting to it.

Emotionally, it's a huge blow to be separated from your partner. It could be you're medicating yourself with sex the way you medicated yourself with your eating disorder and with drugs.

I agree with the Moderator that counseling would be a good idea. But you might also time to be you, single, free and able to explore all the things you didn't get to before.

Hi Notch,

You don't have to think of yourself as a sick, broken person in order to talk to someone who is a mental/sexual health professional, so that's what I think would be a good idea. If you're still living in Florida, you're in good luck, because there are quite a few excellent sex therapists there.
They would be able to do a thorough enough assessment to help you figure out what you're experiencing.

Even trained professionals don't figure things out from a few paragraphs of written communication. If you have health insurance,
this could well be a covered expense.

Check out the American Board of Sexologists and the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists.

Aline Zoldbrod Ph.D.