His and Her Health

My husband has a very high (I think) sex drive. I used to, but don't anymore.
Here is the problem:
He is verbally abusive. He calls me names, picks fights, and is just mean. I don't want to have sex anymore. I told him I need sex more for emotional closeness than for orgasms. I don't know how to explain it. He wants sex so he can have an orgasm, I (used to) want sex to feel emotionally close to someone, and he thinks that if he called me vulgar names yesterday, I should be "over it" today and have sex or give him oral sex so "we" can be happy. I don't get happy having sex if I feel used.
He was a recovering alcoholic, and while not drinking would call names, I think, to make me angry, because if I got angry, he would have an excuse to drink. He is now drinking again, because I yell (when I'm called names, talked over, interrupted, made fun of, etc) and because he doesn't get sex every day. This does NOT turn me on, and I don't know how to help him understand.
Should I have sex just to keep the peace, even if he doesn't do anything for me emotionally? He says if I had sex more, he would be nicer, and I think he should be nicer first. I'm not playing games, I just don't think it helps that if I do what he wants, he the better treatment lasts until he orgasms, so he won't change for me, but I should still do whatever he wants even if it's physically not even pleasant anymore?
This was a long time ago, but he has raped me for hours at a time when drunk, and I don't forget as easily as he did.
As far as his sex drive goes, he wants sex/oral sex at least once a day. His way of asking is "blow job, blow job?" or "wanna do it?". With past lovers, it would just happen, and being asked like this feels like being with a horny, inexperienced 13 year old, again, a turn off.
Am I a prude, or selfish? What should I do?

Actually you are an abused wife living with a man who has no regard for your feelings.In the best of worlds the two of you should see a counsellor. If he won't go you go .You might even want to attend an al-anon meeting for spouses to get some ideas on what you are dealing with.He is not a recovering alcoholic if he has started drinking again he IS an alcoholic.

I agree. You need to get out of there. It's classic abuser tactics to try to make you feel like it's your fault. Get out before it gets any worse.