His and Her Health

Does your feelings whilst kissing someone a good gage of whether you are sexually attracted to someone? If you kiss someone and it turns you on, does that mean you are sexually attracted to them? Or if you kiss them and feel nothing, does it mean that you are not attracted to them?

I am not speaking just of technique since I have had kissers whom had various skill levels and some would turn me on and others made me feel nothing.

Why am I asking this? Recently, I was on a first date with a guy and it felt so wonderful to be with him. We got acquainted online and prior to meeting, we talked on the phone for a long time and I was very attracted to his personality, intelligence and whit. I saw pictures and saw him as decent looking but I was not swept away from his photos. The most attractive physical feature he has is his eyes and facial expressions. We went out to eat and talked for a very long time and stayed until the restaurant closed. We then talked for a while outside and I wanted him to kiss me and he finally did.

I know you can not force these things, however, since I already had an intellectual/emotional connection with him (as evidenced by our long phone conversations) I was hoping that we would also have a physical attraction along with that. And when I kissed him and felt aroused by kissing him I was really glad, figuring that would be some indication for sexual attraction or "chemistry". I have a second date with him tomorrow.

Though I have kissed my fair share of men, I only felt aroused by kissing a few of them.

I don't think anybody can give you much advice on this because it's such an individual thing. I think you just have to learn what works for you. But I'm a man, so perhaps I'm not fully aware of how important kissing is for some women. I have heard some women choose between men primarily on how good a kisser they were. Nothing wrong with that, but it was a bit unsettling (to a man) to hear that. It's kind of the equivalent of men picking women primarily for details of their physical appearance and what turns them on the most. But that's all normal for people starting out with love and sex, when the focus is more on your own experience and feelings with somewhat less focus on the other person. I think as you get more experience with love and sex, what starts to matter more is how the other person regards you, not how they made you feel in a fleeting moment.

I think only you can know, from experience, how your feelings during kissing relate to your feelings overall with men. Another question is, how important will such considerations be after you've been in a relationship for a while? Were they just the fleeting feelings of novelty and excitement, or are they long-lasting.

But I would add that how a person touches you, including kissing, could say a lot about how the other person might be as a sexual partner. Are they hurried, gentle, slow, teasing, careful to see your response, sense of humor about the whole event, etc. A lot of dimensions there for something so seemingly simple.