His and Her Health

Hi,

Three years ago I wrote on here that the only way I was able to orgasm was by rubbing my pelvis against the hard floor. I'd tried using my hand but never seemed to feel anything and just got irritated. I thought I might have damaged the area by rubbing it too vigorously.

Well, I started seeing a sex therapist (a PhD psychologist) shortly after that, and she gave me the encouragement I needed and exercises to try every week. She suggested that when I was ready to give up during a practice session, when nothing seemed to be happening, I should keep going, and notice if I felt ANY pleasurable sensations at all. After a while, I did start to notice sensations, and before I knew it (within 3 or 4 months of not-very-consistent practicing) I had my first orgasm by using my fingers. The therapist also recommended I order a self-massager (available in the health section of most drugstores, or online; Conair worked for me) and try rubbing the clitoral area with the ball-shaped attachment. That really helped too. I now find it a lot easier to do it with the "vibrator" than with my hand.

Anyway, I was 40 years old and had nearly given up. But with a last-ditch effort and enough determination, I made it happen. So keep trying! It's worth it!

Hi,

I'm a 28 year old married woman who can not have an orgasm without using a vibrator. Naturally, it's very frustrating. I'd love to be able to experience them manually or orally. I see that the therapist you saw gave you exercises. Are there any you could share with me? I'd like to work on practicing manually. Thanks!

Suzy,
I apologize for my belated reply.
I have to admit that for the past year or two I have been taking the easy way out and using the vibrator. But I was able to achieve orgasm on several occasions prior to that by rubbing the clitoral area with two or three fingers. You can try various pressures and various areas and various patterns. I often found that the lightest, "teasing" touch was the most arousing for me. I sometimes use a personal lubricating gel to help my fingers glide more smoothly. Try to get into a sexual mindset before starting to touch yourself.
The book "For Yourself" by Lonnie Barbach is the classic instruction manual. My therapist based her suggestions and exercises for me on that.
I also ordered a video called "Becoming Orgasmic" produced by the Sinclair Intimacy Institute, and highly recommend it because it depicts one (fictional) woman's use of a program over the course of several weeks to become orgasmic.
Hope this all helps! It reminds me that I need to practice using my hand one of these days!
CT

I am a 33 year old, healthy women who has never been able to orgasum during any type of sex, which has resulted in me not having sex at all because I don't want the guy I'm with to feel like it has anything to do with him, because it simply isn't anything to do with him. If I wasn't interested in making love to a guy I could unstable slightly more and put it down to just a lake of interest causing this problem.