His and Her Health

Hi there i am new member on this site and would like to discuss a major problem for me in my relationship and get a fair opinion from everyone. I am 20 years old and i have been with my fiance who is 18 for a year. Things started out brilliantly for us and everything was looking up. when we first met she told me that has had 8 or 9 sex partners which i thought was quite alot considering her age but was about the same has what i have had so i learned to live with that and was over it in no time. About 7 months into our relationship she confessed to me that she has infact slept with at least 22 blokes (maybe more)before she was 18 years old, i personally find that disgusting and indeed very easy, our realtionship has gone remotely down hill since and the reason why i am here is to find out if this is normal, or accepteable, and just to get advice on what to do, because im really not happy knowing this information and is constantly getting me down. Am i being insecure or is there a cause for concern?

I understand as I dated a guy when I was about 22 and the conversation came up and I had to be honest with him as before I had turned 20 I had slept with more than 60 men and hate to even say how many now that I am in my mid 30's. I have friends who do not understnad and have asked me why I did that and that it makes me a slut, I guess it probably does but I enoy sex a lot and at the time it was fun, still is I guess.

Since she can't undo the past, the real question is, has she changed since then? Are you worried that she won't be faithful? You need to know why she had so many partners then and why she isn't doing that any more. Most of them could have happened during a short period of stupidity that she got over.

Are you worried that she'll always be comparing you to someone else? Keep in mind, all those other guys are gone. She chose you out of all of them as the best. Maybe you could be flattered?

Marcy don't put the old "double standard" on yourself. If a guy had that many sexual encounters when he was young everyone would say he was just having his fling before settling down. No one would call him a slut, don't call yourself one.

ok thanks for your replies. i know she had her first serious relationship when she was 15/16 and he finished her after a year, and she says that that was the main reason for this, now my opinion is that 1 or 2 maybe 3 or 4 would be appropriate to get over this guy but 20 just sounds too much. And yes eva she has changed since then or at least i think she has since i didnt know her then, and back to your question about being unfaithfull i caught her about 3 weeks ago texting a bloke old enough to be her dad 30 times in 24 hours. Obviously i got mad and wanted answers she said it was a joke that went too far at work, i mean i dont know what to believe and all the trust has gone for the time being but knowing what her past was like really does not help the situation?

Hi Marcy. If there are so many out there who just loves sex and cant do with out it than
there is definitely something wrong with me.

I am married, 5yrs, two girls - twins, 18months old and my relation with my husband is going down because I just dont feel for sex the way he does. It doesn't appeal to me. I dont think bout it.

What can I do to make this right? Is there anyone out there that can help me?

Hi, I've read this board a long time and cannot remain silent any longer. Soooo many troll posts. I will square it away though.

With that said I am not sure if this is a full troll or what. So let me give the benefit of the doubt and answer your question. By any objective standard 22 partners by age 18 is a lot. A real lot. Man or woman, that is wayyyy too many. So, if it makes you uncomfortable and it makes sense that it would, kick her to the curb. There are just tons of better matches for you out there. And you're young too, find someone you can fully enjoy and who is more honest with you. Now you know.

What matters more is why someone had 22 partners by age 18. If you go through a phase of having new sexual partners for the thrill of it, it would seem to be silly to say that it's OK to have new-thrill sex with 8 partners, but not 22. The question I would ask is, did you really enjoy the sex, or did you do it for some other reason? Hopefully, it was physicall enjoyable, and then you have a partner who has no problem enjoying sex -- something I wish I had. My wife never had a partner before me, and now I understand part of the reason -- sex never meant that much to her. At this point, I would much rather that she had been a woman who enjoyed sex with many partners before she met me -- I think then she would have known her sexuality a lot better and would still be interested.

Yes, ricki, I think you're being insecure, and there is no unusual cause for concern. Celebrate her as a sexual person who is not afraid of sex. Stop thinking the grass is greener somewhere else. If she is interested in having sex with you, what more can you ask?!! It's more than I have in my marriage.

But ricki, you do have a right to feel the way you do about the situation, and if you cannot get over it, it would be best for both of you to end the relationship and find someone who's had fewer partners. But I'm not sure you'd feel good about that approach as the years went on, because you'd have to realize that it had something to do with your own insecurities that you weren't able to overcome.

thanks for the comments yeah thats fair enough, patient you have given me another way to look at this, but what comes with 22 sex partners before me is how flirty she is with other blokes when she is out, how she gives other blokes her number and how i have already caught her texting another bloke now i can almost guarantee you dont get that in your marriage, i would rather have a sexless marriage if you like rather than someone i dont trust and acts how she does. Now i hear you saying that i aint keeping her happy otherwise she wouldnt be doing this... trust me i do everything for her and get so little back in fact nothing, maybe we are going off the subject a bit and i dont want to bore you with all my problems because trust me there are so many and i do honestly believe all this is caused because of how she was when she was younger and all the sex partners she has had.

I just find it hard to accept all the blokes she has slept with and most were one night stands and certainly not with boyfriends.

I just wanted honest answers from you all has i am too embarressed to tell this to anyone i know or familly

thanks

ricki if you are really dwelling on her many partners before you, and you think her past behavior may indicate her future behavior you might want to drop her as a loyal girlfriend.

Yeah, ricki, I agree -- it's the "why" that's important. If she slept with 22 guys, or even just 5 guys, for the reason that she just likes new partners all the time, and that's still important to her, then she might not be right for you if she can't understand how you feel about it and change her behavior.

Certainly there are people (I know a few) who have slept with a large number of people, and then settled down with just one person. But it might take a change in their understanding of themselves and what they want out of life.

I think think some people settle down, I just have not been able to so far and not sure why. It seems I get bored with some and othertimes they are not as "adventurous" as I am or want them to be if that makes sense