His and Her Health

I am nineteen years old. Last night I had sex for the first time. It hurt really bad. The lubrication didn't really seem to help. Do you have any suggestions to make is less painfull and more pleasurable? At this point it isn't pleasurable at all!<BR>Thanks!

Hi Kashmir19. My wife had the same problem the first time we had sex. It usually does get better with time but if not, try putting a pillow under your butt- it puts you at an angle that helps it not to hurt so much. Also, sometimes foreplay isn't done for a long enough time and there isn't enough natural lubrication ( getting wet on your own). KY- Jelly is useful but if that's not enough, try Astroglide ( sold in adult stores or catalogues). I hope this helps. Good luck!

Chet C,<BR>Thank you for your reply. I will definately try that. You say that after a while it became easier. Now I am keeping in mind that everyone is different but could you give me some sort of time reference? Once again thanks for your help!

Kashmir,<BR>During your experience, where you aroused at all or where you nervous about the experience? I know with me, I wasn't aroused at all. Also, I know now that if you're tense and can't relax and are apprehensive (especially if all you can think of is how it hurt the first time) your muscles will tighten and it will be very painful and difficult for penetration to occur. As they say, your mind is the most powerful sexual organ.<P>I am talking personal experience here! As stated before, utilize a lot of foreplay or just make the whole experience foreplay only without the pressure of intercourse. I know that helped me alot. It does take your body some getting used to to enjoy it or if not maybe you'll end up back here complaining about FSD, but I hope not.<P>Also, depending on your body (hymen size?) it may take a few times before its not painful. But don't try these few times all in one day or even once a day. Spread them out. Let your vagina recuperate. I know with me, I was sore there for about a day after each time for about the first 3 or 4 times.

Thanks for all of your replys! I probably wasn't fully aroused. He is ready to go right away and I am not. It has been 2 days now and I am more sore now than I was right after we had sex. I don't understand. I dont know whether ir not this is related in any way but when I try to insert tampons it often feels like I am hitting something and can't get it to go in any farther no matter how hard I try, but it is just barely all the way in there. Could there be something that is cauing that as well as the painfull sex because I know that he didn't get very far in and each time he would trust it felt like he was hitting something and the pain was sometimes excruciating and other times only slightly annoying. Thanks!

Sounds to me like you have vaginismus.

In fact, I am certain you have vaginismus.<P>The best advice I can give you (I myself have vaginismus)is to join a Yahoo support group for women with vaginismus (type "vaginismus support group" into your search engine: I recommend the group which has 835 members in it, or thereabouts). You don't have as severe a case of vaginismus as some of the women actively posting in the vaginismus group so you may get over this within a few weeks. On the other hand, depending on the severity of your vaginismus, it may take a few months.With severe cases of vaginismus (such as mine) and especially in the case of women with vaginismus receiving inappropriate therapy (which was also my case for a while) or no therapy at all, the timeframe can be even longer.<P>You may well need to start inserting progressively larger objects before you are ready to have intercourse. You could start with a finger (either yours or someone else's), or a smaller tampon (with applicator) , or the smallest of a set of dilators, or, if they don't work, a q-tip or, indeed, anything you can think of! You can gradually progress, at your own pace, to larger objects (2 fingers, larger tampon, small vibrator, anal plug, larger dilator, etc...) You will get more tips on all of this by reading the archives of the support group or by posting a query there yourself. Feel free to post a query for me here also.<P>I am not discounting the possibility that you may have something else in addition to vaginismus, but it is my view that all the information you have posted up to now points to one diagnosis only: vaginismus.<P>Vaginismus is 100% curable, but, in severe cases, the journey to recovery can be long and arduous and trial and error play a large role in the process.<P>Let me know if I can be of further assistance.

I should also add that the "wall" you feel is being hit is a ring of muscles which, though you are unaware of this, are contracted to the point where insertion is either difficult or not possible.

Hi Kashmir. My wife said it got better after three to four times ( spaced 4-5 days apart). But, if we haven't had sex in awhile ( which sometimes happens due to illness, mood, etc.) , she says it hurts again the next time we do it. Then it gets better again. She is very uptight a lot of the time and has some hangups about sex so alot of patience and extra long foreplay seem to help. You should probably look into the Vaginismus(sp?) possibilty also. That sounds like a very possible explanation.