His and Her Health

I am a 24 year old female. I have never had an orgasm, at least since I have become sexually mature. I think I may have had one when I was a child, like before kindergarten, because I remember masturbating back then and I remember experiencing what I think was an orgasm at least once. It may be one of my earliest memories. When I was in kindergarten, I got a hernia in my vagina and I had to have surgery to fix it. I don't remember ever experiencing one after that no matter how hard I tried. While I was a teen, I was raped and after that I became very promiscuous. Now that I'm all grown up and have been with the same man for 5 years and we are engaged I look back on my behavior totally disgusted. All I want is an orgasm. I bought a Hitachi Magic Wand and it has made me experience feelings down there that I've never experienced but I'm definitely not climaxing. In fact, it can be painful. I've tried the attachments for it, like the G-spotter but I don't think I have a G-spot. I've tried watching porn while using it to get my mind in the right place but nothing seems to be working. I'm just left with a sore clitoris. Is it possible that the hernia surgery somehow affected my ability to orgasm? Do I have some sort of psychological block from the sexual trauma? Am I trying to hard and it is causing failure? Any suggestions? I just feel like I am missing out on something really great.

Hi Iujes84,

I think asking an MD to evaluate whether you might have some damage from the hernia surgery is a smart thing to do, because no one can evaluate that from a distance, right?

Worst case scenario, even if there is some kind of neural damage, there are lots of ways to learn to become aroused.Women's sexuality usually is based on having many secondary erogenous zones pleasured, so I doubt that there is anything that was done in the surgery that would prevent you from having an orgasm, once you know several patterns of arousal.

But it is also possible that your trauma history is involved. I'm also concerned that you are being way too rough on yourself in the way you are touching yourself. How about reading Becoming Orgasmic by Heiman and LoPiccolo, to learn a kinder way of learning how to become aroused.The good sensation is not just in your clitoris. And becoming aroused is really a learned process.

If you can swing it, it would be good to get some help from a professional. I think that a local rape crisis center might be willing to help you talk to a counselor about the rape, even though it happened a long time ago. Or perhaps they know people in the community who know a lot about post-rape feelings. It's not unusual for women to feel sexual self-hatred after a rape, and that can affect your ability to feel good about your sexuality.

Please do be kind to yourself, follow this up, and give yourself the gift of taking the time to do whatever you need to do to regain full pleasure in your sexuality. Don't let what some b------d did to you take the pleasure of sexuality from you.

Aline Zoldbrod Ph.D.

<small>[ 01-01-2009, 10:13 PM: Message edited by: Moderator ]</small>